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Author Topic: Apprentices  (Read 3896 times)

boatmadman

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Apprentices
« on: May 23, 2007, 09:17:40 PM »

The Mate on one ship I was on sent a young deck apprentice down below for some red and green oil for the nav lights.

The lad asked me if the mate was taking the p***. Of course I said yes, but we would get him back.

The lad went topside with a bucket of hydraulic oil (red) and a bucket of lube oil (greenish).

The mate wasnt impressed!  ;D

Ian
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Shipmate60

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2007, 09:21:51 PM »

Did he get your left handed screwdriver,your bucket of steam after finding his long weight!!   :)

Bob
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chingdevil

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2007, 09:23:44 PM »

Did he get sent for a long wait? I did ;D

The other Brian
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catengineman

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2007, 09:25:19 PM »

We All know that tugs can TOW start big ships

OK I was only 9 at the time and dad told me never to work on the water like he did.

Richard,
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PSSHIPS

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2007, 10:14:32 PM »

Go fetch the Buffer's test takle? We need it to weigh these lagging balls?
 How's that one?
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sinjon

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2007, 07:58:11 AM »

Different profession, but sky hooks to hang prototype aircraft (models)  in the wind tunnel.

Colin
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Colin

sheerline

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #6 on: May 24, 2007, 03:46:15 PM »

Bucket of steam ring any bells with anyone? Perhaps the 'aquipever shunt misaligned with the snifting valve'!
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Made it to 80 (25p Richer now)

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #7 on: May 24, 2007, 03:56:59 PM »

Bubble for spirit level
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tigertiger

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2007, 04:05:34 PM »

Tartan paint anyone?
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boatmadman

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #9 on: May 24, 2007, 04:50:03 PM »

I was sent for a bucket of steam as an apprentice - I came back with a bucket of water and told the 2E the steam had gone cold!

I spent the next couple of days mopping bilges!  :D

Dont you just hate a smart*ss! I learnt pretty quick tho!

Ian
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malcolmfrary

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #10 on: May 24, 2007, 05:12:43 PM »

The favourite on the POED for yoofs was a box of dial tones.  And the everlasting... left handed pliers... much joy there.
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MikeK

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #11 on: May 24, 2007, 06:26:07 PM »

Got told to go down the engine room for steam on deck for the organ and see the Mate for the hymn books for the Sunday service. Fortunately my mate's dad who was a Ch. Engineer had warned me of all the hoaxes beforehand so I replied in a suitable fashion (Mainly Anglo Saxon !) My smugness was shortlived as the bosun sent me forr'd to get a fid which I had never heard of so thought it was another bit of daftness. Consequently off I toddled, hung around for a while then came back and said there wasn't any (smirk) The bosun then took me forr'd and introduced me to that wooden instrument along with a torrent of West Indian and Anglo Saxon abuse ! ;D

MikeK
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catengineman

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #12 on: May 24, 2007, 07:08:46 PM »

misaligned with the snifting valve'!

Arr now then now then if one has ever worked on a British Polar engine one would know where the snifter valves actually were.

and to add to injury very old car thermostats had a giggling pin valve

I kid you not

Richard,
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sheerline

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #13 on: May 24, 2007, 09:55:41 PM »

Yup, the snifting valve is real.. locomotives have one, but an 'aquipever shunt'...never!
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taxi

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #14 on: May 25, 2007, 12:23:06 PM »

An old cable jointer remarked to the young lad that he could do with a good bucket.          He wandered down road to the next van and came back with bucket.     What the ==== is that for,   asked the old guy.    A few large whiskeys was what he wanted.
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wombat

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #15 on: May 26, 2007, 09:32:00 AM »

At one place the stores was at the far end of a largish factory to where new apprentice was.......

Apprentice was sent for a bucket of spots for the spot welder. Trekked across the factory three or four times because certain sizes weren't in and would others do before he caught on.

Elsewhere the place, had a very ambitious apprentice - he had his eye on an office job. Because the company was a division of Philips, he was told that being a Dutch company, all business and particularly meetings were conducted in Dutch........yoof appeared next day with a phrase book.

Same place (a semiconductor plant), another yoof was told after breaking a wafer that all breakages were to be paid for and that breakages were charged at the potential lost revenue value (we were b*****ds after all). Poor kid nearly fainted when he was told that he was looking at a bill of about 250K - about 20 years salary at the time.
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sheerline

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #16 on: May 26, 2007, 01:20:27 PM »

Ah storemen, ,what is it with storemen? They were always the same wherever you went, they were usally dedicated to their job which meant A- being elusive or absent, B- obstructive, in keeping you and that vital component as far apart from each other as possible or C- totally unhurried. When you did find one, he was uusally sat on a wooden box round the back somewhere and eating an apple. When you had waited for five minutes for someone to appear and had finished yelling and jumping up and down impatiently, he would amble to the store window (still munching the apple) and say "ugh, wodga want"? You would request the component and before you finished the sentance  he say "aint got none". When you stated you could actually see the item on the shelf behind him, there would always be some special stores type reason why you couldn't have it. You could say what you liked.. "Ive got an aircraft stuck on a runway waiting for this job and I gotta have this part.. right now" Back would come the unsmiling reply.. " The computer printout says we are out of stock"!
Walks away.. sits down.. resumes munching remains of apple.
Then one day he would get a new boy .. an apprentice.. and within six months, this beaming spotty youth who began as a cheery but ignorant soul became a fully fledgen storeman..... "Ugh... Wodga want, aint got none... munch munch"!! 
Oh how I miss them... happy daze!
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tigertiger

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #17 on: May 26, 2007, 04:07:57 PM »

Ah storemen, ,what is it with storemen? They were always the same wherever you went, they were usally dedicated to their job which meant A- being elusive or absent, B- obstructive, in keeping you and that vital component as far apart from each other as possible or C- totally unhurried. When you did find one, he was uusally sat on a wooden box round the back somewhere and eating an apple. When you had waited for five minutes for someone to appear and had finished yelling and jumping up and down impatiently, he would amble to the store window (still munching the apple) and say "ugh, wodga want"? You would request the component and before you finished the sentance  he say "aint got none". When you stated you could actually see the item on the shelf behind him, there would always be some special stores type reason why you couldn't have it. You could say what you liked.. "Ive got an aircraft stuck on a runway waiting for this job and I gotta have this part.. right now" Back would come the unsmiling reply.. " The computer printout says we are out of stock"!
Walks away.. sits down.. resumes munching remains of apple.
Then one day he would get a new boy .. an apprentice.. and within six months, this beaming spotty youth who began as a cheery but ignorant soul became a fully fledgen storeman..... "Ugh... Wodga want, aint got none... munch munch"!! 
Oh how I miss them... happy daze!

Or 'stores are for storing things, not issuing them.'
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Shipmate60

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #18 on: May 26, 2007, 07:38:49 PM »

Thats why storemen are called STOREKEEPERS, to keep the stores.
I went to our stores for some cable, storekeeper said "aint got none".
I walked in to the store, picked up a reel of the cable and walked out.
On my way he asked me where I was going with the cable. I said "what cable , you havent got any" and took it on board.
Funny, I did get better service after that!!

Bob
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sheerline

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #19 on: May 26, 2007, 07:42:18 PM »

Tried that, didn't work, they had a different part number for it and said it was for a different job!
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catengineman

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #20 on: May 29, 2007, 05:50:39 PM »

Not a true apprentice but we have a young chap aboard our vessel (discharge machine opperator) who thought that WE were taking the proverbial P*** when we told him NOT to damage the 'ceilings' when he was digging the ballast from the bottom of the ships hold.

Then every term would be questioned, monkey island, crows nest cross trees etc (kitchen? he still cant get used to calling it a 'galley'

Richard,                                                off on a 3 week tour this time  :'(
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sinjon

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #21 on: May 29, 2007, 06:23:37 PM »

As an apprentice and with unbelievable stupidity, I was persuaded to put my head between two spot welder thingy's, power on, but movement off, wow! a flash of lightening in my head. Even now my stomach turns with the thought of ...........

Colin
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spoons

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #22 on: July 20, 2007, 12:40:37 AM »

On one ship i was on the new lad was given a blanket, a welding mask and a torch to go and charge the escape arrows, and on early morning flashups the new guy was sent the OOD to get the ships ignition keys they were never to happy about being woken up for them.
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MikeK

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #23 on: July 20, 2007, 08:54:11 AM »

When I was working on Wimpey drilling ships the fitter asked the drilling foreman , who was helping him on a generator, to go fetch a metric shifting spanner. Off he toddled and only twigged after an abortive search of the store room !
Pat, if you are reading this, sorry to let your secret out to the world  ;D ;D

MikeK
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kendalboatsman

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Re: Apprentices
« Reply #24 on: July 20, 2007, 10:06:31 AM »

When I was working on Wimpey drilling ships the fitter asked the drilling foreman , who was helping him on a generator, to go fetch a metric shifting spanner. Off he toddled and only twigged after an abortive search of the store room !
Pat, if you are reading this, sorry to let your secret out to the world  ;D ;D

MikeK

Hi Mike,

When I was an apprentice my foreman once asked me to go fetch his large adjustable spanner and I jokingly said "which one metric or imperial" Last laugh on me because you can buy adjustable spanners with metric calibration marks on the jaws. So as strange as it sounds you can get a metric adjustable spanner.

Clive ;D
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