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Author Topic: Model Boating Limericks  (Read 5819 times)

Colin Bishop

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Model Boating Limericks
« on: October 31, 2006, 08:19:48 AM »

Given the humorous talent of many on the Forum I thought I'd start a limericks thread. The only rules are that they must relate to model boating, should not refer to members of the Forum (sorry but it might get out of hand!) and should not be TOO rude. One verse per limerick only please!

Just to kick off here are a few written over breakfast....

I constructed a wonderful steamer
Fantastic, you just should have seen her
But the boiler was wrong
It blew up like a bomb
And now I can sing like a Diva

There was a young boater from Brum
Who slipped and fell down on his bum
His boat left his grasp
And the launch was too fast
It went straight to the bottom – what fun!

I took my new boat to the pond
Bent down and switched the thing on
It went like a rocket
Before I could stop it
It was up the far bank and long gone!

I lurk in the depths of my shed
Where the boats take up most of my bed
So I sleep on the floor
Just inside the door
A GOG knows his place – enough said?
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cbr900

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2006, 09:06:35 AM »

I will reply in the correct manner shortly, but could not resist, who did not have much to do this morning..... :o :o




Roy
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RickF

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #2 on: October 31, 2006, 09:56:06 AM »

There was a scale-modeller from Dereham,
With JJC sound effects - hear 'em,
With the wick turned up full,
And a resonant hull,
The ducks just won't let it get near 'em!

Rick
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cbr900

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #3 on: October 31, 2006, 12:21:10 PM »

The boy stood on the burning deck with a pocket full of glass
the boy fell through the burning deck and landed on his
do not be mistaken do not be mislead
 the boy fell through the burning deck and landed on his head..



Roy
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cbr900

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #4 on: October 31, 2006, 12:44:53 PM »

But Colin you have to admit It's well cleaned up mate...


Roy
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Malc Reade

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #5 on: October 31, 2006, 03:58:56 PM »



Our Captain, our Captain,
We thought that he was dead
His arms and legs were missing
And we couldn't find his head.


(Not a limerick - but probably dates from WW1 or earlier)?

Malc
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ambernblu

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #6 on: October 31, 2006, 08:27:38 PM »

Ode to the Forum bully....
(or the shape of things to come?)

There once was a member from (cough!)
who delighted in showing himself off...
as a bore he was crashing!
to the 'lady' he was dashing
'cos he presented himself such a toff.

Of the Forum he said 'Don't you fear!
Oh the sport I'll have when in gear!'
'I'll rip into those morons...
those know-nothing new morons...
and you won't see me shed a tear!'

Now he reckons he's nobody's fool...
'cos he abides by only one rule...
you can't be a Forum member
If you cannot ever remember
what you learnt at your primary school!

Now the Forum police say 'look here!'
To us this is all just small beer....
You can do what you like
so please don't get on your bike
'cos you know more than me and that's clear!

What on earth makes him do what he do
'cos the Doctors they don't have a clue
They've tested and failed him
they've massaged and impaled him
but its probably all down to the glue!

Oh he'll go to incredible lengths
(but thats only one of his strengths!)
not to sound like a newbie
and make like the boobie
'cos his pride would be hurt - in a sense!

'So he knows he's got nothing to fear
From a Forum that daren't even jeer
He has us under the cosh
'cos he's paid loads of dosh.
Only experts can post upon here!'

One day he bit a chunk out of me,
and thought it all a great victory.
But when the bell sounded 'dong'
He knew he'd got it all wrong!
Wot a prat, wot a laugh, oh hee hee!

But someday he'll overstep the mark
Down an alley that will be oh so dark
He'll squirm and he'll plead
'till we know he'll take heed
That our bite's much worse than his bark!!

We hope he's now cured and on the mend
and so henceforth to become the friend
to hapless members one and all
in the Forum community he standeth tall
from forever on into.... THE END.......!!

anon  ;D  ;D  ;D
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anmo

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #7 on: October 31, 2006, 09:08:12 PM »

Now, who could that bit of epic verse possibly be aimed at......?
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ambernblu

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #8 on: October 31, 2006, 09:15:30 PM »

Now, who could that bit of epic verse possibly be aimed at......?

 ???
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dougal99

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #9 on: October 31, 2006, 09:18:36 PM »


There was a young Dutch boat builder
Who worked to earn the odd guilder
He built a big tug
Then said what a mug
I'd have earned much more as an Investment Banker




(I know it doesn't rhyme - just my peculiar sense of humour)
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Malc Reade

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #10 on: October 31, 2006, 10:41:03 PM »



Quote
Now, who could that bit of epic verse possibly be aimed at......?

Now just who was it that started this topic?  ;D ;D ;D

(no malice intended)




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Colin Bishop

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #11 on: October 31, 2006, 11:23:50 PM »

Oh! So I'd better give the Mayhem gathering a miss then?  ;)

(anyway, Cough doesn't rhyme with Surrey and i've never been dashing  :'( so I reckon I'm in the clear, eh Brian?)
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OMK

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #12 on: November 01, 2006, 04:18:01 AM »

...and in a similar vein of Doug's humour...

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Twiddling her model transmitter
Along came a spider
Sat down beside her
And bit her right in the............
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ambernblu

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #13 on: November 01, 2006, 08:20:21 AM »

Oh! So I'd better give the Mayhem gathering a miss then?  ;)

(anyway, Cough doesn't rhyme with Surrey and i've never been dashing  :'( so I reckon I'm in the clear, eh Brian?)

Yep, you are well in the clear Colin....!!  ;)

Apologies for hi-jacking the thread, but once I'd started, it just grew and grew.... and became a bit of a monster!  ;D
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DickyD

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #14 on: November 01, 2006, 09:47:19 AM »

Now, who could that bit of epic verse possibly be aimed at......?

Do we get a prize if we guess right ?? ;) ;)

Richard
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ambernblu

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #15 on: November 01, 2006, 09:49:42 AM »

Now, who could that bit of epic verse possibly be aimed at......?

Do we get a prize if we guess right ;) ;)

Richard

Richard, I honestly think you would win it if there was!  ;D (no names - no pack drill.... eh?  ;) )
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DickyD

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #16 on: November 01, 2006, 10:01:21 AM »

There was a bloke from Australia
Whose boating was a bit of a failure
He put his boats on the water
Just like you oughta
But unfortunately he wasn't a sailor.

                     ;) ;) :)

Richard
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #17 on: November 01, 2006, 12:12:05 PM »


There is a bloke on the net,
That said, "I'll start a Forum on a bet."
"How hard hard can it be?",
"To let people post for free,"
All I've done since then is fret!

OK, ok, so now you know why I'm not the Poet Laureate!



Here's a better line for starters...

One day while surfing the forum.......
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RickF

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #18 on: November 01, 2006, 12:21:48 PM »

Not the poet lariat - that's noose to me  :D

Rick
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ambernblu

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #19 on: November 01, 2006, 12:23:36 PM »

Not the poet lariat - that's noose to me  :D

Rick

 ;D  ;D  ;D
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RickF

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #20 on: November 01, 2006, 12:34:20 PM »

A submarine modeller called Britton
With “live action” was terribly smitten
With his gun, on the lake,
Sank two tugs and a drake,
Then torpedoed an innocent bittern.

Rick
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #21 on: November 01, 2006, 01:56:20 PM »

RickF on good form today....
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ambernblu

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #22 on: November 01, 2006, 02:44:39 PM »


Ode to the Model Boat Club....

One day i was bored out me mind
Just nothing to do could I find
When suddenly it hit me
what I wanted to do bit me...
a bug thats been ever so kind!

Visions of past glories and 'Rule us Brits'
you know how the history fits...
of victories at sea
and why can't it be
that I have my own fleet of warships?

So I purchased myself a boat model
that the shopkeeper said 'be a doddle'
But when I got it back home
thought - won't manage this alone!
so off for some help I did toddle.

In the Red Lion - that very same night!
Model Boat Club? Yeh thats us alright?
Drinks? - you'd better get 'em in!
members? - oh they'll all have a gin!
'cos beer makes 'em even more uptight!

So we sits and we drinks and plays darts
and we wink and lust after the tarts
what a sad load of gits
eyeing up all the t**s
Aye, a right bunch of grumpy old f**ts

But at the lakeside its a different story
When you see them in all of their glory
They put on their coats
and get out their boats
Then sit around like a disjointed jury!

The sailing won't start without luck
there's newspapers, tea and some tuck!
tho' time is a-pressing
Oh God give your blessing!
The only thing afloat is a duck.

Tho' the morning seems all but gone
the club members start getting it on!
Radio sets at the ready...
arms braced and all steady
At long last they're gonna have some fun!

There's Bodger the codger from Ealing
who I reckon ain't got any feelin'
'cos he sits there and stares
into a box of boat spares
and says 'where the hell's me tube of hull sealing?'

Then there's Doug (the silly old duffer)
and his mega-huge Mountfleet puffer
- with a bloody great beam
an' while getting up steam
- he scorches the end of his fluffer!

And old Fred wi' his Revell kit sub
that was tested in a bloody great tub
It submerges sooooo well....
but there's no more to tell....
so he'll drown himself back at the pub!

Happy Dan of the toothy big smile
brings his enormous D-type Fairmile
in a blink of an eye
its revved up and gorn by...
not to return for a bloody long while!

Dotty Dick is a sailing his Flower
says it works purely on his will power
he never swings the lead
if he can only get out of bed
and 'charges' himself by the hour!

Then podgy Paul gives us all a big grin
His Fast Electric that he just throws in
But its a**e about face
as it well wins the race....
(in bits on the bank) for the bin!

The stateliest of all is the yacht
and thats what I wished I had got.
But i soon changed me mind
when I saw that behind...
was a warship firing some hot shot!

Soon time to go home for the day
and slowly the gear's packed away.
They'll be back again next week
with a few new models to tweak
but with very little left of their pay!

So after the previous night....
I've seen 'em all in a different light!
and tho' somewhat enlightening
its just a little frightening..
.... so I think I'll just stick to me kite!


Note : Any similarity with an existing or past Model Boat Club - and/or members of same, is purely coincidental....  ;D  ;D  ;D
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DickyD

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #23 on: November 01, 2006, 03:03:05 PM »

Brilliant !! All your own work I take it . ;)

" Any similarity ". You even named me and got one of my boats right!! :o

Richard
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ambernblu

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Re: Model Boating Limericks
« Reply #24 on: November 01, 2006, 03:07:27 PM »

Brilliant !! All your own work I take it . ;)

" Any similarity ". You even named me and got one of my boats right!! :o

Richard

Richard...

Thanks very much - and yes on two counts, I did have you and your character and boat in mind (but not officially you understand!  ;D ) Both Odes were sort of running in tandem yesterday as the next bits came to me and I've just spent today expanding the second one and finishing it off.... amazing what you can do when you're off work on the sick eh?   ::)  ;D
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