Model Boat Mayhem

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length.
Pages: [1]   Go Down

Author Topic: Random jokes  (Read 5093 times)

Jack.H

  • Guest
Random jokes
« on: April 15, 2011, 05:52:20 pm »
This section is only for completely random jokes!!!!
Logged

Jack.H

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2011, 05:54:47 pm »
What do you do with a noisy seal?




Seal its mouth!

Jack.H (9) Budumpumting

Logged

unbuiltnautilus

  • Portsmouth Model Boat Display Team
  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,165
  • Location: Portsmouth, England, third rock from the Sun....
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #2 on: April 15, 2011, 05:55:05 pm »
Okay, try this then.....
Defence of the Realm.



Get it :}
Logged
Listen politely, nod approvingly, then do what you want, works for me!

davidm1945

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #3 on: April 15, 2011, 06:08:37 pm »
***Deleted***

Random enough for you?  

Dave

*** Funny, but not suitable for a family forum***
Logged

dodgy geezer

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,051
  • Location: London
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #4 on: April 15, 2011, 06:32:30 pm »
In other news, a man ran down Whitehall today shouting " The Government are all morons!".

He was arrested and fined £50 for being drunk and disorderly....




and then locked up for 10 years for revealing State Secrets...
Logged

Jack.H

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2011, 08:46:27 pm »
The  lettuce tap and tomato had a race, how did it go?

The lettuce was ahead the tap was running and the tomato trien to ketchup!!!!! {-)

 Jack.H
Logged

Double D

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #6 on: April 15, 2011, 09:13:52 pm »
A man's wife hits him across the head. He says "Wot's that for?"
She says "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Sexy Sarah written on it".
Quick as a flash he says "thats the name of a horse I bet on today, u silly cow" - she apologises.
A week later she hits him with a frying pan again!
He say's, "what was that for?". She replies. "Your horse phoned"!
Logged

RaaArtyGunner

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #7 on: April 15, 2011, 10:22:22 pm »
Too late he is LOST someone has pressed the Button <:( <:( <:(
Logged

dodgy geezer

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,051
  • Location: London
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #8 on: April 16, 2011, 08:53:13 am »
Quote from: unbuiltnautilus on April 15, 2011, 05:55:05 pm
Okay, try this then.....
Defence of the Realm.

Get it :}


The only problem with bad jokes is that they get elected.....
Logged

Jack.H

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #9 on: April 16, 2011, 10:16:18 am »
Whats black,white,black and white?

A nun rolling down a hill!! {-)

Jack.H
Logged

Jack.H

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #10 on: April 16, 2011, 10:18:27 am »
What black and white laughing?

The nun that pushed the other nun down the hill!!!!! {-)

Jack.H
Logged

snowwolflair

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #11 on: April 16, 2011, 10:25:03 am »
Nick Clleg is sitting in the middle of Whithall with a can of petrol threatening to set himself on fire.

Traffic is all backed up and the police are in attendance.

A trained negitiator asks him what is wrong.

"Its the Tory deal I got it all wrong, the counrty is bancrupt and now everyone hates me, even my own party, what do I do?"

The negotiator comes back a few minutes later and says to him, "I have had a word with my colleagues and we think we can help.

We have had a whip round and we can help you with three more cans of petrol."
Logged

davidm1945

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #12 on: April 16, 2011, 11:07:19 am »
Quote from: davidm1945 on April 15, 2011, 06:08:37 pm
***Deleted***

Random enough for you?  

Dave

*** Funny, but not suitable for a family forum***

Sorry, thought it meant a cold sore - all is pure to the pure in mind!

(Odd, being censored by someone in China - sign of the times I suppose)  :-))  NHF

Dave
Logged

RaaArtyGunner

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #13 on: April 16, 2011, 09:31:01 pm »
Quote from: davidm1945 on April 16, 2011, 11:07:19 am
Sorry, thought it meant a cold sore - all is pure to the pure in mind!

(Odd, being censored by someone in China - sign of the times I suppose)  :-))  NHF

Dave
Location has nothing to do with taste.
Pure in mind  {:-{ {:-{

The censorship yes  :-)) :-))
Logged

davidm1945

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #14 on: April 16, 2011, 11:36:22 pm »
Quote from: RaaArtyGunner on April 16, 2011, 09:31:01 pm
Location has nothing to do with taste.
Pure in mind  {:-{ {:-{

The censorship yes  :-)) :-))

Oh dear, you write something with your tongue firmly in your cheek and someone always takes it seriously....  NHF means No Hard Feelings in textspeak.

For those who don't get it, I AGREED WITH THE CENSORSHIP - got it now?

Dave
Logged

wibplus

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #15 on: April 17, 2011, 01:37:36 am »
Eh ????    {:-{   {:-{   {:-{
Logged

wibplus

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #16 on: April 17, 2011, 01:40:34 am »
Prince William said, "I don't think I want the usual fruitcake at my wedding ".

Prince Phillip said, " Well, I'm going to turn up anyway".    %%   %%   %%
Logged

Jack.H

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #17 on: April 19, 2011, 09:35:06 am »
            ______
           [    ___]
           [    ]   
           [__]                                             
                                                                                                       
                                                                                                                 
                                       (o)(o)
                                        )    (
                                       (      )                     
Logged

RaaArtyGunner

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #18 on: April 19, 2011, 10:34:25 am »
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
And a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the ho use with his dog on a leash,the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog,then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman.'

Logged

Jack.H

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #19 on: April 19, 2011, 12:50:36 pm »
Two blondes walked into a bar, you'd thought that one of them would of noticed!!!! {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-)
Logged

KEMO

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #20 on: April 19, 2011, 01:25:48 pm »
Hiya,
       did you hear about the Dyslexic, Agnostic, Insomniac
       .
       .
       .
       .
       .
       .
       He would lie awake all night wondering if there was such a thing as a dog.


Keith.
Logged

RaaArtyGunner

  • Guest
Re: Random jokes
« Reply #21 on: April 19, 2011, 09:59:07 pm »
Two blondes are walking down the street.

One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.

She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' 

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
 O0 O0 {:-{ {:-{

Logged
Pages: [1]   Go Up
« previous next »
 

Page created in 0.022 seconds with 21 queries.