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Author Topic: Aussies love Irish Jokes  (Read 19887 times)

derekwarner

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #50 on: November 06, 2013, 11:24:01 pm »

How true BrianB6.........& just for a little extra information for our overseas colleagues........... %)
The circular cut out in the middle of the slice of bread for "fried toad in the hole"..... is actually cut with a recycled Vegemite glass tumbler  O0
All good OZ citizens know that Vegemite should never be purchased in the large screw top jar........as it tastes different  :((
All good OZ citizens know that Vegemite is a natural deterrent to flies....... {-)
All good OZ citizens know that Marmite is a copy by some group of Multi National dingbats .....as it tastes YUK.......& should be deported back to the UK..... :D  ....Derek
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Andre

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #51 on: November 07, 2013, 03:59:53 am »

Al right I will bite, being as I am from the good old US of A and have never heard of " Vegemite " . . .  what is it?  {:-{ :embarrassed:

Andre
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derekwarner

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #52 on: November 07, 2013, 04:20:21 am »

Hullo Andre.........you must try Google..........
Simply....the product known & marketed since 1923 as Vegemite....is a dark brown savoury spread for bread or savoury biscuits
I believe it is a leftover product from yeast in the brewing of beer....although it has ZERO alcoholic content
It is literally an iconic food spread in OZ  :-)) ....however many foreigners or others [from the UK] think it is rubbish  :D
We forgive them ... "as they do not know what they say"  {:-{ ...............famous words by another  {-) ..... Derek
 
 
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GAZOU

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #53 on: November 07, 2013, 08:20:40 am »

This is food to feed
it is pa food for fun

my condolences {-) {-) {-) {-) {-)
 
 
Yow !  not on the head <*<
 
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warspite

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #54 on: November 07, 2013, 08:36:22 am »

bit thick - probably get shark bit at this rate - so what is the difference between vegemite and marmite - both yeast products and vile tasting - apparently!
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derekwarner

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #56 on: November 07, 2013, 09:14:59 am »

My dear friend GAZOU........to help explain a few points to warspite.....may I offer
 
1. Vegemite apart from being a fly repellent  O0 has also shark repellent qualities...... :o
2. This is naturally very important as the oceans of OZ are teaming with sharks @ every beach & creek  %)
3. The news of this is also very important as it may deter unwanted visitors or tourists from other countries  ;)
4. Just for you ....I can also advise from good reports  {-) ......that the original Vegemite also has aphrodisiac qualities  :P
Derek
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GAZOU

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #57 on: November 07, 2013, 09:32:03 am »

 {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-)
give you this women the morning breakfast
that the original Vegemite also has aphrodisiac qualities  :P
 
 
we prefer this, it is not an aphrodisiac
this is much better :kiss:  :kiss: :kiss: :kiss: :kiss: :kiss: :kiss: :kiss: :kiss: :kiss: :kiss: :kiss: :kiss: :kiss:
 
url=http://www.servimg.com/image_preview.php?i=3199&u=15374264]
:-))
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dougal99

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #58 on: November 07, 2013, 10:43:57 am »

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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #59 on: November 07, 2013, 01:25:34 pm »

Now don't forget about the new kid on the block. O0 O0 O0
 
Ladies & gentlemen I present..................Cheesybite
 
 
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #60 on: November 07, 2013, 01:29:56 pm »

Can you believe it, not really Irish but maybe the names have been changed to protect the guilty,
 
see what you think. O0 O0 O0
 
 
Can you keep up with this story?
   
                   
   
                                                At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS President, Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal  complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:


On March 23, 1994... The medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus ,and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head.
Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide.


He left a note to that effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly.


Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.


The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun! The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife, and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus.


When one intends to kill subject 'A', but kills subject 'B' instead, one is guilty of the murder of subject 'B.'


When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adament, and both said they thought the shotgun was not loaded,
the old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun.. He had no intention to murder her.
Therefore, the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident, assuming the gun had been accidentally loaded.
 
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident.. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support, and the  son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother. Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
 
Now comes the exquisite twist...
Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus.
He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. The son, Ronald Opus, had actually murdered himself.
So the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.


A true story from Associated Press.
  [/t][/t]
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dpbarry

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #61 on: November 07, 2013, 05:29:57 pm »

I don't think perhaps using the word Stupid in reference to an Irish joke is  advisable. ;)


Yeah!! Nutin stupid about us.  <*< >>:-( .


Just think. If it weren't for drink, we Irish would rule the world! Then again.. Maybe drink was invented to stop us ruling the world. Jeez.. What a party it would be  %%


Declan
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sparkey

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #62 on: November 07, 2013, 06:02:41 pm »

 %) I used to work with an Irish fitter lovely guy he knew so many Irish jokes,always a new one every day,I asked him don't you find these jokes offensive not at all he said those jokes have kept me in drinks down the pub for years,he liked a drink our Jim god bless him,Ray. :-)) :-)) :-)) :-))
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Mad Scientist

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #63 on: November 07, 2013, 11:36:05 pm »


Butter is natural.. Margarine manufactured and full of chemicals. I know which one i prefer.. And it tastes better  %%


Declan

The United States Food and Drug Administration agrees with you. They have started the process to ban trans fats from manufactured foods. :police:  That might take margarine off the shelves, although the brand we use claims to be free of trans fats. Link: http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2013-11-07/twilight-of-trans-fat-the-fda-wants-to-take-your-margarine-away#r=hpt-fs
 
Tom
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GAZOU

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #64 on: November 08, 2013, 04:20:10 am »

that will eat the U.S.?
they ban trans fat?
But they put everywhere!
Perhaps there is in tap water
 
butter, natural?
but the cows do not eat grass!
of animal meal, pellets!
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dpbarry

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #65 on: November 08, 2013, 06:22:33 pm »

that will eat the U.S.?
they ban trans fat?
But they put everywhere!
Perhaps there is in tap water
 
butter, natural?
but the cows do not eat grass!
of animal meal, pellets!


Hmm... True but maybe not as many chemicals as what goes into margarine.  Then again. If you think about exactly what we eat, everything has a chemical ingredient infused somewhere along the food chain.  {-)


Declan
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #66 on: December 01, 2016, 10:09:49 pm »


The reason there are so many Irish jokes is because the Irish have a quaint way with words

Murphy dropped dead the moment he arrived home from a vacation in the Tropics.

He was laid out in the coffin for friends and neighbours to pay their  last respects.

"He's got a great tan," Mrs Doolan from next door mused. "The holiday did him the world of good."

"And he looks so calm and serene," said Mrs McGuiness.

"That's because he died in his sleep." explained Mrs Murphy,  "and he doesn't know he's dead yet, but when he wakes up, the shock will kill Him!"  O0 O0
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #67 on: December 02, 2016, 07:36:54 am »


Paddy was coming through the customs at the airport carrying a large bottle.

"What have you there?" said a suspicious customs officer.

"Tis Lourdes holy water. I am bringing it home with me", said Paddy.

The officer took the bottle and tried some. " Why it's Irish whiskey."  ! He spluttered.

"Lord bless me."! said Paddy, "another bloomin`miracle." %) %) %)
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #68 on: December 03, 2016, 03:58:14 am »


On his way home one night, Paddy dropped into the pub.

 The barman poured him a beer and asked if he wanted to be in a raffle.

"What's it for?" asked Paddy..

"It's for a poor widow with 13 kids." said the barman.

Paddy shook his head, "No good for me. I'd never be able to keep them." {:-{  {:-{  {:-{
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Nemo

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #69 on: December 03, 2016, 05:30:58 pm »

Astonishin' discovery, begorra!

After having dug to a depth of 30 feet last year, Italian scientists near Rome found traces of copper wire dating back 150 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago, at least 50 years before Guglielmo Marconi was awarded the Nobel Prize.

Not to be outdone by the Italians, in the weeks that followed, British scientists dug to a depth of 60 feet in the oldest section of London, and shortly after, headlines in the UK newspapers read: 'British archaeologists have found traces of 200 year-old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Italians.'

One week later, the Irish press reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 90 feet in remote
County Clare, Paddy O'Brien, a self-taught archaeologist , reported that he found absolutely nothing.
Paddy has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Ireland had already gone 'wi-fi' !

Nemo:( 50 o/o Irish)
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derekwarner

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #70 on: December 03, 2016, 07:18:32 pm »

Love it..... :o........descendent of the First Fleet to OZ.... & for certain a certain % Irish  ..... Derek  {-)
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #71 on: December 04, 2016, 07:16:00 am »


Dublin's contestant in an international quiz was waiting for his first question.

"First, what's your name and occupation?" The compere asked.

"Pass", came the reply.

 :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed:
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #72 on: December 05, 2016, 08:53:51 pm »


Paddy and Shamus were hitchhiking. 

"It's best if we split up," said Paddy. "I will meet you in the next City under the town hall clock".

Later that night Shamus was waiting at the appointed place when Paddy drove up in a swank car.

"Where the hell did you get that?"

Paddy explained that he had just walked a little way when a beautiful woman picked him up. She drove into the woods, got out and took all her clothes off.

"She said I could have anything I wanted, so I took the car," said Paddy.

"Good choice too," said Shamus. "You'd look ridiculous in her clothes."  :o :o :o
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dpbarry

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #73 on: December 07, 2016, 09:52:55 am »

 {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-)

Astonishin' discovery, begorra!

After having dug to a depth of 30 feet last year, Italian scientists near Rome found traces of copper wire dating back 150 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago, at least 50 years before Guglielmo Marconi was awarded the Nobel Prize.

Not to be outdone by the Italians, in the weeks that followed, British scientists dug to a depth of 60 feet in the oldest section of London, and shortly after, headlines in the UK newspapers read: 'British archaeologists have found traces of 200 year-old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Italians.'

One week later, the Irish press reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 90 feet in remote
County Clare, Paddy O'Brien, a self-taught archaeologist , reported that he found absolutely nothing.
Paddy has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Ireland had already gone 'wi-fi' !

Nemo:( 50 o/o Irish)
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Aussies love Irish Jokes
« Reply #74 on: December 07, 2016, 10:07:08 am »

Mate,

The version I have is the Aussie one.

Namely the Australians dug and concluded we had WiFi  ;D ;D {-) {-)
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