Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: derekwarner on January 13, 2024, 11:41:57 pm
This is certainly a faboulous 'tape job' {-) , however last night, I see the FAA have banned the 737 Max 9 flights until next Tuesday irrespective of any reported Boeing inspection clearances
Appears they are asking for a demonstrated understanding <*< on how such incidents will not happen in the future, rather than just the builder saying we checked all of the bolts & nuts [again]
Derek
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: jaymac on January 14, 2024, 11:49:12 am
I remember in Germany nearly getting frostbite searching for the fuel cap locking pin on our Sioux Chopper in snow, already frozen refueling by jerry cans.luckily found it.As for grounding mech found a hairline crack in tail rotor gear box all were then grounded for checking. So our two had to be flown back from Libya Hercules I think.
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Martin (Admin) on January 20, 2024, 01:14:28 am
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: jaymac on January 22, 2024, 11:10:28 am
D[/size]uring a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in a Long-Term Care Home?”“Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub.”“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”“No,” he said. “A normal person would pull the plug.”“Do you want a bed near the window?”[/color][/font][/color]
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Martin (Admin) on January 22, 2024, 10:09:22 pm
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: jaymac on February 10, 2024, 11:12:57 am
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it!
Get out of the car - NOW!"
The four men didn't wait for a second threat.
They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat.
She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then she realized why.
It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into her own car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The Sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
Moral of the story?
If you're going to have a senior moment...
make it memorable!
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: roycv on February 11, 2024, 11:30:32 pm
Hi nice story. I was watching some cctv footage of crooks getting caught in the act. The one I enjoyed was a girl with a bag on her shoulder. Two lads overtook her on a small motor bike and stopped and ran back to grab her bag, but she was very quick thinking and instead of tackling them she dashed for their motor bike and drove off! Roy
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: jaymac on February 23, 2024, 11:31:01 am
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Baldrick on February 29, 2024, 07:57:29 am
Then watch out for this. (https://www.modelboatmayhemimages.co.uk/images/2024/02/29/image_9f60e751-f3be-4607-803f-651dabad34a6_1024x10242x.jpg) (https://www.modelboatmayhemimages.co.uk/image/tbpOL)
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: roycv on February 29, 2024, 08:36:35 am
Is 23 out of 25 good? Roy
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: dougal99 on February 29, 2024, 09:02:37 am
You forgot: Own your own house Have a final salary pension and remember being told 'the pound in yor pocket has not be devalued' {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-)
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: SteamboatPhil on February 29, 2024, 11:02:02 am
Ekk 23 for me as well Roy
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: JoJoElbe on February 29, 2024, 11:41:36 am
still have 4,5,6,7,8,17,20 (a backup is always helpfull) never really played on an Atari, but wrote my diploma thesis on itbut I just make it to 20 :((
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: roycv on February 29, 2024, 11:48:45 am
Hi Phil, it gets harder each year getting old but the other option is not so good! Not sure If I shall be flying over you about 8:30 this evening as I am offf to Oz for a month. So if you see a Qantas A380 it might be me! It used to be a second summer but it has been raining lately. Our stands always used to be next to each other when we exhibited at the Model Engineering exhibition well the Traplet version anyway. I stood down last year as Secretary at the St. Albans club and resting on me laurels at the moment. Hope all well with you. Roy
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: KitS on February 29, 2024, 12:00:54 pm
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: roycv on February 29, 2024, 12:35:32 pm
I used to listen to audio books on tape from the library. When I took the last one back and as I walked out of the door she said "Would I like to keep it" . I still have it! I have moved on a bit now and down load them onto my tablet. Still not got a smart phone though. I figure if I lose something it is just one item, if I lose my smart phone (I gather) i HAVE LOST EVERYTHING! Roy
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Dave_S. on February 29, 2024, 03:59:30 pm
I genuinely have no idea what numbers 6, 11, 12, & 14 mean!
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Baldrick on February 29, 2024, 04:56:06 pm
What does using a "Cats Whisker " to access a radio program score ?
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Tug Fanatic on February 29, 2024, 06:41:21 pm
I genuinely have no idea what numbers 6, 11, 12, & 14 mean!
This ages us nicely. I can tick most of them but 14 & 25 are a complete blank in my mind.
An Atari was an old games console. A mix tape is where you put your favourite tracks onto one tape so that you could play them back withour needing to change tape. A boombox was one of those big radio cassette players 14 My Space ???
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Dave_S. on February 29, 2024, 07:26:30 pm
Thanks for the explanation. I was too old to play computer games when they came in. I used to record albums onto cassette tapes so I could listen to them in the car, though now I have no idea how my car radio works, so I prefer to drive in calm silence.
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Circlip on February 29, 2024, 07:30:01 pm
"My space" isn't that the workshop? O0
Regards Ian.
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: KitS on March 01, 2024, 12:00:43 am
'My Space' was a really early social media platform. I came across it when I was at my employers HQ in Minnesota in the early 2000s, lots of the staff there used it. I never could get it to work when I was back in the UK though, and it was taken over eventually IIRC.
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: jaymac on March 04, 2024, 11:14:43 am
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: jaymac on March 04, 2024, 03:30:18 pm
Why duplicate something that was already posted 4 days ago
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: warspite on March 05, 2024, 09:27:53 am
Its ok, tica was only saying what numbers he didn't get and put the full list up, me I remember the majority and a couple I knew but didn't do (not into social media - don't need to tell every one when I go to the loo and what colour or quantity it was)
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: jaymac on March 05, 2024, 11:49:50 am
Not gonna Tell so Not a Stool Pigeon Then
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Martin (Admin) on March 08, 2024, 11:21:12 pm
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: jaymac on March 23, 2024, 04:37:39 pm
One day God calls down to Noah and says: “Noah me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark,” Noah replies. “No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want after all you’re the governor.” God interrupts. “Ah, but there’s a catch. This time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks one on top of the other.” “20 DECKS!” Screams Noah. “Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?” “Yep, that’s right, well, sort of right. This time I want you to fill it up with fish.” God answers. “Fish?” Queries Noah. “Yep, fish, well, to make it more specific Noah, I won’t carp wall to wall, floor to ceiling Carp.” Noah looks to the skies. “OK God my old mucker, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?” “Check.” “With 20 decks, one on top of the other?” “Check?” “And you want it full of Carp?” “Check.” Why?” Asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether… “I dunno.” Says God. “I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark.
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: jaymac on March 30, 2024, 12:01:36 pm
I have absolutely no idea what the strange picture post is meant to mean.
I got it on the first two lines of pictures, then tried to work out the next line and how that fitted, yes I got the Wii reference, it was trying to remember rock.
as for parties - whats the point - they all lie as they do not have foresight (they are all something similar to foresight - skins)
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: roycv on June 12, 2024, 11:06:10 am
Many years ago I was just leaving a car park and it was election time, but back in the 70's. There was a poster on a wall and it said,
'No matter who you vote for, the Government will get in.'
Nothing changes. Roy
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: derekwarner on June 12, 2024, 12:20:46 pm
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Baldrick on June 16, 2024, 01:05:23 am
That is far from being a joke ! The older you get the more technological gobbledy gook turns an aged mind into mush . How do I know ? GUESS ! God bless my Daughter who usually sorts it (Or the G.G.Children;)
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: jaymac on June 16, 2024, 11:18:50 am
Fortunately I don't have any offspring nor if had would I let them near mine, as for age it's just a number. Are you still allowed to use the TV remote %)
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Baldrick on June 16, 2024, 10:55:47 pm
[ as for age it's just a number. ]
Do you speak as a nonagenarian ? Probably not because Age takes on a different perspective as the wick burns low and flickers
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: jaymac on June 17, 2024, 10:34:02 am
no 4 years short
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: tigertiger on June 17, 2024, 10:43:15 am
Age is just a number?
My friend just had his 70th birthday, and his medical insurance has just doubled, overnight, because he is 70.
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: roycv on June 17, 2024, 11:56:21 am
As another '4 years short' I would like all to keep in mind that the older you are the longer your expectation of life. I went on one of those web sites that will forecast how long you will live. I put up my late mate's age at 103 and it went all of a tither! Roy
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: jaymac on June 22, 2024, 05:11:50 pm
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Allen A on July 29, 2024, 07:51:52 pm
Two Cowboys ride into town and dismount at a hitching rail .. 1st cowboy goes around the the back of his horse, lifts the tail and kisses his horses backside .. 2nd cowboy says, 'what the heck you do that for' ? 1st cowboy says 'well, I got chapped lips dont I' 2nd cowboy say, 'oh, ok. that cure it then' ? 1st cowboy says 'no .. but it stops me licking them' .. ??
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: jaymac on August 02, 2024, 11:05:50 am
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Martin (Admin) on August 15, 2024, 05:31:13 pm
{-)
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: jaymac on August 17, 2024, 11:06:10 am
A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.The next night, the pub is packed.In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.The next night there is standing room only in the pub.Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last yearIn walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties.'The rabbit looks aghast.The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says,'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'The crowd's bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.''Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.He then waves to the crowd and leaves....NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.The barman says, 'Who are you?To which he is answered,'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.'The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?''I DIED', said the rabbit.'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'After a short pause, the rabbit said ...'Mixin-me-toastie
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: jaymac on August 26, 2024, 04:33:34 pm
People stop to look at a sculpture installed on the Sheffield & Tinsley Canal, England. The artwork - by Alex Chinneck - is 13 metres long and six metres high, and is painted in traditional canal boat colours. The main body of the boat was made from eight tonnes of steel, as a nod to Sheffield's history.
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Martin (Admin) on September 15, 2024, 07:36:50 am
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: roycv on November 19, 2024, 03:23:49 pm
Hi Martin I looked picture 112 and it defeated me until just now when I was looking away from it and then I saw it!!!! Roy
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Martin (Admin) on November 19, 2024, 04:43:38 pm
{-)
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: warspite on November 20, 2024, 12:13:49 pm
sitting further back and rapidly blinking gives the same effect, I thought j christ %) whats wrong with that car.
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Sonar on November 20, 2024, 12:49:29 pm
The first thing I saw in image 122. was the black car with the two wheels close together . Then after a while I noticed the image…
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Akira on November 20, 2024, 01:07:05 pm
I noticed the fingers on the left hand of the lady in blue. How many thumbs does she have?
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: derekwarner on November 20, 2024, 10:28:27 pm
Akira....
I didn't notice %) what appears to be multi-thumb of the woman in blue, having said this, there doesn't appear to be any significant element in the return image of the man
The [her] drink cup [with fingers + thumbs] itself is as single-block elemenet
Derek
Title: Re: Jokes & Humour - 2024
Post by: Martin (Admin) on November 22, 2024, 05:53:03 pm