Topic: Blonde humour (Read 40967 times)

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #100 on:** October 10, 2016, 03:09:32 am »

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RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #101 on:** October 12, 2016, 10:39:04 am »

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #102 on:** October 13, 2016, 11:22:48 pm »

(who said Blondes are dumb)

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice.
She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."
With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!"
As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!"
She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs.
The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?"
The other answers, "I don’t know, I thought you were watching."

Crossie · « **Reply #103 on:** October 13, 2016, 11:43:50 pm »

Might well be true even!

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #104 on:** October 14, 2016, 08:28:18 am »

.
A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds."

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?"

The blonde nods. "I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!"

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #105 on:** October 15, 2016, 11:56:34 pm »

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #106 on:** October 16, 2016, 09:31:15 am »

A blonde's neighbour's house was on fire so she called 911.

The blonde told the operator, "My neighbour's house is on fire!"

The operator asked, "Where are you?"

The blonde answered, "At my house."

The operator replied, "No, I'm asking how do we get there?"

The blonde said, "In a firetruck, duh!"

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #107 on:** October 17, 2016, 12:33:04 am »

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident."

The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!"

Confused, he replies, "Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved."

After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"

Nemo · « **Reply #108 on:** October 17, 2016, 07:54:01 pm »

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #109 on:** October 18, 2016, 09:50:40 am »

A blonde woman, a priest, a pilot, and a high schooler are all on a crashing plane.

There are only enough parachutes to save three of them, and the pilot is the first to jump out.

He grabs a parachute and says, "I'm a pilot! People need me to fly planes!" and then jumps out.

The blonde is next to jump out. She grabs a parachute and says, "My hair won't look pretty if I'm dead!" and then jumps out.

The priest then says to the high schooler, "Son, I've lived my life to its fullest and I am surely ready to join God in heaven."

The high schooler then hands a parachute to the priest and puts another parachute on himself.

The priest is shocked and asks the high schooler, "Oh Lord! Where did you find this extra parachute?"

The high schooler replies, "The blonde lady took my backpack!"

Nemo · « **Reply #110 on:** October 18, 2016, 10:06:45 am »

Now the jokes really are getting ancient!

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #111 on:** October 18, 2016, 10:10:30 am »

.

NFMike · « **Reply #112 on:** October 18, 2016, 02:32:48 pm »

Er, you don't have to be blonde to do that ^^^

Buccaneer · « **Reply #113 on:** October 18, 2016, 02:54:57 pm »

But it helps!!

Capt Podge · « **Reply #114 on:** October 18, 2016, 04:37:22 pm »

Quote from: Plague on October 18, 2016, 02:32:48 pm

Er, you don't have to be blonde to do that ^^^

Nope.

Credit where it's due - at least she changed from her pink outfit first!

Regards,

Ray.

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #115 on:** October 18, 2016, 09:49:21 pm »

Well spotted Ray

Nemo · « **Reply #116 on:** October 18, 2016, 09:56:47 pm »

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #117 on:** October 19, 2016, 04:04:45 am »

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #118 on:** October 19, 2016, 12:17:58 pm »

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CGAux26 · « **Reply #119 on:** October 19, 2016, 08:37:59 pm »

So, you got both blondes and Walmarts in Oz? Do you also have Wal Martians?

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #120 on:** October 19, 2016, 09:43:20 pm »

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RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #121 on:** October 20, 2016, 09:08:35 am »

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CGAux26 · « **Reply #122 on:** October 20, 2016, 10:58:56 am »

Four blondes were riding in a pickup truck when it went into a lake and sank. The two in the cab managed to roll down the windows and escape.

The two sitting in the bed of the truck drowned. They could not open the tailgate.

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #123 on:** October 21, 2016, 01:38:43 am »

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.

"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #124 on:** October 22, 2016, 04:33:26 am »

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Author Topic: Blonde humour (Read 40967 times)