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Author Topic: Re: Jokes & Humour 3  (Read 145554 times)

dodgy geezer

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #100 on: December 19, 2009, 02:22:26 pm »

 ;)
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Wasyl

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #101 on: December 19, 2009, 02:32:43 pm »


This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you....

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3 In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid.  You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean....  :-))

   Yours sincerely,
        The Dog


Just to let you know,I work part -time for the SSPCA,your comments have been noted, O0

Wullie
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DickyD

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #102 on: December 19, 2009, 02:35:31 pm »

SSPCA ?  Do they have a branch in Peterborough then ?
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Wasyl

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #103 on: December 19, 2009, 03:22:41 pm »

There everywhere, {-) {-).......?

Wullie

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dodgy geezer

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #104 on: December 19, 2009, 04:10:53 pm »

 :police:
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andyn

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #105 on: December 19, 2009, 04:17:37 pm »

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bilzin

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #106 on: December 19, 2009, 05:02:39 pm »

OK Mr Doggy    let's argue !      >:-o
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w3bby

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #107 on: December 19, 2009, 08:25:36 pm »

Enough of the cats....... >>:-(
Almost forgot this and I guess it applies to more than a few of you too....... http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=7lSliucgygc

amdaylight

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #108 on: December 21, 2009, 01:20:00 am »

I like that one I think O0 ;D O0 :-)) {:-{
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Martin (Admin)

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #109 on: January 08, 2010, 01:46:53 pm »

One for all you motorbike heads.....  :P
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DickyD

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #110 on: January 09, 2010, 10:50:58 am »

    HEMA is a Dutch department store. The first store opened on November 4, 1926, in Amsterdam . Now there are 150 stores all over the Netherlands


    Take a look at HEMA's product page - just wait a couple of seconds and watch what happens...

    DON'T click on any of the items in the picture, just wait....
     
    This company has a sense of humor and a great computer programmer, who has too much time on his hands...
             
              http://producten.hema.nl/
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Dreadstar

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #111 on: January 09, 2010, 11:20:17 am »

If only all on-line shopping was that much fun to watch. {-)
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dougal99

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #112 on: January 09, 2010, 02:03:29 pm »

I bet that programmer is a Wallace and Grommit fan or a Heath Robinson aficionado.  Great stuff
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Perkasaman2

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #113 on: January 10, 2010, 11:38:52 pm »

Ford car advert? - Did the programmer watch them or did ford see the dutch catalogue? - both brilliant.  {-)
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Martin (Admin)

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #114 on: January 11, 2010, 05:23:31 pm »

Evelyn Border, 56, holds up a sign outside a Pennsylvania courthouse, admitting to stealing a giftcard from a nine-year-old child after she left it on a shelf in a WalMart store
Picture: SPLASH NEWS

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/pictures-of-the-year/6906216/Pictures-of-the-year-2009-funny.html?image=2
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swordfish fairey

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #115 on: January 12, 2010, 10:00:54 am »

HEADLINE......Cat a lina spots Bismarck in the inland sea...... :embarrassed:..
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Bugsy

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #116 on: January 15, 2010, 07:33:05 am »

Adam & God




God said, 'Adam, I
Want you to do
Something for Me.'

Adam said, 'Gladly,
Lord, what do You
Want me to do?'

God said, 'Go down
Into that valley.'

Adam said, 'What's a Valley?'

God explained it to
Him. Then God said,
'Cross the river...'

Adam said, 'What's a River?'

God explained that
To him, and then said,
'Go over to the hill....'

Adam said, 'What is a
Hill?'

So, God explained to
Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, 'On
The other side of the
Hill you will find a
Cave.'

Adam said, 'What's a
Cave?'

After God explained,
He said, 'In the cave
You will find a woman.'

Adam said, 'What's a Woman?'

So God explained
That to him, too.

Then, God said, 'I
Want you to
Reproduce.'

Adam said, 'How do
I do that?'

God first said (under
His breath), 'Geez.....'

And then, just like Everything else, God Explained that to
Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down
Into the valley,

Across the river, and
Over the hill, into the
Cave, and finds the
Woman.

Then, in about five Minutes, he was back.

God, His patience
Wearing thin, said
Angrily, 'What is it
Now?'

And Adam said.....

*

*

(YOU'RE GOING TO
LOVE THIS!!!!!!)*

*

*

*

*

'What's a headache?'
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DickyD

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #117 on: January 24, 2010, 06:12:18 pm »

One in every holiday snap.
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omra85

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #118 on: January 25, 2010, 11:13:22 am »

 :-))

"Sealtic, Sealtic - cumon the Sealtic"

 %%
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DickyD

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #119 on: January 25, 2010, 12:15:07 pm »

 {:-{
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essex2visuvesi

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #120 on: January 25, 2010, 12:38:25 pm »



A man walks into Ann Summers [store] to purchase some see-through   
 lingerie for his wife

He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in
price, the more see-through, the higher the price.


He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie
home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and
model it for him...

Upstairs the wife thinks 'I have an idea. It's so see-through that it
might as well be nothing. I won't put it on - do the modelling naked
then return it tomorrow and get a £150 refund and keep the money for
myself'.

So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.

The husband says 'Stone me, it wasn't that creased in the shop'.


His funeral is next Thursday..
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omra85

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #121 on: January 25, 2010, 04:53:53 pm »

One in every holiday snap.

The seal is a football fan (you always get them sticking their head in when they're holding a serious interview on the telly)
So he's sticking his head in a a serious documentary on penguins!  And "Sealtic" was the nearest football team name I could come up with (Celtic).
Therefore he is shouting "Sealtic, Sealtic - cumon the Sealtic"...

It's lost a lot in the explanlation ...
so try to keep up in future  :P :P {-)

Danny  :kiss:
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Patrick Henry

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #122 on: January 25, 2010, 05:20:42 pm »

Hmm...
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The long Build

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #123 on: January 25, 2010, 09:28:08 pm »

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.
 At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.
 
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
 
Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
 
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
 
The American said,
 
'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
 
"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"
 
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,
 
“Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.”
 
You could have heard a pin drop.
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Patrick Henry

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 3
« Reply #124 on: January 26, 2010, 04:22:39 am »

 The scent of  freshness.
     
A new Safeway supermarket  opened in Winnipeg.


It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce
fresh.  Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
 
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience  the scent of fresh cut hay.
 
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks.

In the liquor  department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped  Miller Lite.

When you  approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is  filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
 
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread &  cookies.
 
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.



 
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