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[Nemo]

A young Naval officer was in a serious car accident, but the only visible permanent injury was to both of his ears, which were amputated. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the Navy and eventually rose to the rank of Admiral. He was, however, very sensitive about his appearance.

One day the new Admiral was interviewing three people for the position of his personal aide. The first officer was an accomplished submariner, and it was a great interview. At the end the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" The young officer answered, "Why yes, sir. I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears." The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out.

The second interview was with a female Squadron Supply Officer, and she was even better than the first officer, and with a better file. The Admiral asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" She replied, "Well, sir, you have no ears." The Admiral threw her out also.

The third interview was with a Navy Chief Petty Officer. He was articulate, looked extremely sharp and seemed to know more than the other two officers combined. The Admiral wanted this guy, and went ahead with the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" To his surprise the Chief said, "Yes sir; you wear contact lenses." The Admiral was very impressed and thought, what an incredibly observant Chief Petty Officer, and he didn't mention my ears. "And how do you know that I wear contacts?" the Admiral asked. The sharp-witted Chief replied, "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears!"

[Capt Podge]

.....wasn't expecting that punchline - brilliant one Nemo 

Regards,

Ray.

[NFMike]

Best one I've heard for a long time (and very petty officer).

[Tug-Kenny RIP]

I fell off my chair laughing.            best funny I've read this year.

   

ken

[Netleyned]

Nemo,
It's the way you tell them


No.1
2016


Ned

[Nemo]

Humble thanx!

[Nemo]

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see  the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an  envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed,

'Dad.'

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the
letter,  with trembling hands.
 
'Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing  you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, cause I wanted to avoid  a  scene with Mum and you.  I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice,
 but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her  piercing's,  tattoos, her tight motorbike clothes, and because she is so much  older (15 years) than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said  that we will be very happy. She owns a caravan in the woods somewhere, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many  more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son,
Joshua.

 P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.
 
 I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than
 the  school report that's on the kitchen table.
 
Please phone me when it's safe for me to come home.
Josh.