Move with the times - become a Twit
Original article by Jon Marsh
Exclusive online offer to all members: sign up for the latest social networking craze and bore the butt of everyone you know. Its free!
Twit is a free social networking and micro-blogging site that enables users to send and read other users' updates, known as Twits. Twits are extremely trivial and often very dull text-based posts of up to 140 characters displayed on the user's profile page and delivered to other users who are sad enough to have subscribed to them.
Twit is a service for friends, family, and colleagues with far too much time on their hands to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?
Remember, no act, however mundane, is too inconsequential for this site. Gone shopping? Bumped into a friend? Got a tummy ache? Get texting and hit the send button.
This amazing new service lets you:
* Be swamped by more inane drivel than ever before
* Read huge amounts of trivia that you don't give a monkey's about
* Share the thoughts of other Twits all over the world
* Know when celebrity Twits go the bathroom and do other amazing things like get into a taxi or order a drink
How can you join? It's simple. Just e-mail us your bank account and credit card details, pin numbers plus your sister's e-mail and you can become a Twit in seconds.
As part of our free introductory offer, we are proud to share with you exclusive updates from some of the leading Twits around the world.
Spike (columnist for world's greatest website)
Woke up. Felt crap. Went back to sleep.
Edison Chen (Hong Kong celebrity, retired)
I think I'll take some saucy photos of my girlfriend today. Note to self: Must also take computer to the shop for repair.
Hu Jintao (President of China)
Politburo meeting today. Yawn. Anyone got any good DVDs? (NB: Must not be fakes).
Donald Tsang (Chief Executive of Hong Kong)
Must avoid any major PR blunders about June 4 anniversary. Put socks on. Tie shoe laces. So far, so good.
Dick Cheney (former Vice-President of the United States)
Plan world domination. Go on chat show to annoy the hell out of Obama. Take paranoia medicine.
Kim Jong-il (President of North Korea, aka The Dear Leader)
Busy day. Sharpen hair. Launch crap missile. My bad.
Twit will also offer a special prize to the first celebrity Twit to attract one million followers. Leading contenders include:
- Dave Blazer, buffet lunch liaison officer for the East Asian Games (total 9).
- Arthur Spigot, nasal hair stylist to the stars (7).
- Major John "Johnny" Jodhpur, retired Marmite historian to the British Army Catering Corps (2).
Meanwhile, testimonials extolling the virtues of Twit have been flooding in from every corner of the earth:
* My daughter's hamster disappeared down a hole in the floor. I asked my followers on Twit how to tempt it out. Someone suggested a brass band and a double-barrelled shotgun, and it worked. Thanks Twits!
- Dave, Kansas
* My life used to have no meaning before I became a Twit. I spent hours watching reality TV shows and eating junk food. I felt insecure and lacked identity. Now I can spend hours being a Twit and sending updates to other people about watching reality TV shows and eating junk food. I feel like Ive got a life. Twit, you're a real friend.
- Sheryl, Barking, London
* I get so fed up with people who say that Twit is only for people who are obsessed with celebrity trivia or with wanting everyone to know what they are doing all the time. It's so unfair. Only the other day I was reading a post about Hannah Montana's thighs being fat, so I told all my Twit friends about it. Then I asked about where was the best place to buy dog food. Two Twits told me to try a pet shop. It just goes to show that Twit is really useful.
- Mary Beth, New Jersey.
* The unfathomable mental power of all the people has erupted like an active volcano and new standards of drivel are being created in an unbroken chain in all sectors of socialist construction on the crest of the surging tide of Twit. Having kindled the torch of a new revolutionary upsurge in, Twits flame of innovation in the course of social-networking has added wings to the campaign for creating a new level of trivia.
- Korean Central News Agency (Pyongyang).
Jon Marsh is a Hong Kong-based journalist who has also worked in the UK, New York, Bangkok and Sydney. He was the editor of Spike magazine.
This article originally taken from the Asiaxpat website and some words changed to make it Mayhem friendly.
