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Author Topic: Jokes & Humour II  (Read 270533 times)

Colin Bishop

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #425 on: May 02, 2009, 09:16:51 am »
Can't spell either!
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andyn

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #426 on: May 02, 2009, 03:06:46 pm »
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
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keef666

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #427 on: May 02, 2009, 03:24:00 pm »
                       Can't spell either

 seems no matter where i go,    i always find the smart 'bottom'
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andyn

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #428 on: May 02, 2009, 03:36:01 pm »
Now now, we're supposed to be friends here...
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andyn

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #429 on: May 02, 2009, 04:38:16 pm »
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.
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Martin (Admin)

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #430 on: May 02, 2009, 05:17:03 pm »
Quote from: andyn on May 02, 2009, 03:06:46 pm
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

 {-) :-))
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andyn

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #431 on: May 02, 2009, 06:02:22 pm »
One.

How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?
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Martin (Admin)

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #432 on: May 02, 2009, 06:23:11 pm »
None, it's been changed already?
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andyn

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #433 on: May 02, 2009, 06:29:45 pm »
Quote from: Martin   -   Forum Admin on May 02, 2009, 06:23:11 pm
None, it's been changed already?


He don't get it do he....

How many dsylexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
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Peterm

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #434 on: May 02, 2009, 06:36:23 pm »
Who?
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andyn

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #435 on: May 02, 2009, 06:45:02 pm »
Niether do you obviously  {-)

 ;)
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Arrow5

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #436 on: May 02, 2009, 07:30:32 pm »
Quote from: andyn on May 02, 2009, 04:38:16 pm
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.
Now now, we are all supposed to be friends here...to coin a phrase ;D
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..well can you land on this?

andyn

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #437 on: May 02, 2009, 08:05:09 pm »
Hehe indeed

I've spent my day reading Sickipedia...
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Martin (Admin)

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #438 on: May 11, 2009, 11:49:32 pm »
Customer: ' I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.'

Walmart Employee:  'What you want on the cake?'

Customer: "'Best Wishes Suzanne." Underneath that "We will miss you".
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catengineman

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #439 on: May 11, 2009, 11:56:26 pm »
 {-) {-)
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Peter Fitness

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #440 on: May 12, 2009, 02:58:06 am »
 {-) {-) and they can't even spell "underneath"  :embarrassed: - but we shouldn't be surprised at that  %%

Peter.
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tigertiger

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #441 on: May 12, 2009, 03:52:51 am »
Quote from: Peter Fitness on May 12, 2009, 02:58:06 am
{-) {-) and they can't even spell "underneath"  :embarrassed: - but we shouldn't be surprised at that  %%

Peter.

Unless you have looked at ebonics, which I did on my linguistics course.
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The only stupid question is the one I didn't ask

omra85

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #442 on: May 12, 2009, 03:52:14 pm »
Quote from: tigertiger on May 12, 2009, 03:52:51 am

Unless you have looked at ebonics, which I did on my linguistics course.


What's playing elephant tusks got to do with languages?  %) {-)

Danny
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tigertiger

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #443 on: May 12, 2009, 03:55:51 pm »
Quote from: omra85 on May 12, 2009, 03:52:14 pm
Quote from: tigertiger on May 12, 2009, 03:52:51 am

Unless you have looked at ebonics, which I did on my linguistics course.


What's playing elephant tusks got to do with languages?  %) {-)

Danny


No problem Danny, but I think you are thinking of ivory.
Maybe you are getting your pianoforte mixed up  %%
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omra85

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #444 on: May 12, 2009, 10:28:52 pm »
I'm always confusing Stevie Womble with Paul McCarthorse  :embarrassed: :P
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tigertiger

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #445 on: May 13, 2009, 04:40:16 am »
Quote from: omra85 on May 12, 2009, 10:28:52 pm
... Stevie Womble

Is this Martin and Stavros's secret love child? :o
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Peter Fitness

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #446 on: May 13, 2009, 06:59:58 am »
Quote from: tigertiger on May 12, 2009, 03:52:51 am
Unless you have looked at ebonics, which I did on my linguistics course.

I never studied dat subject, muh ma education mus' gots been lacking.  :o :o (That's the edited version of my reply translated by the Ebonics translator).

Peter.
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omra85

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #447 on: May 13, 2009, 06:06:47 pm »
Quote from: tigertiger on May 13, 2009, 04:40:16 am
Is this Martin and Stavros's secret love child?

I, too, noticed the uncanny resemblance  :o  Do you think they've been lying about their ages  ok2 {-) {-) {-)
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DickyD

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #448 on: May 14, 2009, 11:05:43 am »
Tough  Love vs. Spanking - Good  Argument 
 
Most  people think it improper to spank children, so I have  tried other methods to control my kids when they have  one of  'those moments.' 

One  that I found effective is for me to just take the  child for a car ride and talk. 
 
Some  say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's  the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video  Games, Computer, IPod, etc.

Either  way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving  after our car ride together.  Eye to eye contact  helps a lot too.

I've  included a photo below of one of my sessions with my  son, in case you would like to use the technique. 







This  works with grandchildren,
nieces, and nephews as  well. 
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Colin Bishop

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Re: Jokes & Humour II
« Reply #449 on: May 14, 2009, 04:43:38 pm »
I see it's necessary to go abroad to do it...
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