Well Andy i think you should contact the Chief Medical Officer with your suggestions, clearly a cheaper protocol than the Hazchem suits etc. I am more of a Marmite man myself although I do have Bovril as a standby.
As far as soups go perhaps you could tell us the manufacturer so we may all be prepared? Do you think Lobster Bisque (Baxters of course) would be an adequate substitute? I feel oxtail has too many connotations that my brain invisages mainly brought on by the unfortunate colour.
My own shortness of breath I can usually put down to my poor wife attempting to silence my snoring with a pillow.
Having had surgery for the slow pee problem I sleep with an emergency peg under the pillow, however I do agree that 2:30 in the morning is just about a bad time for everything unless.... no, I must not go there!
regards, but tongue in cheek, manflu is far more serious,
Roy