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Author Topic: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes  (Read 28005 times)

RaaArtyGunner

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #200 on: March 01, 2011, 10:07:37 PM »

No doubt about it, they will be back.  In the meantime.............

Q: What is the main function of the Australia coach?
A: To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

Q: What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?
A: A waiter.

Q: Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the Australian team?
A: The woman who ironed the cricket whites.

Q: Why don't Aussie fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
A: Because they never catch anything.

Q: What's the Aussie version of a hat trick?
A: Three runs in three balls.

Q: What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
A: Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.
 
Q: What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Australian batsmen?
A: The walk back to the pavilion.

Q: What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
A: The entire Australian innings.

Q: What's the Australian version of LBW?
A: Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Q: Why do Australians call their favourite drink XXXX?
A: Because they can't spell beer.

Q. What does Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A.  A bat.

Q. What is the definition of optimism?
A.  An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen before going out to bat.

Q. What's the difference between and Aussie batsman and a formula 1 car?   
A.  Nothing!   If you blink you'll miss both.

And so it continues with revised updated current listing.

What do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an Oxo cube?
A laughing stock.

 

 The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting. 
 They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!

 

What’s the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?
A funeral director doesn’t keep losing the ashes.

 

Did you hear what the stump microphones picked up when The Ashes skippers tossed the coin on Boxing Day?
Andrew Strauss called correctly and, quick as a flash, said to Ricky Ponting: “You lads can bat.’’
Just as quick, Ponting replied: “No, we can’t.. We really can’t.”

 

What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?
A waiter.

 

Of everyone in the Aussie team, who spends the most time at the crease?
The woman who irons their cricket whites.
 
What’s the height of optimism? An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

 

Why did the Aussie break his leg throwing a ball?
He forgot it was chained to his foot.

 

What is the main function of the Australia coach?
To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

 

On his way out into the middle to bat, Ricky Ponting gets a call from his wife and teammate Michael Hussey tells her he’s heading out to the middle.
His wife replies: “I’ll hold, he won’t be long!”

 

What’s the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
Nothing! If you blink you’ll miss them both.
 
Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

 

What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.

 

What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Australian innings.

 

What’s the Australian version of LBW?
Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

 

Why is Ricky Ponting cleverer than Houdini?
Because he can get out without even trying.

 

What does Ricky Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball is almost certainly going to be a wicket?
A bat.

 

What do you call a cricket field full of Australians ?
A vacant lot.

 

Why do Australians call their favourite drink XXXX?
Because they can’t spell beer.

 

Why can’t Australian blokes take their girlfriends to the cricket?
They eat all the grass.

 

What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson?
They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.

 

Heard the one about the Englishman who was stopped by Australian immigration officers at Sydney airport?
They asked him if he had a criminal record.
He replied: “I didn’t know it was still necessary..”

 

What’s the difference between Ricky Ponting and a phoenix?
At the end of the ashes, the phoenix still has a future
 

 

 

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Martin13

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #201 on: March 01, 2011, 11:18:27 PM »



                           {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-)

Mdu......I like em!
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barryfoote

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #202 on: March 02, 2011, 07:44:47 AM »

Brilliant, but watch out for them in the World Cup....They could just go and win it again!! :-) :-)
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Peter Fitness

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #203 on: March 02, 2011, 09:20:02 PM »

Brilliant, but watch out for them in the World Cup....They could just go and win it again!! :-) :-)

One can only hope, Barry O0

Peter.
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Martin13

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #204 on: March 02, 2011, 10:06:00 PM »

One can only hope, Barry O0

Peter.

We have to learn "How to Share" %)

Martin du
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barryfoote

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #205 on: March 03, 2011, 08:11:57 AM »

England are very good at sharing.......letting the Irish have the glory!!!!!!! <:( <:( <:( <:( <:( <:( <:( <*< <*< <*< <*< <*< <*<
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richtea

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #206 on: March 03, 2011, 11:47:34 AM »

Footski,
look at my message to Peter on page 4 of this thread.
This is what England are good at.
Out of three games we have been in a winning position in all three,
yet we let India get a draw and Ireland a win.
That's not sharing, that's not knowing how to win.
If the Aussies had been in a similar position they would have won all three games.
Its never dull supporting England.
Regards
Richard  :(( :-))
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Martin13

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #207 on: March 03, 2011, 01:21:30 PM »

Footski,
look at my message to Peter on page 4 of this thread.
This is what England are good at.
Out of three games we have been in a winning position in all three,
yet we let India get a draw and Ireland a win.
That's not sharing, that's not knowing how to win.
If the Aussies had been in a similar position they would have won all three games.
Its never dull supporting England.
Regards
Richard  :(( :-))

but having said that, I think it's really nice of you lot allowing the Irish to have something to celebrate - WOW, they were a happy lot up in the stands :-)) :-)) :-)) O0 O0 O0

Mdu
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barryfoote

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #208 on: March 03, 2011, 03:42:46 PM »

Tow of my neighbors and good friends are Irish.......They have not stopped celebrating yet!!!!!!and they will remind me of this result for years to come... <:( <:( <:( <:(
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barryfoote

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #209 on: March 04, 2011, 08:21:03 AM »

Following the debacle of the England v Ireland match, it has been decided by Government that a new competition will be started between those two sides. Played annually, the trophy is to be made from burning the boxes (Abdominal supports) of the English Players. The ashes will be stored in a Shillelagh and kept permanently on display in Dublin!!

For those uninitiated amongst you a Shillelagh is a famous Irish Blackthorn Fighting Stick   %% %% %% %%
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RaaArtyGunner

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #210 on: March 04, 2011, 09:50:00 AM »

Following the debacle of the England v Ireland match, it has been decided by Government that a new competition will be started between those two sides. Played annually, the trophy is to be made from burning the boxes (Abdominal supports) of the English Players. The ashes will be stored in a Shillelagh and kept permanently on display in Dublin!!

For those uninitiated amongst you a Shillelagh is a famous Irish Blackthorn Fighting Stick   %% %% %% %%

Methinks there is a song in there somewhere,
"With me shillelagh under me arm an a twinkle in me eye....................."
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Peter Fitness

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #211 on: March 04, 2011, 11:07:43 PM »

Maybe the England supporters will disagree with me, but the England v Ireland match was very entertaining cricket. Kevin O'Brien (Kevin who??) was a delight to watch, and made a very good England bowling attack look quite ordinary. He may never play an innings like that ever again, but his name is now in the record books as having scored the fastest century in World Cup cricket, a record that will take some beating. The fact that he set that record against one of the top cricketing nations makes it all the more special. His approach to the game reminded me of Adam Gilchrist at his best.

The result certainly throws the cat among the pigeons, and must have dented England's confidence. I think that they are good enough to bounce back.

Peter.
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barryfoote

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #212 on: March 05, 2011, 08:21:16 AM »

Peter,

You are far too generous to a poor one day team........I mean England of course. History shows we are not good at this format...

Having said that I think the game was superbly entertaining and has done a lot of good for the Associate Members and maybe for World cricket in general......That said, I am deeply embarrassed by the result.....In the old days the Captain would have "lost his head"...... <*< <*< <*< <*< <*< <*<
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Bee

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #213 on: March 06, 2011, 11:15:28 PM »

Just watching the highlights for Sunday and Bell was 'caught' (C&B Peterson diving to the left) but on my slow motion on the V+ it hit the ground. Were there comments and reviews at the time? anyone up that early in the morning.
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barryfoote

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #214 on: March 07, 2011, 06:42:02 AM »

I never noticed that.......I don't think any review was made of it.....Still a surprising and good win for England. They certainly have entertained so far in this World Cup!!!!!
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Martin13

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #215 on: March 27, 2011, 02:02:37 AM »

Well, so much for the cricket - we both came to a sudden halt.. {:-{

Looks like Sri Lanka have it in the bag :-))

it's about time we offloaded the World Cup Trophy. Good to see the subcontinent doing so well which will make future World cups more exciting. Gives the time Aussies to rebuild, starting off with discarding the selectors... :-)) :-)) :-))

Mdu
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Peter Fitness

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #216 on: March 27, 2011, 07:19:56 AM »

India for me O0

You're absolutely right about the selectors, Martin, and Ricky Ponting should be replaced as captain. There is no doubt about his quality as a batsman, his record speaks for itself but, in my opinion, he is not a good captain. I think that his poor form in recent times has been largely due to the responsiblilties that the captaincy entails, although his innings against Pakistan was outstanding, and shows what he can do when his back is against the wall. However, it was one good innings among a lot of disappointing ones.

Peter.
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Patternmaker

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #217 on: March 27, 2011, 02:37:27 PM »

I wouldn't write off NZ yet, its also time Strauss was replaced as one day captain as well, like Ponting one good innings does not win matches, his effort yesterday was appalling in the thrashing by Sri Lanka, even if we had
manage to score 300+ it wouldn't have been enough with the England bowling attack.
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richtea

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #218 on: March 27, 2011, 03:24:28 PM »

Once again England went to a world cup full of expectation,
and came back well before the final.
We are miles behind most of the teams from the Sub Continent and dare I say it, the Aussies and Kiwis.
The so called experts are already spouting the rubbish about playing too much cricket.
When I started watching the game counties played each other twice a season,
and there was only one division.
Now there are two divisions, and they still keep changing the format.
Now the ECB will be changing the format again no doubt.
Good luck to the teams left in the cup,
the Kiwis with a population of about 4.5 million show that you can win games with limited recourses.
So as the underdogs they will have my support for the semis.
Regards
Richard  >:-o
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barryfoote

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #219 on: March 27, 2011, 08:11:01 PM »

Maybe the England supporters will disagree with me, but the England v Ireland match was very entertaining cricket. Kevin O'Brien (Kevin who??) was a delight to watch, and made a very good England bowling attack look quite ordinary. He may never play an innings like that ever again, but his name is now in the record books as having scored the fastest century in World Cup cricket, a record that will take some beating. The fact that he set that record against one of the top cricketing nations makes it all the more special. His approach to the game reminded me of Adam Gilchrist at his best.

The result certainly throws the cat among the pigeons, and must have dented England's confidence. I think that they are good enough to bounce back.

Peter.

Big problem here Peter. Who do you replace Ricky with? There is no obvious choice!!!!!  With my England cap on I say "yes" replace him, but with my cricket head I say keep him until someone comes along who can do the job....

As for England, well we simply are not good enough at the one day game. That said, I do feel sorry for players that have been away from home for 5 months.That is ridiculous. After 5 months away what would you want to do, play another couple of games or get home to your normal life and the bosom of your family. Don't blame the players, blame the ECB for allowing such a stupid schedule..
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RaaArtyGunner

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #220 on: March 27, 2011, 09:38:37 PM »

Just wondering,

Maybe they can't play good cricket including the Capitan
 O0 O0 O0 %) %) %)

Ergo, solution pick a team that can play cricket but, only if you want to win  O0 O0 O0
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Peter Fitness

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Re: The Ashes - for those interested in the Ashes
« Reply #221 on: March 27, 2011, 10:21:52 PM »

Who do you replace Ricky with? There is no obvious choice!

Barry, I believe that the "obvious choice" is Michael Clarke, who is currently the vice-captain. He has shown himself to be tactically competent and a good leader but, like Ponting, has not been in the best of form. However, as I see it, the biggest problem is in the bowling ranks. The selectors in their wisdom :o went with Tait, Lee and Krezja, all of whom performed reasonably, but I think that there were better options available. Krezja had not been getting wickets domestically and yet was preferred to other, more credentialled spinners for the World Cup, and Tait had hardly played any cricket before his selection.

Australia has some very good young cricketers coming through the ranks, they just need to be given experience at the top level.

Peter.
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