I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.
I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussard's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said, 'Keep her moving sir, we're stock-taking'
My wife said: 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said: 'Why?' and she said: 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already'
I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months. I don't like to interrupt her.
A police recruit is asked during an exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother-in-law?" He replies, "I'd call for backup."
...etc
