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Author Topic: Non-sticky plasters  (Read 5862 times)

Martin [Admin]

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Re: Non-sticky plasters
« Reply #25 on: November 06, 2014, 06:16:55 pm »


 Iodine, that brings back memories....must of them very stingy!
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Non-sticky plasters
« Reply #26 on: November 06, 2014, 06:19:08 pm »

my wife was bitten by the cat last week, right the way through her little finger (he didn't want to eat the worming tablet) so off to A&E we trot, out came a big bottle of Povidone iodine, was splashes over the bit, then the tetanus injection, and some antibiotics and we were in and out in about 20 minutes.
So they are still using iodine on wounds even now.
Grendel

That reminds me of one of my favorite posts...


How To Give A Cat A Pill   
 

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.  As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.  Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 


5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 

10 . Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Neck another shot. Throw away T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom. 

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 

13. Tie the little xxxxxxx's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be though about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 

15 . Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.



How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss in the air.


I know this this on here already but I need a laugh at the end of the week and this always does it for me!   :-))


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boman

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Re: Non-sticky plasters
« Reply #27 on: November 07, 2014, 05:55:33 am »

That reminds me of one of my favorite posts...


How To Give A Cat A Pill   
 

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.  As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.  Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 


5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 

10 . Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Neck another shot. Throw away T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom. 

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. 

13. Tie the little xxxxxxx's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be though about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. 

15 . Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.



How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss in the air.


I know this this on here already but I need a laugh at the end of the week and this always does it for me!   :-))


I own 2 cats. And pay a vet to feed them pills. Best money I spend on the little sods.
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grendel

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Re: Non-sticky plasters
« Reply #28 on: November 07, 2014, 01:43:58 pm »

we have 7 cats, just buying the pills is a big enough hit in the wallet. we did have 2 of us, I had the 4 feet, but it was still my fault he bit her (he is the biggest of the lot, and even with 2 of us holding on could wriggle enough to be difficult.
Grendel
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essex2visuvesi

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Re: Non-sticky plasters
« Reply #29 on: November 07, 2014, 01:57:20 pm »

Off topic I know, but there is a excellent book called "how to live with a calculating cat" it's a must read for anyone with a cat. Very funny, and has a section on giving medication.


http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Live-With-Calculating-Cat/dp/0671220403
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SailorGreg

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Re: Non-sticky plasters
« Reply #30 on: November 07, 2014, 07:07:15 pm »

And, if I remember correctly, a companion volume "How to live with a neurotic dog"   {-) {-)

Did Ronald Searle illustrate them or is my memory befuddled by "How to be Topp"?  Who remembers that?

(It's my thread so I think I can continue the hijack  %))

Greg

Edit - just followed the link and there's the "Dog" book - but clearly not Searle illustrations so another failure of brain  :((

malcolmfrary

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Re: Non-sticky plasters
« Reply #31 on: November 07, 2014, 07:17:33 pm »

Not sure about wrapping a dog in bacon....... {:-{
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SailorGreg

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Re: Non-sticky plasters
« Reply #32 on: November 07, 2014, 07:18:34 pm »

 {-) {-) {-)

dougal99

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Re: Non-sticky plasters
« Reply #33 on: November 07, 2014, 08:37:24 pm »

Yea that is a bit rash!  8)
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essex2visuvesi

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Re: Non-sticky plasters
« Reply #34 on: November 08, 2014, 12:45:06 am »

And, if I remember correctly, a companion volume "How to live with a neurotic dog"   {-) {-)

Did Ronald Searle illustrate them or is my memory befuddled by "How to be Topp"?  Who remembers that?

(It's my thread so I think I can continue the hijack  %) )

Greg

Edit - just followed the link and there's the "Dog" book - but clearly not Searle illustrations so another failure of brain  :((


Yes there was a dog one too..... I inherited the books from my aunt years ago, no idea where they are now tho
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