"when starting to move the throttle stick the motors whine but this disappears at higher revs"
The whine is caused by the frequency at which the ESC operates..........ESC's operate on a principle called Pulse Width Modulation (PWM). Full power is turned on and off at the controllers specific switching frequency (ie: 1KHZ) of a brief fraction of a second. As the "on time" is increased the model goes faster. This switching frequency is what is heard thru the motor.(thanks to Greenboat on RC Groups)
You would need to change the ESC to one that has a different operating frequency to try and get either better harmony with the motor, or one with such a high pitched whine, you would not hear it.
"The receiver has 4 sockets but the instructions that came with the radio only seem to refer to three"
The receiver is a three channel receiver, and normally, on a mode 2 transmitter (throttle on left stick), channel one = steering, channel two = elevators (aircraft) and channel 3 = throttle....the fourth set of pins are for binding and power to the receiver
You need to find out which channels your receiver are operating on.....attach a servo to channel 1 and try it see which stick moves the servo arm, try the other stick with the servo in channels 2 and 3, then you will know which stick operates which channel...
Your receiver is a three channel receiver and the transmitter only uses two of those channels.....the third is redundant.