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[roycv]

Hi all,  I have not heard any new jokes for ages.  My memory is not what it was but even so friends send me jokes but I have heard them all before, sometimes modernised but basically the same.
Can anyone help?
I have this one for you.

As a senior citizen was driving down the highway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, " Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I-85. Please be careful!""Hell," said  Vernon ,"It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!

I like a bit of irony.
Bob Monkhouse (comedian) used to tell a story of when he was younger and said he wanted to be a stand up comedian and they all laughed at him.
But as he said They are not laughing now!
So no new jokes I resort to You Tube.

I find great humour with Carol Burnett, American comedienne and her show of some years ago.  Equivalent to our Eric and Ernie.

The dentist sketch always gives me a lift. It is actually Tim Conway.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cUZhHS0PMM#t=36.406875
During the recording the straight man in the chair said he wet himself trying to suppress his laughter. 

According to subsequent interviews the sketches in her show would be rehearsed and then the actors were told Tim was going to change something at the actual recording.
Watch the 'elephant' sketch to see what I mean.
Regards Roy

[unbuiltnautilus]

Truly excellent. I watched a few more of the sketches..laughed my ass off

[warspite]

Yes I have noticed the fun has been suppressed of late (due to a kill joy - you know who you are) stating that its a model boat forum and that jokes are not the true purpose of the site and should be discouraged - bah humbug

[roycv]

Hi Warspite sounds like someone ought to get a life.  If this is the only thing in his life it is rather sad.  Having fun keeps me going!
It is a shame one person can spoil it for others.  Do not remember getting a vote about it though!
regards Roy

[RAAArtyGunner]

Was guilty, note was, of posting jokes, you know the usual common jokes enjoyed my most, namely Irish and Blonde.

The moderators however have to respond to whingers and try to keep the peace.

Yes, there are those on this forum who do not appear to have a sense of humour and take offence much too quickly.
Such as my Daughter is a blonde?????or I am Blonde. Most blondes are dyed so would you do that if you took being the butt of a joke seriously????????

We Aussies call it being uptight and thin skinned and we, Aussies, can still take a joke even about us or our Kiwi mates.

After all isn't laughter the best medicine.  

So no more jokes from me

[Colin Bishop]

Nothing wrong with having jokes on the forum but I think some people were simply typing out jokes from their joke books and not contributing anything else. Nothing so stale as an old joke which we have all heard umpteen times before.

Colin

[roycv]

I do agree the last lot of jokes were repeats.
Still, something has to make the world go round.  Do we have a replacement?
regards Roy

[Colin Bishop]

Take your pick....

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=joke+book&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b-ab&gfe_rd=cr&ei=TrsdWZytN63P8AfW2rmYDw

Colin

[ballastanksian]

The pirate cartoons were great but I am the first to admit that they were being repeated and so as previously mentioned at that poiunt it is worth stopping and remembering they are there to enjoy personally.

We do not seem to be a very fractious group which is a good thing, and if keeping jokes etc to the humour section helps us remain a grump free place then that is fair enough.

[roycv]

OK I found this one,

A duck walks into a post office and asks the man behind the counter: 'Do you have any corn?' The man answers politely: 'No, we don't have any corn here.'
The next day, the duck enters again and asks: 'Do you have any corn?' Annoyed, the man answers: 'No! We don't have any corn.'
This goes on for a couple of days until finally, when the duck asks 'Do you have any corn?', the man gets so upset he yells:

'NO! For the last time we don't have any corn, and if you ask again I'll nail your beak to the counter!'
The next day, the duck returns and asks: 'Do you have any nails?' The man answers: 'No.' Then the duck asks: 'Do you have any corn?'

[Netleyned]

You have just answered the questiom
Ned