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Author Topic: Here's to the Scottish members.....  (Read 5624 times)

nhp651

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Here's to the Scottish members.....
« on: February 09, 2009, 10:18:15 PM »

Subject: Scotland


In Celebration of St.Andrews, Day Rabbie Burns 250
anniversiary this year and all things Scottish.....
 
 
 
LET'S SAY..
 
 
"HERE'S TAE US, WHA'S LIKE US,
 
 
DAMN FEW AND THEY'RE AW DEID!"
 
 
a.. The average Englishman in the home he calls his
    castle, slips into his national costume ~ a shabby raincoat
    ~ patented by chemist Charles Macintosh from Glasgow,
    Scotland.
 
 
 
b.. En route to his office he strides along the
     English lane, surfaced by John Macadam of Ayr, Scotland.
 
 
 
c.. He drives an English car fitted with tyres
    invented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland.
   At the office he receives the mail bearing adhesive
   stamps invented by John Chalmers of Dundee, Scotland.
 
 
 
d.. During the day he uses the telephone invented
     by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland.
 
 
 
e.. At home in the evening his daughter pedals her
     bicycle invented by Kirkpatrick Macmillan, Blacksmith of
     Dumfries, Scotland.
 
 
 
f.. He watches the news on T.V., an invention of
   John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland and hears an item
  about the U.S. Navy, founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean,
  Scotland.
 
 
 
g.. He has by now been reminded too much of
    Scotland and in desperation he picks up the Bible, only to
    find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot
    ~ King James VI ~ who authorised its translation.
    Nowhere can an Englishman turn to escape the
    ingenuity of the Scots.
 
 
 
h.. He could take to drink but the Scots make the
     best in the world.
 

 
i.. He could take a rifle and end it all but the
   breech~loading rifle was invented by Captain Patrick 
   Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland.
 
 
 
j.. If he escaped death, he could find himself on
    an operating table injected with penicillin, discovered by
   Alexander Fleming of Darvel, Scotland, and given an
   anaesthetic, discovered by Sir James Young Simpson of
   Bathgate, Scotland.
 
 
 k.. Out of the anaesthetic he would find no comfort
      in learning that he was as safe as the Bank of England,
     founded by William Paterson of Dumfries, Scotland.
 
 
 
l.. Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to get
    a transfusion of guid Scottish blood which would entitle him
   to ask
 
 
 
  "WHA'S LIKE US"
 

 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 O0 :-))
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taxi

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2009, 01:19:11 AM »



Well done nhp651, Talking of Burns,  I wonder if he would have liked this one,   Ode Tae a Fart, inspired by Tae a mouse, 

http://moreteavicar.me.uk/ode.html
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barryfoote

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2009, 09:25:55 AM »

Okay guys.....I get the picture.......pick on the English as usual....... >>:-( >>:-(

Now don't forget that whilst all of the above may well be true, most Scotish achievements were actually carried out in England. How come more Scots live in England than Scotland? Could it be that the Roman's  did not build Hadrian's wall tall enough? <*< <*< <*<

Now can we keep replies polite please?? :-)) :-)) :-))
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dreadnought72

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2009, 11:32:42 AM »

Shortly after moving to Scotland, I was on board the blood donating bus in Stirling one evening, ready to give a pint of the finest B +ve. The doctor asked where I lived (they always do), heard that my accent didn't match my address by a good couple of hundred miles, and said:

"Och - English blood? We dinnae take your sort."

{-)

"You did," I replied, "back in 1297..."

(Battle of Stirling Bridge)

Andy





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Enjoying every minute sailing W9465 Mertensia

nhp651

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2009, 11:50:46 AM »

we could always pick on the french, footski. {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-)
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polaris

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2009, 12:12:00 PM »


...and then they invented the RBS! %) ...The Collapsable Bank! %) ...thought the Scots where supposed to be canny with managing money! %%
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BarryM

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2009, 05:01:08 PM »

whilst all of the above may well be true, most Scotish achievements were actually carried out in England. How come more Scots live in England than Scotland? Could it be that the Roman's  did not build Hadrian's wall tall enough? <*< <*< <*<

Now can we keep replies polite please?? :-)) :-)) :-))

Because somebody has to civilize the sassenachs and keep them in order. Oh and by the by, the Bank of Scotland was founded by an Englishman - no wonder it went bust.   O0
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polaris

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2009, 06:04:43 PM »


Dear Barry,

However, for a very long time the Scots have been running it, and have been more than happy to claim it for themselves this last thirty + yrs!.... it went well while the English ran it you see didn't it! :} ;D I seem to remember that it was said by some SNP members (in the News and not on Mayhem), that when the troubles started another Bank somewhere else (not English - and I can't remember which off hand), was thinking of taking it over, they said they would be more than happy to see them have it as they were not English. Well, as it turn out RBS had to be bailed out by the us/the B.of E., and we don't hear any grumbling about it up there now do we......! O0 %) So, who had the wherewithall to sort the problem out... Scotland couldn't... good old England came to the rescue!!! :-)) O0 It would have helped if RBS hadn't spent £10B on buying 1/2 of a Dutch bank, but they seemed to have missed the warning signs (twice), and crashed-&-burned as a result... somewhat unfortunate really......... %)

English taxpayers will agree to a 50% discount on hotel/accom. bills whilst the loan is outstanding... fair deal I think - or we would accept full title to the Shetlands, Orkneys and Inner/Outer Hebrides! :-) Oh, and oil doesn't come into it... someone else found that!!! :}

Regards, Bernard

(Just fun/windup/tounge-in-cheek, no nastiness meant/intended).
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wbeedie

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2009, 06:11:25 PM »

The English already own most of the inner Hebrides  :} And it was an Englishman in charge of the RBS when it went down the tubes  {-) LET the Banks drown on their own then let the savers sue  :-)) due to the mismanagement ,Thank god when Scotland gets independence you get Broon and Co  no chance of them getting voted in up here  {-) {-) {-)




also tongue in cheek APART from the LAst Bit
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polaris

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2009, 06:28:04 PM »


Dear Wbeedie,

So at least a bit of Scotland is civilised then! :}

As to RBS, until things 'went wrong' there wasn't any grumbling as things 'seemed' ok - Scotlands fault for letting someone else run it then wasn't it!!! %) - talk about passing the stag! - but there were a few other Directors don't forget! - and probably quite a few Scots shareholders... so why didn't they do something about it then >>:-( <*< %) :-) No good crying after the whiskey is spilt %% %%

As to Broon et al what would you accept to get him/them back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)) please! :-)) :-))

LOL, Bernard
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BarryM

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #10 on: February 10, 2009, 06:31:53 PM »

Bernard,

Before you start about the English riding to the Scots rescue will you explain why you think the the BoE is an exclusively English institution funded entirely by English taxpayers/business? Scots also pay all their taxes to Westminster (unfortunately) and those same taxes are used to bail out banks on both siides of the border and the English/Japanese/German car industry.

Regards

Barry M
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BarryM

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #11 on: February 10, 2009, 06:34:55 PM »

.... and come to think of it, even Stavros & Co pay their taxes to Westminster and help to bail out the sassenachs.  :kiss:
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wbeedie

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #12 on: February 10, 2009, 07:00:07 PM »


Dear Wbeedie,

So at least a bit of Scotland is civilised then! :}

As to RBS, until things 'went wrong' there wasn't any grumbling as things 'seemed' ok - Scotlands fault for letting someone else run it then wasn't it!!! %) - talk about passing the stag! - but there were a few other Directors don't forget! - and probably quite a few Scots shareholders... so why didn't they do something about it then >>:-( <*< %) :-) No good crying after the whiskey is spilt %% %%

As to Broon et al what would you accept to get him/them back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)) please! :-)) :-))

LOL, Bernard
Bernard after the way that lot have run the UK us Scots wouldnt have them back if you offered us anything lol and as for the banks most of the problem was caused by the American Sub prime motgages even I would have lent that amounts of money being the tight Aberdonian that I am lol
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polaris

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #13 on: February 10, 2009, 07:11:34 PM »


Dear Barry,

Probably because the bulk of the gnrl. dosh originates from England! :} :-)) DHSS, and all else (the decline in ship building is certainly very unfortunate - and I make no joke about that at all - Newcastle etc. has of course suffered a similar fate).

It is a fact as far as Wales is concerned - and this from Assembly stats. and other Plaid Cymru reps. who I know personally - that while 70% of funds go out 90% come back... so who wins... the balance of 10% -  & + - comes back in other subsidies. So, I wonder what the Stats. balance is for Bonny Scotland?

Viva Scotland! :-)) Land of the Grouse%% - about the only thing that makes money! :-))

Regards, Bernard
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polaris

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #14 on: February 10, 2009, 07:13:54 PM »


Dear Wbeedie,

Quite agree and don't blame you! O0

Regards, Bernard
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wbeedie

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #15 on: February 10, 2009, 07:21:42 PM »

Bernard Dont forget the fishing industry for money coming in ,the two biggest ports in the UK for landings Fraserburgh and Peterhead grossing millions of pound a year ,Aberdeen for the oil industry worldwide,Scotland as a whole for Tourism all taxed and going into Londons coffers and for a laugh what money is in the UK our gross national debt is enormous ,even the Europeans wouldnt let us join the Euro now because of it and then you have all the foreign nationals sending there pound notes to their home countries ,dont know why because the Polish zloti must be worth more than the sterling lol  %% {-) :-))
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polaris

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #16 on: February 10, 2009, 07:30:03 PM »


A horse was pulling a heavy cart of produce one day, and, while it was going along, it was reflecting on life - and things - and what it was doing and why. "I always work very hard, and this human driving with me often works nearly as hard as me as well I know, but if I stopped he would as well, and if he stopped I wouldn't get fed and neither would he... but if we just continue together we all will get what we want I think?".
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andygh

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #17 on: February 10, 2009, 07:31:42 PM »

Or he could shoot the horse and buy a truck :-))
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wbeedie

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #18 on: February 10, 2009, 07:33:19 PM »

or just join the dole queue  :}
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andygh

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #19 on: February 10, 2009, 07:33:55 PM »

a.   National costume? I don’t think so I’ve never worn a Macintosh and anyway what’s the Scottish national costume eh?
b.   The road is surfaced with asphalt, the pavement is surfaced with paving slabs, I “stride” on the pavement
c.   Wow, one component of a car was developed by a Scot and in any case it was a different one from the one you mention, it was Robert William Thomson
d.   Bell was in fact the first to patent the telephone, not invent it, not like a Scot to pinch someone else’s idea eh?
e.   My Daughter doesn’t have a bike, where did you get this information?
f.   Television? See above reference pinched idea’s. I’m not surprised the US Navy was founded by a Scotsman, very inferior it is too
g.   Bible? Sorry, don’t read much fiction, who’s the author?
h.   The best spirit in the world I agree, but drink? Hmm, may give you that one
i.   The Americans are far better at guns than the Scots, I’d pick one of theirs thanks
j.   Told you the Scottish gun was no good, I wouldn’t survive if I used the American one
k.   Safe as the Bank of England? Are you serious?
l.   40% proof no doubt, woohoo

 {-) %% {-)
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BarryM

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #20 on: February 10, 2009, 07:46:08 PM »

Bernard,

Scotland sends £9593/head in tax to Westminster - more than anywhere else outside London.
Scotland pays £49billion/year in tax - only London pays more.
People in NE England claim on average £3,284/head in benefits compared to £3086/head in Scotland.
Public spending in Scotland at £9631/head is lower than London at £9748. Northern Ireland is highest.
For the last 40 years Scotland has sent more taxes to London than has come back. (Who's being subsidised?)
Massive amounts of public cash have been poured into the Dome, the British Library, Portcullis House, Crossrail and now the Olympics. Many parts of the UK, let alone Scotland would be happy to get a fraction of this investment.


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wbeedie

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #21 on: February 10, 2009, 07:47:15 PM »


j.   Told you the Scottish gun was no good, I wouldn’t survive if I used the American one

 {-) %% {-)


Especially if they were on your side  :} :}
And keep the whisky give me Irn Bru any day
National Dress Give me a kilt anyday over a tin flute
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wbeedie

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #22 on: February 10, 2009, 07:49:44 PM »

and possibly the World Cup 2018 as well not that I will be watching because my team wont be there before any comments are made  :P
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andygh

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #23 on: February 10, 2009, 07:50:43 PM »

Ha, I haven't worn a suit since I got married and you're welcome to the kilt (isn't it an Irish invention?)  ok2
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andygh

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Re: Here's to the Scottish members.....
« Reply #24 on: February 10, 2009, 07:53:30 PM »

Quote
Scotland sends £9593/head in tax to Westminster - more than anywhere else outside London.
Scotland pays £49billion/year in tax - only London pays more.
People in NE England claim on average £3,284/head in benefits compared to £3086/head in Scotland.
Public spending in Scotland at £9631/head is lower than London at £9748. Northern Ireland is highest.
For the last 40 years Scotland has sent more taxes to London than has come back. (Who's being subsidised?)
Massive amounts of public cash have been poured into the Dome, the British Library, Portcullis House, Crossrail and now the Olympics. Many parts of the UK, let alone Scotland would be happy to get a fraction of this investment.


I love statistics, did you know that 37% of road accidents are caused by drunk drivers, that means 63% are caused by sober ones, which is safer?
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