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[Martin (Admin)]

Best Put down you've used or heard.....

Everything is your fault! - Bradders to Martin.... every day! 

[dougal99]

When I want your opinion I'll give it to you

[Bluebird v2]

Martin to Bradders for his reply: Its my fault but your mistake

I thought I was having a bad day until I saw the state of your face

[cbr900]

After fifteen minutes of the wife going off in your ear, turn around and ask "are you talking to me dear" she waves her arms and bolts, as someone else says works for me.....


Roy

[Marks Model Bits]

My favorite is; I would say you are useless but you are not THAT good!!!

Mark.

[Bluebird v2]

okay then, the best one that was ever said to me was when I dropped a big clanger at work....

I had sent bonding varnish down the wrong pipeline, opened the wrong valve....

and the labourer that was mopping up the mess turned round to me and said

'Boy, if your brains were dynamite, you wouldnt have enough to blow your cap off your head'  ::)

Aye
john e
bluebird

[Telstar]

Hi
While working in the college.
A women’s lib sociology lecturer (female) with arms full of books came down the corridor.
A senior engineering lecturer (male) stepped forward and pulled open the swing door.
As she passed through the woman said “ I hope you didn’t open the door for me just because I’m a woman”
The answer came back politely “No, I opened the door because I’m a gentlemen”
 
Cheers

[Bunkerbarge]

1) If wit was s**t you'd be constipated.

2) You're about as much use as 10 men turned in.

3) If you went overboard we wouldn't loose an engineer we'd gain a cabin.

4) You're about as much use as a chocolate fireguard.

5) If you had brains you'd be dangerous.

6) One of my better moments to a very good looking young lady who was very full of herself and being a bit of a pain in the officers wardroom one evening, "Even you'd look good on a tanker dear"

[MikeK]

You're about as much use as a one legged man in ars* kicking contest

Mike

[OMK]

The daughter of my boss - a flat-chested, spoilt little gob on legs.
One day the apprentice said to her, "I'm gonna tell you a joke. You'll laugh so hard that your t**s will fall off.". He looked in the direction of where her norks should be and said, "Oh, I see you've heard it already."

[roycv]

Hi all, I once heard my boss say (to someone else) "If I could buy you at my price and sell you at yours I would make a very nice profit".
Regards Roy

[wombat]

Ones I use too often....

"You're not an idiot, but you'll do till one comes along"

"I see we have had a visit from the f***-up fairy"

"Look into my eyes and tell me, is this a face that cares?"

After a blinding exposition of the bleeding obvious....

"Hey, no sh*t, Sherlock"

"Next contestant is XXX, specialist subject is the bleeding bloody obvious"

[bigH]

   Reply to road rage idiot,   Listen matey, here's the name of a college where you can learn to be a real A**H**E

[john54]

Wont have a go back natures beat me to it.

[Tom Eccles]

For the true thickies out there (no not on this forum!)

You have the I.Q of a backward whelk. Or,

Your I.Q. is the square root of bu**er all.

Clegg

[mogsy]

How about,,,,, ???

'' I'm trying to see things from your point of view,
 but I cant get my head up your a*$* h*le too ''

...as I once put it to an ex-boss.

[wombat]

Nice one on "Old Harry's Game" today

"If ignorance is bliss, you lot must be in a state of permanent orgasm"

[Colin Bishop]

Am I alone in thinking that our members seem to have a suspiciously high number of examples they can quote off the top of their heads.... ::)

[Jonty]

  Sir Thomas Beecham, who didn't think much of women players, is said once to have stopped a rehearsal and addressed one of the cellists:

  "Madam, you have between your legs something that can give pleasure to many, and all you can do is sit there and scratch it!"

[PSSHIPS]

  .
 That sounds extreemely familiar, Very good!

[meridian]

"He has no enimies, but is intensely disliked by his friends" - Oscar Wilde

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of ther vices I admire" - Winston Churchill

And one of my all-time favorites:

Lady Astor: "Mr Churchill, you're drunk!"

Winston Churchill: "Yes, and you Madam are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober."

Wonderful.

[wombat]

Can't remember whether it was said of Disraeli or by him - "A self-made man who loves his creator"

More low-brow, I have been known to comment "Ahh, so you can polish a 'xxxxx'"

[bigfella]

One I heard after a stupid comment "If I want anymore S**T from you I will squeeze your head"

[Ghost in the shell]

did the lord run out of brains before he got to you?

I see your mother threw away the body and brought up the afterbirth

if good looks could kill, I think you're immortal (calling someone ugly)

[tigertiger]

Beauty is only skin deep, its a pity some people were born inside out.

You lie like a cheap japanese watch.

When you were born the midwife slapped your mother.

She looks like she fell out of the 'ugly' tree and hit every branch on the way down.


I think this on is from Monty Python. - 'His father was an upstart and his mother stank of elderberries'