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Author Topic: Jokes & Humour - 2016  (Read 256243 times)

sparkey

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #75 on: May 06, 2015, 06:22:17 pm »

 :-)) EAR today gone tomorrow  :-))
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Martin (Admin)

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #76 on: May 08, 2015, 01:45:25 pm »

                                {-)

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #77 on: May 08, 2015, 03:51:59 pm »



hahahaha looks like mummy was not there to dress him.
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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #78 on: May 08, 2015, 04:22:18 pm »

Typical, Old people just don't understand PC.
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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #79 on: May 08, 2015, 04:33:00 pm »

No luck there.

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #80 on: May 08, 2015, 04:37:59 pm »

Great idea to get home early on a Friday.

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #81 on: May 08, 2015, 05:34:58 pm »

I am dixlyxick, sorry, dyxcliksic, sorry, dislexic, oh poo.

Well I am anywey and I cnat speel eyther.

So this is ym prolbem.

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #82 on: May 08, 2015, 05:47:17 pm »

 :-) Grammar is very important in the Engrish language.

Example 1

Lets eat Grandma!.

Lets eat, Grandma.

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 ;D O0 {-)
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the ends of its paws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
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davidm1945

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #83 on: May 08, 2015, 05:59:51 pm »

oooooh...you gonna get moderated, sunshine!
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Martin (Admin)

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #84 on: May 08, 2015, 06:11:02 pm »


Yep!     ok2
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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #85 on: May 09, 2015, 09:47:32 am »

ooops  :embarrassed:


 
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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #86 on: May 09, 2015, 10:18:43 am »

A man went into a hardware store and asked to buy a sink.
Would you like one with a plug?' asked the assistant.




Don't tell me they've gone electric.
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derekwarner

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #87 on: May 09, 2015, 10:47:50 am »

J.A.W........ ...your text... :-) "Grammar is very important in the Engrish language"

 {-) well....my mate [relo here in OZ] [the retired Professor Tulloch ....Head of English Language at the Flinders University in Adelaide]  reckons you are a fraud  {-)

In OZ, we  only speak the truth  :-))

This [the truth] could be considered as diametrically opposed to that or those unthruths from fork tongue  >>:-( <*< spoken by others in your land today .... Derek

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Derek Warner

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Neil

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #88 on: May 11, 2015, 08:21:08 am »

sorry, not very PC.........but what do you expect when sent to me by a mate in OZ.....



 guy was in a bar about as drunk as it's possible to  get.

             A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be  good
             Samaritans and take him  home.

             First, they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can  find
             out where he lives, but he keeps falling  down.

             He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each  time
             with a real   thud.

             After they get to his house, he falls down another four  times
             getting him to the  door.

             His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought  your
             husband  home."

             The wife asks,






             "Where's his wheelchair?
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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #89 on: May 11, 2015, 09:08:23 pm »

Dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #90 on: May 11, 2015, 09:09:40 pm »

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one – and let the other one off.

HAHAHA AHEM.
 
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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #91 on: May 11, 2015, 09:11:50 pm »

I’m on a BEER diet.



I’ve lost three days already
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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #92 on: May 12, 2015, 05:51:41 pm »

2 parrots on a perch


One says, Can you smell fish.




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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #93 on: May 12, 2015, 05:55:33 pm »

What game can you play with an Australian Wombat?








WOM.
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davidm1945

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #94 on: May 12, 2015, 08:01:10 pm »

Apologies to Martin. I know you had closed the politics/election thread, but I thought that this was to good to miss...

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the
doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.
Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.
The old farmer said, " Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Tortoises'.''
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was.
The old farmer said, " When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top,
that's a post tortoise."
The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself,
he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just
wonder what kind of idiot put him up there to begin with."
Best explanation of a politician I've heard so far.

Dave
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dreadnought72

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #95 on: May 12, 2015, 09:05:31 pm »

Six out of seven dwarfs are not happy.
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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #96 on: May 13, 2015, 02:34:35 pm »

One snowman asked another snowman ?


Can you smell carrots ?
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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #97 on: May 13, 2015, 03:46:39 pm »

In Class Monday dinnertime.
Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home and have the rest of the week off School.
Johnny throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: who just threw that?!

Johnny: Me Miss see you Monday haha.
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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #98 on: May 13, 2015, 03:54:29 pm »

Boy: Isn’t the Teacher a dummy!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No.
Girl: I’m the Teacher’s daughter.
Boy: And do you know who I am?
Girl: No,
Boy: Phew.
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Re: Jokes & Humour - 5
« Reply #99 on: May 13, 2015, 04:02:05 pm »

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a £1 coin and a 10 pence piece Little Johnny always takes the 10 pence.
One day, after Johnny takes the 10 pence, a neighbor takes him aside and says, Johnny, those boys are making fun of you.

Don't you know that a £1 coin is worth more than a 10pence piece, even though the 10 pence bigger?"

Johnny grins and says, Well, if I took the £1, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made £86
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