aprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists."
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
"He'll regret it to his dying day, if ever he lives that long"
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
