Ode to the Model Boat Club....
One day i was bored out me mind
Just nothing to do could I find
When suddenly it hit me
what I wanted to do bit me...
a bug thats been ever so kind!
Visions of past glories and 'Rule us Brits'
you know how the history fits...
of victories at sea
and why can't it be
that I have my own fleet of warships?
So I purchased myself a boat model
that the shopkeeper said 'be a doddle'
But when I got it back home
thought - won't manage this alone!
so off for some help I did toddle.
In the Red Lion - that very same night!
Model Boat Club? Yeh thats us alright?
Drinks? - you'd better get 'em in!
members? - oh they'll all have a gin!
'cos beer makes 'em even more uptight!
So we sits and we drinks and plays darts
and we wink and lust after the tarts
what a sad load of gits
eyeing up all the t**s
Aye, a right bunch of grumpy old f**ts
But at the lakeside its a different story
When you see them in all of their glory
They put on their coats
and get out their boats
Then sit around like a disjointed jury!
The sailing won't start without luck
there's newspapers, tea and some tuck!
tho' time is a-pressing
Oh God give your blessing!
The only thing afloat is a duck.
Tho' the morning seems all but gone
the club members start getting it on!
Radio sets at the ready...
arms braced and all steady
At long last they're gonna have some fun!
There's Bodger the codger from Ealing
who I reckon ain't got any feelin'
'cos he sits there and stares
into a box of boat spares
and says 'where the hell's me tube of hull sealing?'
Then there's Doug (the silly old duffer)
and his mega-huge Mountfleet puffer
- with a bloody great beam
an' while getting up steam
- he scorches the end of his fluffer!
And old Fred wi' his Revell kit sub
that was tested in a bloody great tub
It submerges sooooo well....
but there's no more to tell....
so he'll drown himself back at the pub!
Happy Dan of the toothy big smile
brings his enormous D-type Fairmile
in a blink of an eye
its revved up and gorn by...
not to return for a bloody long while!
Dotty Dick is a sailing his Flower
says it works purely on his will power
he never swings the lead
if he can only get out of bed
and 'charges' himself by the hour!
Then podgy Paul gives us all a big grin
His Fast Electric that he just throws in
But its a**e about face
as it well wins the race....
(in bits on the bank) for the bin!
The stateliest of all is the yacht
and thats what I wished I had got.
But i soon changed me mind
when I saw that behind...
was a warship firing some hot shot!
Soon time to go home for the day
and slowly the gear's packed away.
They'll be back again next week
with a few new models to tweak
but with very little left of their pay!
So after the previous night....
I've seen 'em all in a different light!
and tho' somewhat enlightening
its just a little frightening..
.... so I think I'll just stick to me kite!
Note : Any similarity with an existing or past Model Boat Club - and/or members of same, is purely coincidental....