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[omra85]

این یک شوخی واقعا بد، مارتین است! من فکر می کنم آن را در مورد هنک ماروین است؟

 

Danny

[essex2visuvesi]

نعم ولكن فقط كل يوم اربعاء

[sjoormen]

I see that even English is changing

[grasshopper]

هر کس یک کمدین است......


We can all play this game:

[sjoormen]

Me prav zanima

[grasshopper]

In kaj točno se sprašujete?

[sjoormen]

  A velja za vse jezike ali samo za tiste ki jih ne razumem

[grasshopper]

Včasih humor ne prevaja tudi v različnih jezikih - morda je čas, sem naredil nekaj dela, preden šef izve . Bomo igrati to igro še enkrat!

[sjoormen]

Google translate makes wonders these two actualy are not that bad although sometimes well you see what I write.

[DickyD]

نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان نور اگر رفت سایه. ر رفت

سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی دان نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما

If I hear anything else, I'll let you know.....

Translated.

If you can not find the light went shadow eyes staring at the wall and the role we don not light the role of other shadows if shadows moved. R was

Shadow not find eyes staring at the wall and the role we don not other light shade role if the role was not to find shade walls and staring at our eyes

If I hear anything else, I'll let you know.....

Sorry sounds just like normal Martin, sort of rubbish.

[DickyD]

My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were Ł70!!!
"xxxxx" this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
 

[RaaArtyGunner]

Wata iz rong wit u? u a no speeka da inglis, me no unner stan  u<:(

[grasshopper]

Wata iz rong wit u? u a no speeka da inglis, me no unner stan  u<:(

Ahh, you're originally from Essex then....

[RaaArtyGunner]

E sex wot iz dis mi no marri, mi ostraluun un wi spik ostraluun hinglis ear

[RaaArtyGunner]

Your Duck is Dead--
 





A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.  As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. 
 
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." 
 
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" 
 
"Yes, I am sure.  Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. 
 
"How can you be so sure?" she protested.  "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything.  He might just be in a coma or something." 
 
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. 
He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.  As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. 
 
He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. 
 
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.  A few minutes later he returned with a cat.  The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot.  The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. 
 
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." 
 
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. 
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.  "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" 
 
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry.  If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."
 
You know the drill ...  if you're smiling, you must pass it On, give someone else a smile too!  Share the laughter 

 

[richtea]

                                                          BAD NEWS FROM THE MANOR

His Lordship landed at Heathrow from his winter stay in Bermuda
Jeeves his chauffeur arrived with the Bentley
Morning my lord
so nice to see you. And you too Jeeves what news from the manor ?
a bit of bad news Miy lord, your little dogs dead.
The dogs dead, such a faithful wee beast, how did he die ?
The mare kicked him in the head My lord.
The mare kicked him in the head, and they were such good chums. Got on so famously well, how could a thing like that happen ?
It was when the stable was burning down my lord, 
the beam crashed down and killed the mare,
she kicked out and killed the little dog.
Good god Jeeves, do you mean to tell me the stables are down and the mares gone as well ?
I'm afraid so my lord.
It was a spark from the Manor house that caused it.
Good god do you mean to tell me the manor has burned down as well ?
Afraid so my lord, it was the candle on her Ladyships coffin that started it all off.

Oh Christ Jeeves is there no good news ?
Well yes my lord with the manor burning down it warmed the ground,
and the daffodils are up two weeks earlier.

[Martin (Admin)]

A man's wife finds some "racy" magazines in the bottom of her husband's wardrobe.
 Shocked and disappointed, she confronts him, "Why do you have these degrading magazines?!"

He replies, "What was you doing searching in my wardrobe?"

She says, "I was looking for, ere, something..."

"What exactly?"

".... a Lion and a Witch?"

"Well I'm holding them for a friend at work, so they are none of your business!"

"Shouldn't that be "Narnia" business?"


  Lee Mack - Not Going Out, BBC1.

[oapanglais]

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.
 
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. 
 
It seemed a little strange.
When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. 
 
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
 
'Well, 'he explained,'the restaurant's owner hired "A" Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. 
   
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.' 
 
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed. 
 
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
 
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?' 
 
"Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice.
'Not everyone is so observant.
That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. 
 
By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%. 
   
I asked quietly,
'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
   
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others,
but I use the spoon.'

[Mr Andy]

Ha ha, same crap different country. 

Andy. 

[John W E]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert, set up their tent, and are asleep. Some hours later, the Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend. 'Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.' Tonto replies, 'Me see millions of stars.' 'What does that tell you?' asked The Lone Ranger. Tonto ponders for a minute. 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What it tell you, Kemo Sabi?' The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then speaks. 'Tonto, someone has stolen our tent!'


 

[john s 2]

Did you hear? The Lone Ranger just killed Tonto. He found out what kemo sabi meant.

[tigertiger]

The Lone Ranger are hurriedly riding North after two outlaws, when they reach the Canadian Border.

Tonto asks, "Where now kemo sabi?"

To which the Lone Ranger answers,



>




>



>



>




>




>




>




>
"On to Toronto, proto Tonto".      

[dougal99]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding up a canyon when the are suddenly surrounded by a large Indian war pasty.

"We're in trouble now" says the Lone Ranger


"What do you mean we? Paleface"...

[dodgy geezer]

...... the are suddenly surrounded by a large Indian war pasty.....

Yes, those war pastys can be pretty hot stuff. I think they use chayenne pepper...

[Peter Fitness]

Yes, those war pastys can be pretty hot stuff. I think they use chayenne pepper...

Very good DG

Peter.