Model Boat Mayhem
Mess Deck: General Section => Chit-Chat => Topic started by: nhp651 on February 09, 2009, 10:18:15 pm
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Subject: Scotland
In Celebration of St.Andrews, Day Rabbie Burns 250
anniversiary this year and all things Scottish.....
LET'S SAY..
"HERE'S TAE US, WHA'S LIKE US,
DAMN FEW AND THEY'RE AW DEID!"
a.. The average Englishman in the home he calls his
castle, slips into his national costume ~ a shabby raincoat
~ patented by chemist Charles Macintosh from Glasgow,
Scotland.
b.. En route to his office he strides along the
English lane, surfaced by John Macadam of Ayr, Scotland.
c.. He drives an English car fitted with tyres
invented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland.
At the office he receives the mail bearing adhesive
stamps invented by John Chalmers of Dundee, Scotland.
d.. During the day he uses the telephone invented
by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland.
e.. At home in the evening his daughter pedals her
bicycle invented by Kirkpatrick Macmillan, Blacksmith of
Dumfries, Scotland.
f.. He watches the news on T.V., an invention of
John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland and hears an item
about the U.S. Navy, founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean,
Scotland.
g.. He has by now been reminded too much of
Scotland and in desperation he picks up the Bible, only to
find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot
~ King James VI ~ who authorised its translation.
Nowhere can an Englishman turn to escape the
ingenuity of the Scots.
h.. He could take to drink but the Scots make the
best in the world.
i.. He could take a rifle and end it all but the
breech~loading rifle was invented by Captain Patrick
Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland.
j.. If he escaped death, he could find himself on
an operating table injected with penicillin, discovered by
Alexander Fleming of Darvel, Scotland, and given an
anaesthetic, discovered by Sir James Young Simpson of
Bathgate, Scotland.
k.. Out of the anaesthetic he would find no comfort
in learning that he was as safe as the Bank of England,
founded by William Paterson of Dumfries, Scotland.
l.. Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to get
a transfusion of guid Scottish blood which would entitle him
to ask
"WHA'S LIKE US"
O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 :-))
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Well done nhp651, Talking of Burns, I wonder if he would have liked this one, Ode Tae a Fart, inspired by Tae a mouse,
http://moreteavicar.me.uk/ode.html
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Okay guys.....I get the picture.......pick on the English as usual....... >>:-( >>:-(
Now don't forget that whilst all of the above may well be true, most Scotish achievements were actually carried out in England. How come more Scots live in England than Scotland? Could it be that the Roman's did not build Hadrian's wall tall enough? <*< <*< <*<
Now can we keep replies polite please?? :-)) :-)) :-))
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Shortly after moving to Scotland, I was on board the blood donating bus in Stirling one evening, ready to give a pint of the finest B +ve. The doctor asked where I lived (they always do), heard that my accent didn't match my address by a good couple of hundred miles, and said:
"Och - English blood? We dinnae take your sort."
{-)
"You did," I replied, "back in 1297..."
(Battle of Stirling Bridge (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Stirling_Bridge))
Andy
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we could always pick on the french, footski. {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-)
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...and then they invented the RBS! %) ...The Collapsable Bank! %) ...thought the Scots where supposed to be canny with managing money! %%
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whilst all of the above may well be true, most Scotish achievements were actually carried out in England. How come more Scots live in England than Scotland? Could it be that the Roman's did not build Hadrian's wall tall enough? <*< <*< <*<
Now can we keep replies polite please?? :-)) :-)) :-))
Because somebody has to civilize the sassenachs and keep them in order. Oh and by the by, the Bank of Scotland was founded by an Englishman - no wonder it went bust. O0
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Dear Barry,
However, for a very long time the Scots have been running it, and have been more than happy to claim it for themselves this last thirty + yrs!.... it went well while the English ran it you see didn't it! :} ;D I seem to remember that it was said by some SNP members (in the News and not on Mayhem), that when the troubles started another Bank somewhere else (not English - and I can't remember which off hand), was thinking of taking it over, they said they would be more than happy to see them have it as they were not English. Well, as it turn out RBS had to be bailed out by the us/the B.of E., and we don't hear any grumbling about it up there now do we......! O0 %) So, who had the wherewithall to sort the problem out... Scotland couldn't... good old England came to the rescue!!! :-)) O0 It would have helped if RBS hadn't spent £10B on buying 1/2 of a Dutch bank, but they seemed to have missed the warning signs (twice), and crashed-&-burned as a result... somewhat unfortunate really......... %)
English taxpayers will agree to a 50% discount on hotel/accom. bills whilst the loan is outstanding... fair deal I think - or we would accept full title to the Shetlands, Orkneys and Inner/Outer Hebrides! :-) Oh, and oil doesn't come into it... someone else found that!!! :}
Regards, Bernard
(Just fun/windup/tounge-in-cheek, no nastiness meant/intended).
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The English already own most of the inner Hebrides :} And it was an Englishman in charge of the RBS when it went down the tubes {-) LET the Banks drown on their own then let the savers sue :-)) due to the mismanagement ,Thank god when Scotland gets independence you get Broon and Co no chance of them getting voted in up here {-) {-) {-)
also tongue in cheek APART from the LAst Bit
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Dear Wbeedie,
So at least a bit of Scotland is civilised then! :}
As to RBS, until things 'went wrong' there wasn't any grumbling as things 'seemed' ok - Scotlands fault for letting someone else run it then wasn't it!!! %) - talk about passing the stag! - but there were a few other Directors don't forget! - and probably quite a few Scots shareholders... so why didn't they do something about it then >>:-( <*< %) :-) No good crying after the whiskey is spilt %% %%
As to Broon et al what would you accept to get him/them back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)) please! :-)) :-))
LOL, Bernard
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Bernard,
Before you start about the English riding to the Scots rescue will you explain why you think the the BoE is an exclusively English institution funded entirely by English taxpayers/business? Scots also pay all their taxes to Westminster (unfortunately) and those same taxes are used to bail out banks on both siides of the border and the English/Japanese/German car industry.
Regards
Barry M
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.... and come to think of it, even Stavros & Co pay their taxes to Westminster and help to bail out the sassenachs. :kiss:
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Dear Wbeedie,
So at least a bit of Scotland is civilised then! :}
As to RBS, until things 'went wrong' there wasn't any grumbling as things 'seemed' ok - Scotlands fault for letting someone else run it then wasn't it!!! %) - talk about passing the stag! - but there were a few other Directors don't forget! - and probably quite a few Scots shareholders... so why didn't they do something about it then >>:-( <*< %) :-) No good crying after the whiskey is spilt %% %%
As to Broon et al what would you accept to get him/them back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)) please! :-)) :-))
LOL, Bernard
Bernard after the way that lot have run the UK us Scots wouldnt have them back if you offered us anything lol and as for the banks most of the problem was caused by the American Sub prime motgages even I would have lent that amounts of money being the tight Aberdonian that I am lol
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Dear Barry,
Probably because the bulk of the gnrl. dosh originates from England! :} :-)) DHSS, and all else (the decline in ship building is certainly very unfortunate - and I make no joke about that at all - Newcastle etc. has of course suffered a similar fate).
It is a fact as far as Wales is concerned - and this from Assembly stats. and other Plaid Cymru reps. who I know personally - that while 70% of funds go out 90% come back... so who wins... the balance of 10% - & + - comes back in other subsidies. So, I wonder what the Stats. balance is for Bonny Scotland?
Viva Scotland! :-)) Land of the Grouse%% - about the only thing that makes money! :-))
Regards, Bernard
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Dear Wbeedie,
Quite agree and don't blame you! O0
Regards, Bernard
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Bernard Dont forget the fishing industry for money coming in ,the two biggest ports in the UK for landings Fraserburgh and Peterhead grossing millions of pound a year ,Aberdeen for the oil industry worldwide,Scotland as a whole for Tourism all taxed and going into Londons coffers and for a laugh what money is in the UK our gross national debt is enormous ,even the Europeans wouldnt let us join the Euro now because of it and then you have all the foreign nationals sending there pound notes to their home countries ,dont know why because the Polish zloti must be worth more than the sterling lol %% {-) :-))
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A horse was pulling a heavy cart of produce one day, and, while it was going along, it was reflecting on life - and things - and what it was doing and why. "I always work very hard, and this human driving with me often works nearly as hard as me as well I know, but if I stopped he would as well, and if he stopped I wouldn't get fed and neither would he... but if we just continue together we all will get what we want I think?".
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Or he could shoot the horse and buy a truck :-))
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or just join the dole queue :}
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a. National costume? I don’t think so I’ve never worn a Macintosh and anyway what’s the Scottish national costume eh?
b. The road is surfaced with asphalt, the pavement is surfaced with paving slabs, I “stride” on the pavement
c. Wow, one component of a car was developed by a Scot and in any case it was a different one from the one you mention, it was Robert William Thomson
d. Bell was in fact the first to patent the telephone, not invent it, not like a Scot to pinch someone else’s idea eh?
e. My Daughter doesn’t have a bike, where did you get this information?
f. Television? See above reference pinched idea’s. I’m not surprised the US Navy was founded by a Scotsman, very inferior it is too
g. Bible? Sorry, don’t read much fiction, who’s the author?
h. The best spirit in the world I agree, but drink? Hmm, may give you that one
i. The Americans are far better at guns than the Scots, I’d pick one of theirs thanks
j. Told you the Scottish gun was no good, I wouldn’t survive if I used the American one
k. Safe as the Bank of England? Are you serious?
l. 40% proof no doubt, woohoo
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Bernard,
Scotland sends £9593/head in tax to Westminster - more than anywhere else outside London.
Scotland pays £49billion/year in tax - only London pays more.
People in NE England claim on average £3,284/head in benefits compared to £3086/head in Scotland.
Public spending in Scotland at £9631/head is lower than London at £9748. Northern Ireland is highest.
For the last 40 years Scotland has sent more taxes to London than has come back. (Who's being subsidised?)
Massive amounts of public cash have been poured into the Dome, the British Library, Portcullis House, Crossrail and now the Olympics. Many parts of the UK, let alone Scotland would be happy to get a fraction of this investment.
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j. Told you the Scottish gun was no good, I wouldn’t survive if I used the American one
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Especially if they were on your side :} :}
And keep the whisky give me Irn Bru any day
National Dress Give me a kilt anyday over a tin flute
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and possibly the World Cup 2018 as well not that I will be watching because my team wont be there before any comments are made :P
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Ha, I haven't worn a suit since I got married and you're welcome to the kilt (isn't it an Irish invention?) ok2
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Scotland sends £9593/head in tax to Westminster - more than anywhere else outside London.
Scotland pays £49billion/year in tax - only London pays more.
People in NE England claim on average £3,284/head in benefits compared to £3086/head in Scotland.
Public spending in Scotland at £9631/head is lower than London at £9748. Northern Ireland is highest.
For the last 40 years Scotland has sent more taxes to London than has come back. (Who's being subsidised?)
Massive amounts of public cash have been poured into the Dome, the British Library, Portcullis House, Crossrail and now the Olympics. Many parts of the UK, let alone Scotland would be happy to get a fraction of this investment.
I love statistics, did you know that 37% of road accidents are caused by drunk drivers, that means 63% are caused by sober ones, which is safer?
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To save time, in brief:-
Barry,
Scotland sends £9593/head in tax to Westminster - more than anywhere else outside London. QED
Scotland pays £49billion/year in tax - only London pays more. QED
People in NE England claim on average £3,284/head in benefits compared to £3086/head in Scotland. Living in wrong place then! ok2
Public spending in Scotland at £9631/head is lower than London at £9748. Northern Ireland is highest. Per last & QED
For the last 40 years Scotland has sent more taxes to London than has come back. (Who's being subsidised?) By who's equation?
Massive amounts of public cash have been poured into the Dome, the British Library, Portcullis House, Crossrail and now the Olympics. Many parts of the UK, let alone Scotland would be happy to get a fraction of this investment. 1 & 5 granted, complete rubbish, but where did the idea come from?!
Andy, You know there were some interesting stats. a short while ago that proved an interesting point in this. Whilst indeed around 37% of accidents involved alcohol, one should deduct the factor of who actually caused the accident. Now, I can't remember off hand the precise figures, and indeed they are probably a touch out of date by a couple of years, but the actual figure clearly stated - at that time - to be the direct cause of any accident was 1%. Ok, this is not acceptable, but when one reduces this to death caused by same the result is about 0.001 on average - or thereabouts. Please don't expect me to prove these figures, I don't have a head for figures, it's just some useless gnrl. info. gathered along the way!!!!
Regards, Bernard
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vh-wEXvdW8 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vh-wEXvdW8) ;D ;D ;D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kL1zs4OKYAU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kL1zs4OKYAU) :P :P :P
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClLLJc16Rzk&feature=related
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being scottish I have something that the majorit of the rest of the world does not have:
the ability to laugh and see a joke for what it is a joke :D :D
so no more politics guys :-))
here is one for you Scotland the Brave (with a differance)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KK6jHFezO_8 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KK6jHFezO_8)
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and when you need some charity work
well be helping ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4T4I9DRGok (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4T4I9DRGok)
this one was taken on the day they recorded the song at Hampden for the backing track and thanks to the
french who tryed to join in that day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehD8zajf61g&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehD8zajf61g&feature=related)
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And, for my tuppence worth, clinical applications for MRI scanning were developed by a Scot in Aberdeen ... how many of us "old guys" have benefited form that technology
BTW, two Scots invented pneumatic tyres (independently and in ignorance of each other), Dunlop was preceded by Robert Thomson who also created the fountain pen (not much used these days!)
Scotland rocks for new stuff but UK vs Rest of the World - would make for a textbook!
Bobdoc the Aberdonian
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Bernard appears to want to keep his location/age a secret. Maybe that would throw some light on his views.
Barry M
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Dear Gingyer,
Quite right. What was only a bit of tougue in cheek teasing was just beginning to get a touch more into horseplay (as sometimes just happens), sooner or later someone get's upset and such must be avoided at all costs. At the end of the day, we are all in the same boat together, and it doesn't matter where we all live. Out of curiosity, does Mayhem have many Cornish members?
Oh well, back to work I suppose!
Regards, Bernard
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There are certainly some Cornish Members and some - like me - with Cornish (Kenyon and Gwenapp) ancestry.
Mayhem does have a wide appeal. Today I have sent "Welcome Messages" to new Members in Russia; South Africa; NZ and England.
Unfortunately many Members do not quote their location in their Profile, as we encourage them to do. Then we have to guess where they are from their ISP address.
Roger in France
Moderator
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I think the English should start a campaign for full Independence from Scotland and Wales....at least they have their own parliament!! :-)) :-))
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I recall when the French were off on one of their anti-American rants and demanded that all American forces left Europe. They were asked "Does that include the dead ones?".
Does that impinge on any brains here?
Barry M
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BTW, two Scots invented pneumatic tyres...
It had to be that way - you need a front and a back, else we'd all be commuting on unicycles. %%
Andy, son of a Cornishman, born in Cumbria, living in Scotland. You can keep "the southeast". ;-)
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The Scots did all this for us poor Englishmen
And then you had a wonderful idea you sent all your idiots to our Parliament headed by the saviour of the world MR GORDEN BROWN.
The man who for the last 10 years set what taxes you Scots pay. Don't blame the English blame one off your own.
Colin H.
Ducking now {-) {-)
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I gotta say I lived in Greenock for 15 yrs.
I have good and bad memories, but this Englishman did take home a lovely part of Scotland.
I married a local Greenock Girl, best thing I ever did!!
Bob
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Dont forget our Esteemed Fettes educated eejit as well Colin yon man Blair ,Thatcher fecked Scotland so we got our revenge 50 X over :-))
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it always annoys me this one colin >:-o
when people complain about the government being scottish and doing everything wrong.
there is 646 MP's only 59 are scottish. What then are the rest of these muppets doing then
if it is only the scots to blame {:-{
I don't trust a single one
End of Rant now please lets get back to non-political banter O0 O0
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Hi guys, easy conclusion, stick all politicians aganst a wall and shoot em for failing the people and stealing from them amongst other things, nearly all of the time.
Plus, what is the none elected one doing in power still? >>:-( <*< :police:
Paul...
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Gingyer.
You have a lot of things correct but there is one major defect in your argument. The 646 MP's are not the government they are as you quite rightly say MUPPETS who will do what their political masters tell them in order to keep their snouts in the trough and what a trough.
My main home is a room in my sisters house in London. I claim expense's for my second home which just happens to be a fully detached semi mansion where my husband and kids live back in my constituency.
Paul I am poor but can I donate a large cheque for the puchase of the ammo.
Colin H.
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Just curious but with what would you replace the present system?
Barry M
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Hi Colin H, does this mean you are married to another man and have had babies by him?
quote?
home is a room in my sisters house in London. I claim expense's for my second home which just happens to be a fully detached semi mansion where my husband and kids live back in my constituency.
As for ammo, I think the people will do that sooner rather than later, these guys just keep digging themselves deeper all the time. I see free speach in the UK has come to an end today with the stuff going on with the Dutch politician regarding HIS film about other things that have happened and are still happening, but, the Dutch Government has said it was "regretable" for what the UK government did? Lets all roll over now and give up our country!
Barry M, LETS go back to basics and look after the indiginous population first like we used to do.
Paul...
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Paul,
My question was what would you replace the present system of government with? Gingyer wants to shoot all MPs and you have given us a vague "let's get back to basics". Come on, what system would you put in place to run the UK?
Regards
Barry M
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Barry, As has been proven many times in the past this is not the best place for an in depth political discussion. Gingyer has also quite rightly asked that we keep this good natured and I would wholeheartedly go along with that sentiment.
If anyone wants to get into a more serious political discussion then I would suggest that it is continued off line or on a political specific forum so we can keep the chit chat section at it's usual friendly level.
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Quite right Bunkerbarge.....
.....Oh and if we have an English parliament with only English MP?S.......along the same lines, they do in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, none of us could blame each other. Peace would rein on the forum and all would be well with the world. %% %% %%
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Now, now Footski, that's a political argument and you'll annoy Bunkerbarge! I thought this section was for any subject as long as it wasn't abusive. However, if advocating revolution and shooting all MPs is considered acceptable, I would have thought that seeking clarification of views and proposals for a 'New Order' was pretty harmless. Seems not?
Regards
Barry M
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Whilst adhering to BunkerBarge's fine advice, may I remind the forum membership that the Monster Raving Looney Party advocated, in a recent manifesto, the addition of wheels to the houses of parliament, so that it could be moved around the country and provide more local government wherever it was needed? :-))
Andy
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Who said that Guy Fawkes was the only man to enter Westminster with good intentions. O0