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Author Topic: 'Off' button?  (Read 7905 times)

sheerline

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #50 on: January 21, 2010, 07:58:47 PM »

Just got back in here after 'avin me nosh', PMK's guiter backing musik got me rockin then all the following comments from you chaps made me rock some more! :-))

Ah, the good ole days of radio, how I miss them. When I was a lad my mates and I would ride around on our motorbikes, we all had one of those little  transistor radio's (Benkson)and would end up sitting around in some field or the other smoking our stogies (fags) and tuning into things like the Jack Jackson show, Round the Horne etc etc. It always seemed sunny in those days, probably because we didn't sit around in the rain I suppose, but they were heady times even though we were mostly skint. In my case through spending it on oil for that Triumph as it threw away more than it used. It was all interspersed with the news coming back from Vietnam and in the evenings it was Luxumbourg and as PMK says, it used to fade in and out due to atmospherics. I used to build crystal sets as a lad, and would stick my headphones on everynight and doze off to the sound of 'Big L'

Radios themselves were a fascination, they all seemed to have character and were well made albeit a bit cumbersome.
As for radios with dials, there were loads of them kicking around just for the asking as everyone was buying Transistor sets. I had loads of the things piled up in my bedroom as they were a hobby of mine. I ended up being a repair technician servicing radio and tv.
It is still a small hobby as the fascination and love of the old steam radio sets never truly leaves you. I actually have one in the dining room.....of course it works and it still smells like they used to when you stick your head over the top of the cabinet and the heat from the valves comes wafting up your nose.
I built a crystal set for my son yeas ago and raked it out a while back. Just for a bit of nostalgia, I rigged it up next to the bed , it was complete with it's WW2 headphones and worked very well indeed. It wasn't long before I copped it in the neck from Carol however. Just before I would fall asleep, I would hang the headphones over the back of the bed.. just like I did years ago the racket coming from  the headphones  drove her nuts eventually so it didn't last long, it's back in my cupboard.

So, That Paige woman is your Mum eh PMK? No wonder you have to resort to the odd stogie now and then mate! You poor beggar, left alone in the house whilst she wandered off, snorting her way arund the country and putting everyone off their tea.

As for you Funtimefrankie, I'm sure I detect and whiff of sarcasm there but if I'm wrong, I feel you should go away and really seriously think about this and re-consider old chap.

BTW PMK, I will mention to Carol that you inferred she wears a wig... better not give er a pint if we ever meet up mate.

Ps. For any Americans reading any of this stuff, the 'fags' we sat around smoking were the ones you light and puff on.


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PMK

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #51 on: January 21, 2010, 09:41:02 PM »

Funtimefrankie?
Nah, he's cool. You just read it a bit wrong is all.

Ref, your missus, Carol...
Nah, no implications of her being bald or any suchlike. Oh blimey, perish the thought (shiver!).
Unless she's lost her barnet because of health reasons or otherwise, the way I see it is...
She's got auburn hair,
She's a Gemini (no, you twonk!... I didn't say Gedi),
She's approx' five-feet-nine,
Two hands,
Four limbs,
Knows how to handle a bloke when he starts all that whinging malarkey...especially when he's got a cold.
She's braver than most blokes when it comes to spiders,
She wears stockings at Christmas.
And after a hard day's slog in the 'shop, and if you're really good, she'll have a ready-rolled already prepared AND a hot tub waiting - Radox included.

Of course, if I am wrong on any of this, and if she should catch you red-handed wearing the aforementioned stockings and rug, strumming a tennis racket......
Well, that's your lookout.

Re, America:
I was in a Calif' bar. The Yanks had adopted their smoking ban way before us, but they all knew what I meant when I said about going outside for a fag. Fag is not to be confused with faggot (i,e: 'xxxxx' tickler).  I didn't realise that 'Frisco is supposedly the gay capitol of the world, and they're all looking at you, giving you the glad-eye. Thank gawd they knew the fag/faggot thing already because I didn't fancy spending the rest of my time explaining to each and all that I don't do bum-boys stuff.
And their pool tables are a lot more pansier than ours... even if they do know the secret to producing a fine weed, bless 'em.
And best of all....

No E.P.
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sheerline

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #52 on: January 21, 2010, 10:07:33 PM »

 Oh hell, I'm having real problems typing this after reading your post... you try laughing and typing at the same time.
Lets put it this way PMK... she's never caught me strummin a tennis racket!!
Now look, I was being very coy about my 'fag' references but I could barely read yours what with the tears a-rollin down me cheeks (face I mean).
You got Mrs C mostly wrong but you were correct about the handling of a sick bloke, one of her really best attributes ...she cares a lot.
I am a lucky bloke... damned lucky, I don't know any woman who could put up with all the stuff she's put up with over the years... Motor bikes, planes, cars, trains, submarines old radios. The only single thing which hasn't come through the front door and has had to remain outside is the two ton Austin Sheerline, but to be honest a lot of it has as I have often brought stuff indoors so I can proudly show her what I have achieved after a week in the garage. She doesn't really know what it is I am showing her but always has the grace to say  "thats wonderful dear" She's a real gem mate but lately she has taken to nonchalently sideswiping me if I get a bit lippy.
If she left me, I'd be in queer street.... no, no, I didn't mean.... oh heck, you know what I mean!

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sheerline

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #53 on: January 21, 2010, 10:21:36 PM »

I forgot summat.. she's really got a downer on my pipe (smoking) now and gives me some really heavy earache. Actually, she doesn't say too much lately, now she's started giving me 'the look', you know the type, it's the one which sunk the Bismark. I felt better when she actually passed remarks, at least I could respond to that. She only does it because she cares though as she has my wellbeing at heart.
Got to pack it up this year, thinking of paying the doc a visit, getting the 'once over' and trying out the NHS approved non smoking treatment. It'll be like losing an old pal.   
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PMK

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #54 on: January 22, 2010, 12:03:43 AM »

You smoke a pipe?
Cool.

Listen, I have a question......
Your Carol, does she like baking (cakes and such)?

I think I might have just the very solution to all your earache woes.......
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sheerline

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #55 on: January 22, 2010, 09:52:17 AM »

I have to say PMK,  one area where she doesn't indulge too much of herself is in cooking, it's just as well otherwise I would be  Michelin man! She has however just got a new kitchen, the last one lasted twenty years and whats left of it is now in this workshop.
I bet you've got some kind of chill out concoction to add to a baking tray. %%
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PMK

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #56 on: January 23, 2010, 05:13:20 AM »

I say!
Chill-out concoction? Are you daring to imply that I suggest she should lace her cakes with forbidden herbs, and I that I be the culprit that should supply the aforementioned herbies? How dare you, Sire! That's libellous, that is. Speaking as a law-abiding pillock pillar of the community, I am fully aware that any such shenanigans would be tantamount to breaking H.M's laws. I know all this for a fact because my mate Chalkie said that that's what the judge said. It's noughty to possess funny herbs and even naughtier to send them thru the post - so there.
No, I was meaning more along the lines of.......
A couple years ago, some old girl in her seventies, around your neck of the woods, busted for baking and supplying cannibis cakes for all her friends. So they bunged her in the chokey, and all the old folk went mental, because, with their only source of cake now serving time, they all started whinging that their aches and pains came back..... etc.
So if it's THAT good!
It got me wondering.......
What if you and C were to invite the cake lady round for tea one night?
After you've all had a little chomp, sit down and wait for the effects to kick in. As soon as you notice C starting to giggle, or start talking @ 900 wpm, and/or breaking wind while at the same time looking as though she really, really, really couldn't gve a damn anyway, then is the time to make your move. You need to invent some excuse to leave the room. By this time your two cake-induced women will be so far off the planet, leaving you otherwise free to swipe C's credit-card.
Now, while the cake is working, dash down to Argos, tell their spotty dude behind the counter that you want one of their DAB radios. Sneak back home, pop the credit-card back in her purse, then saunter back into the cake room, acting as if everything is all tickety-boo and up-front-like. At this juncture you will notice either one of three things: 1) the women's conversation has tailed-off a bit, or 2) more wind-breaking, or 3) both. This is your cue to reach for the plate and offer everyone a second run.
Again, you need to wait the appropriate kick-in time. The 2nd time around may take a little shorter; all depends on how much they've scoffed and also on their metabolism.  Me I'm no expert but Chalkie says you can expect anywhere between fifteen and thirty minutes. This gives plenty of time to make another excuse to leave the rooom........
So while Caroline and Mrs cake lady are comparing the size of their corns, this is when you scarper off to the shop. Now I don't own one myself, but, by all accounts, with DAB you can shout at it whenever she comes on and she somehow miraculously disappears.
Modern technology, eh?
I'm not sure how they do it, but I'm working on a similar thing, only difference, it employs a biased-junction quasi-tosspot detector. Whenever it hears a voice of any presenter/singer you can't stand, it automatically ejects them from the studio, transposing their molecules to a large vat of urine somewhere in Grimsby. I'm bit apprehensive about the trial run in case it goes loopy, sending Susan Boyle direct to my boudoir instead. You are more than welcome to take it for a test-drive..... if you're brave enough. Don't blame me if EP ends up in the raw, in your shop, nagging to extinguish your pipe.
Runs on 375x AAA-sized Uranium fuel cells.

By the by.... Mom sends her luv.
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sheerline

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #57 on: January 23, 2010, 09:58:19 AM »

I have sat here reading , chortling away to myself, pipe firmly weged between my teeth, coffee in one hand, lighter in the other ... a real picture of health and contentment. As I read, I was thinking to myself "here's a bloke who really cares, he has obviously seen my plight and extended the hand of friendship and proffered the veritable cup of human kindness". Having restored my faith in humanity I became lulled into a sense security, firm in the belief that you had answered my call for help and that it was at hand. Then I scanned to the bottom of the page........ I recoiled in horror as the image of that accursed Paige woman <*< loomed at me from the screen!

My coffee is now spilled on the floor as I re-coiled in horror at the scene before me. First off I lost my breakfast,  my lighter went flying and is lost in the latest submarine build detritus lurking under the bench and now my pipe has become lodged in the back of my throat. Thanks to you, I am now a trembling wreck, a shadow of the man who entered these workshop portals not five minutes ago. I had awakened this morning full of the joys of life but now am considering calling out the airborne paramedics to remove my pipe which has become firmly lodged in my windpipe.

 I understand that you may have been neglected and abused by her as a child and that you have had to endure a lifetime of listening to all that snorting, I understand too that it may have damaged you in some way and in that regard, you have my deepest sympathy.
I realise that as your Mum, you still posess a deep seated attachment to her and despite the abuse and neglect,  in some mind twisted way you wish share that vision, perhaps in the vain hope that it may conjour up some tacid form of approval from those who had a proper Mum.
But to inflict such a vision upon any poor unsuspecting soul is unforgivable and is obviously the product of a warped mind. PMK, there is a nasty streak in you, but given what you have had to endure over the years I guess I can forgive you.
Keep playing that guiter and lose yourself in the music, it will help you overcome your problem and don't keep getting her photograph out and looking at it, it won't do you any good at all.
 
I am off now to see if Mrs C can find the washing tongs to remove my pipe. :((
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malcolmfrary

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #58 on: January 23, 2010, 11:38:27 AM »

Quote
Whenever it hears a voice of any presenter/singer you can't stand, it automatically ejects them from the studio, transposing their molecules to a large vat of urine somewhere in Grimsby.
What have you got against Grimsby?
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PMK

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #59 on: January 23, 2010, 04:33:25 PM »

Nothing, nothing at all.
The historians and old sea salts out there will/should be able to detect  the connection - albeit a tad cryptically - of Grimsby (and several other coastal towns) and that of urine.
Why do you ask, anyhow? Did my mention of that particular place cause any offence? It wasn't meant to.
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FullLeatherJacket

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #60 on: January 23, 2010, 06:21:48 PM »

What have you got against Grimsby?
Trussthorpe - the holiday resort for people who don't like holidays....................and another example of a word cunningly inserted into the otherwise innocent North Lincs place name Thorpe. Do you know; I'm sure  there's another one........................ %)
FLJ
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jonny shoreboy

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #61 on: January 23, 2010, 06:26:52 PM »

Sara Cox or the X-Factor.
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malcolmfrary

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #62 on: January 24, 2010, 01:53:56 PM »

Quote
Why do you ask, anyhow? Did my mention of that particular place cause any offence? It wasn't meant to.
Just wondering why the bits of "personality" were to be sent there in particular?  I just thought placing the vat somewhere in, say, Belgium would have been preferable.

Quote
and another example of a word cunningly inserted into the otherwise innocent North Lincs place name Thorpe. Do you know; I'm sure  there's another one........................
Possibly the thorpe settled by the little known Viking brigand known as Skun the Moderately Unlikeable?
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FullLeatherJacket

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #63 on: January 24, 2010, 03:02:16 PM »

Possibly the thorpe settled by the little known Viking brigand known as Skun the Moderately Unlikeable?
Do you know, Doc? I think you've got it there. We mustn't forget Mable, either - even if her spelling was always suspect.

Sorry for drifting off-topic, Death-Eaters - if there's any way back for me then may I say that I can't stand PMK's Uber-Mother either.,,,,,,,and as for Paul O'Grady? Words, for once, fail me.

FLJ (Resident of the settlement of Skun's less-likeable cousin, Snott.)
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Patrick Henry

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #64 on: January 24, 2010, 03:24:03 PM »

Is it any, I say is it any wonder that I worry about you lot? I was contemplating going to Martin's Wicksteed bash this year and maybe meet some of you, but now...well, I'm not so sure that I'd come back with my sanity intact.

May the Lord have mercy upon your poor twisted souls.

Amen, brothers.


Rich
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sheerline

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #65 on: January 24, 2010, 06:44:47 PM »

'She' was on again today... that Paige woman... PMK's Mum. I heard the announcement she make earlier, telling the world what time she was broadcasting... sounded like she was trying to vomit a furball up!
I was dreading Mrs C might innadvertantly turn the radio on so I unplugged all of them them and gave her strict instructions to leave well alone. Just to make sure, I shortened her chain and re-affixed it to the sink area, so today we have been 'Paige' free.
Whats the betting PMK has had the radio on this afternoon... I wonder what he listened to %)
As for thread changing, don't worry chaps, I started this and am probably more likely to drift off the bearing than most of you. %%
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PMK

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #66 on: January 25, 2010, 12:11:19 AM »

"I just thought placing the vat somewhere in, say, Belgium would have been preferable."

Yeah, I see your point.
...in which case I shall be using a beefier output transistor henceforth.

Sheerline,
Why not just come right out and admit it. Go on, admit that you really, really do carry a torch for my maternal.
You just admitted that you tuned-in to her again today, so go on, admit it - you just can't keep away from her dulcet tones, can you?

You know, there was a time when I used to have a sneaky chuckle at Terry Wogan - I couldn't understand why the dude should wanna get himself involved with all that Miss World malarkey. Then I saw him and Graham Norton on some TV show one one night..... GM was trying to get one over, but TW soon put the little sucker in his place. Since then I've taken to liking the man.... even if his real name is Terry Wig-on.
My mum has even got his autograph. And furthermore, she say you can have hers if you send her gallons and gallons of Strongbow.

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PMK

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #67 on: January 25, 2010, 12:14:36 AM »

Ref FLJ's referal to Ma Snott......

Blimey!... Now there's a blast from the past.
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FullLeatherJacket

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #68 on: January 25, 2010, 12:22:16 AM »

Further your education, my son.
 
Nottingham is a shortened form of the original Saxon name 'Snottingham', which translates as 'the settlement of the people of Snott'. The 'S' was dropped later on, much like the "Sucks" was from Derby or the "Stinks" from Leicester.........................(watch the switchboard go mad now, Martin!)  :o

FLJ

BTW I had a Benkson, too! Was it Boots'own brand?
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PMK

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #69 on: January 25, 2010, 12:38:45 AM »

"Nottingham is a shortened form of the original Saxon name 'Snottingham', which translates as 'the settlement of the people of Snott'."

Really?
Now that IS interesting.
You know the two ladies down at Dawnmist Studios, right? One of them took me to this little lane at the back of their property - told me how it was originally made by the Saxons.
And also, some old encylopaedias happened along the walk of life, and found within, mucho mention of your Snottingham.

Until now I thought is was just a load of hoo'ey.


Fascinating stuff, Mr Jaquet. Thanks for that.
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PMK

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #70 on: January 25, 2010, 12:51:38 AM »

Just as an aside......

When did the 'shire' thing come into being? These days we send our mail to Notts, and our posties automatically know that we mean Nottingham. But where does the shire thing come into it? Nottingham is a shire, Devon is a shire....... where did this shire thing stem from?
Nobodody pronounces Somerset as Somersetshire.
Why not?
Is it something to do with catherdrals, or somesuch?
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sheerline

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Re: 'Off' button?
« Reply #71 on: January 25, 2010, 10:01:41 AM »

If they dropped the 'S' from Snottingham, I wonder why they retained it for Scunthorpe!

No Pmk, a thousand times No, I definately did not tune into 'that woman', the announcement I heard was delivered in the middle of another prog earlier and she sprung it on an unsuspecting public. I was ok after a couple of gaviscon and continued working with only the slightest hint of a tremble. I have to say, "not listening to her was so much easier than giving up smoking" No more sundays stretched out on the sofa with a wet towel over the forehead for me.

FLJ, the little Benkson pocket radios were a well made little set and being so compact, around 4x3x1 inches , tucked quite neatly into the elasticated band for the motorcycle goggles. Can't remember where I bought mine but I think even Woolworths may have stocked them at one time. Occasionally one sees them on e-bay under 'Vintage radio'. Strangely, there are times when Medium wave appears to offer a good option to FM as occasionally, the FM band has little to offer. With the acoustics and positioning of the speakers in my workshop, the lack of stereo is of little consequence.
 
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