Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length.

[Nemo]

EuroEnglish

Before Brexit will be finalised, the European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard 'c' will be replaced with 'k.' Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced by 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'w' by 'v'. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou', and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

Yavol! 

[derekwarner]

Nemo...it is happening .......one of my daughters [yes Aarrtie......the one blonde ...nearing her PhD] uses similar shortened phonetic spelling in her e-mail communications [however without the Germanic slant] ..... Derek

[RAAArtyGunner]

Derek,
 
 

Weave bin usin it ere in Da sunshin state fa yeers wit Ozzie talk its wot nu ostrailuns speek

      

[Arrow5]

I thought (thot) that (dat) "Strine" vos der ..oops was the national lingo in Oz, nes pah ?

[Landlocked]

If  you've ever wanted to pick up a work titled "A Stress Analysis of a Strapless Evening Gown," here's your chance.


This older anthology of semi- and pseudo-scientific articles has an extended plan for normalizing (or should I type "normalising?") spelling within the English language and may be the original source for Nemo's post -- it also starts with the letter "c."


Now, do we blame Dr. Johnston or Noah Webster next?


Ken

[Nemo]

Nope, neither! Just have a giggle!