Model Boat Mayhem

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Author Topic: Blonde humour  (Read 40847 times)

tugmad

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Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #125 on: October 22, 2016, 07:50:25 am »

I must admit these make me giggle, yet I read them out to my wife ,and she doesn't even grin, but hey ho she is blonde.👍👍👍👱‍♀️👱‍♀️
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Buccaneer

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Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #126 on: October 22, 2016, 08:03:42 pm »

Similar Problem.
When I was at work a comment was made (I forget the context) in our crew room about 'an 18 year old blonde'.  I've got three of those at home already I chipped in dryly. It all went quiet - Ok I admitted make that one 54 year old.
John
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #127 on: October 22, 2016, 11:24:02 pm »

Sounds logically smart to me  %)  %)  %)


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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Blonde humour is back
« Reply #128 on: October 26, 2016, 06:47:16 am »

. <:(  <:(  <:( :-))  :-))  :-))
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Nemo

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Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #129 on: October 26, 2016, 12:29:42 pm »

This other blonde was speeding down the motorway in her little red sports car, steering with her knees whilst knitting. A police patrol motor-cyclist came along-side and shouted to her 'Pull over', to which she replied, 'No, it's a cardigan!'





Sorry Nemo, but  Blue ink is for the mods, so I've changed it for you.

ken

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Nemo

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Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #130 on: October 26, 2016, 09:11:01 pm »

 %)!

A blonde friend of mine, Fred, bought a scarf, but took it back as it was too tight.
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Blonde humour at night
« Reply #131 on: October 26, 2016, 10:10:05 pm »

 ok2  ok2  ok2.
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Nemo

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Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #132 on: October 26, 2016, 10:33:55 pm »

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when my blonde mate Fred got off work. He made his way to his car and wondered how he was going to make it home. He sat in his car while it warmed up and thought about his situation. He finally remembered his old Dad's advice that if he got caught in a blizzard he should wait for a snow-plough to come by and follow it. That way he would not get stuck in a snow drift.
This made him feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow-plough went by and he started to follow it. As he followed the snow-plough he was feeling very smug as they continued and he was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.
After an hour had passed, he was somewhat surprised when the snow-plough stopped and the driver got out and came back to his car and signalled him to roll down his window. The snow-plough driver wanted to know if he was all right as he had been following him for a long time. He said that he was fine and told him of his Dad's advice to follow a snow-plough when caught in a blizzard.
The driver replied that it was OK with him and he could continue if he wanted, but he was done with the Tesco car-park, and was going over to Sainsbury's next.
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Blonde humour, snowplow
« Reply #133 on: October 27, 2016, 11:35:39 am »


Norman and his blonde wife live in Fargo.
One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say,
"We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says,
"We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street,so the snowplow can get through."
Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says
"We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.
 You must park.....",
then the electricity goes out. Norman's wife says,
"Honey, I don't know what to do."
Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

 O0  O0  O0
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Blonde humour & cars
« Reply #134 on: October 28, 2016, 12:12:38 am »

 :o  :o  :o

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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Blonde humour, on tour
« Reply #135 on: October 29, 2016, 07:47:06 am »

Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and one of all brunettes,
charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic City.
The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rides
on the top level.
The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a
great time when one of them realizes she doesn't
hear anything from the blondes upstairs.
She decides to go up and investigate.

When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear,
staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them.

The brunette says, "What is going on up here? We're having a great time
downstairs
     
One of the blondes says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Blonde humour at the Doctors
« Reply #136 on: October 30, 2016, 07:41:28 am »

.
 %%  %%  %%

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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Blonde humour, one liners
« Reply #137 on: October 30, 2016, 11:56:25 pm »

 {:-{  {:-{  {:-{
She called me to get my phone number.

She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

She got stabbed in a shoot-out.

She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."

She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

She sat on the TV and watched the couch.

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She tried to drown a fish.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

If you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back.

They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.

Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."

She tripped over a cordless phone.

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here" she put "Sagittarius."

She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

It takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.

She studied for a blood test.

She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.

She thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

She sold the car for gas money.

When she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.

When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.

When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
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Howard

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Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #138 on: October 31, 2016, 08:19:38 am »

I have a blond daughter that earns over £140,000 but she still asked me what time did the 24 hour garage close, And where was the tour de france held. I had to ask was she taken the p--s but I still love her.
   
                         Regards Howard.
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #139 on: October 31, 2016, 09:33:17 am »

Howard,

Some of the above one liners could be applied to others.

Take your pick.  :-))
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Blonde humour, Defender
« Reply #140 on: November 01, 2016, 08:09:51 am »


A not so bright blonde woman had always wanted to travel abroad.

She had saved her money for several years, and finally had enough for her dream vacation.

Until now, she'd never even been out of the country, so naturally she needed a passport.

She went to the Passport Office and asked what she needed to do to get a passport.

"You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk.
"Raise your right hand, please."

The blonde raised her right hand.

"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?"

The Blonde's face turned pale and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice,

"Uhhh, all by myself?"

 O0  %%  O0  %%  O0  %%
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Blonde humour, Carwash
« Reply #141 on: November 02, 2016, 11:30:51 am »


At a carwash in London,

there were two identical Hondas coming out at the same time.

A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving its owner rather perplexed.

About three minutes later, she reappears at the car wash yelling,

"who ripped off my car phone!"

 :o  :o  :o
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Blonde humour, train travel
« Reply #142 on: November 03, 2016, 07:22:52 am »


The blonde wife came home from her first day commuting into the city.

Her husband noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"

"Not really," she replied.  "I'm nauseous from sitting backwards on the train."

"Poor dear," he said.  "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?"

"I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there."
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imsinking

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Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #143 on: November 03, 2016, 11:17:29 am »

HMM, hope you guy's have good excuses ready , JUST IN CASE . . . .



Bill  <*<
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Nemo

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Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #144 on: November 03, 2016, 06:36:33 pm »

Morris and Becky, a blonde couple were delighted when finally
their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.
The adoption centre called and told them they
had a wonderful Russian baby boy and the couple
took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption centre, they
stopped by the local college so they each could
enroll in night courses.

After they filled out the form, the registration
clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study
Russian?"

The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a
Russian baby and in a year or so he'll start
to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.

 %)
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #145 on: November 04, 2016, 01:23:12 am »

HMM, hope you guy's have good excuses ready , JUST IN CASE . . . .



Bill  <*<
:o  :o  :o
For a moment there I thought I was sinking but then, I realised that by virtue of insanity I was innocent, in other words blondes drove me nuts.  %)  %)  %)
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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Blonde humour, on the beach
« Reply #146 on: November 04, 2016, 01:25:28 am »

.
 %%  %%  %%

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Netleyned

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Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #147 on: November 04, 2016, 10:12:07 am »

Was the bench on the beach???


Ned

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RAAArtyGunner

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Re: Blonde humour,parking.
« Reply #148 on: November 05, 2016, 12:49:25 am »

.
Gota admit some are smart  O0 O0

 {-)  {-)  {-)
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CGAux26

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Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #149 on: November 05, 2016, 04:34:15 am »

Thanks,  I needed a good one, with all the crap going on in America right now.   <*< <*<
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