Topic: Jokes & Humour - 2016 (Read 256970 times)

Nemo · « **Reply #525 on:** October 30, 2016, 08:29:58 pm »

In England, they will take a tree, cut it down, remove the branches and the bark until they are left with a cylinder. Next, they will take the cylinder of wood and turn it on a lathe and whittle away until they are left with a perfectly formed bat. The bat will be cured and treated to strengthen it and then, when it is finally ready, they will use it to knock a leather ball around a park.

In Scotland, they just throw the tree!

Nemo · « **Reply #526 on:** October 31, 2016, 08:27:50 pm »

NFMike · « **Reply #527 on:** October 31, 2016, 11:24:57 pm »

This arrived in my e-mail just a day or so ago. I almost fell out of my chair as it almost classes as history - the quality of phishing spam is so good these days. But as we don't have a section for that I thought it might give you a giggle. It is copied/pasted as I received it (but as plain text, so the clickable links are removed).

Hi there,

Some Indormations on your account appears to be missing or incorect , please update your account informations promptly so that you can continue to enjoy all the benefits of your Amzon account

What you do ?

Open your account by clicling to "Login" button, and remember to update your informations after logging in

We will give you 3 days to update your informations or we will suspend your account forevver

Sincerely,
Amazon

LOGIN

Hugs and high fives,

Amazon Support
info@amazon.com

[Notice] : If this email was sent to you in your Junk or Spam folder
please mark it as not spam due to our new security update.

What Amazon

Amazon is a business of e-commerce American based in Seattle. His initial specialty is selling books , but has diversified into other products, including the sale of all types of cultural Preducts : CDs , Download music, DVD, digital camera ,computers and the household .

BrianB6 · « **Reply #528 on:** November 01, 2016, 01:46:27 am »

Almost as good as the book a friend brought back from China that she lent me to read on the 'Valiant Imperial Warriors'
Terracotta Army to you and I.

Nemo · « **Reply #529 on:** November 01, 2016, 03:27:26 pm »

GOOGLE in the 60's?

Nemo · « **Reply #530 on:** November 04, 2016, 10:24:34 pm »

The Ministry of Metric has just announced the latest words for 2016:

* 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
* 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
* 10 cards = 1 decacards
* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
* 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
* 10 rations = 1 decoration
* 10 millipedes = 1 centipede
* 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
* 2 monograms = 1 diagram
* 2 wharves = 1 paradox

Nemo · « **Reply #531 on:** November 05, 2016, 12:59:37 pm »

World War III.
The U.S.A. have succeeded in building a fantastic computer that is able to solve any strategical or tactical problem. The military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine. They describe the situation to the computer and then ask it: "Shall we attack? Shall we retreat?"
The computer computes for an hour and then comes up with the answer.
It replied "Yes!". The generals, rather stupefied, look at each other. Finally one of them asks the computer: "Yes, what?". After another fifteen minutes the computer replies:
"Yes, Sir!"

Kailuhgh · « **Reply #532 on:** November 05, 2016, 07:11:08 pm »

Sorry not quite what we want in here.

Bob

Funny angry people

warspite · « **Reply #533 on:** November 06, 2016, 11:14:16 am »

Although it could be said of any nations military, just saying

Nemo · « **Reply #534 on:** November 08, 2016, 01:26:07 pm »

The new ~~Ensign~~ Midshipman was standing his first night watch on the bridge of a destroyer. Far out on the horizon the ~~USS New Jersey~~ HMS WARSPITE was conducting a night gunnery exercise.

The ~~Ensign~~ Mid, seeing the flashes of light from the battleship, ran excitedly up to the signal bridge and pointed out the "Morse code" coming from the other ship. He asked the Signalman, "What are they saying ? What are they saying ?"

The Signalman smiled understandingly and replied, "Boom. Boom, Sir."

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #535 on:** November 08, 2016, 08:34:58 pm »

Must be Navel speak for Bang Bang

Nemo · « **Reply #536 on:** November 08, 2016, 09:30:58 pm »

Of course Gunner - surely you know that most ships have at least one boom?

Martin (Admin) · « **Reply #537 on:** November 10, 2016, 09:23:14 am »

Trump / Hillary duet - https://youtu.be/R8Wde1fFvPg

warspite · « **Reply #538 on:** November 10, 2016, 08:58:02 pm »

and I get censored for political comment -

imsinking · « **Reply #539 on:** November 10, 2016, 11:39:12 pm »

Martin's been BRAINWASHED by all the BLONDE gags , that's why he's posted that . . . with a little bit of therapy we can rescue him . . . .

Bill

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #540 on:** November 11, 2016, 02:42:52 am »

Ok

give the word and we will bombard him with Blondies that will soon bring him around

Martin (Admin) · « **Reply #541 on:** November 11, 2016, 02:46:35 am »

RAAArtyGunner · « **Reply #542 on:** November 11, 2016, 03:52:57 am »

Oops that was quick.

OK I'll Bunker down for awhile.

Nemo · « **Reply #543 on:** November 11, 2016, 05:30:31 pm »

Netleyned · « **Reply #544 on:** November 11, 2016, 05:42:12 pm »

All left feet

Ned

Nemo · « **Reply #545 on:** November 11, 2016, 06:32:42 pm »

In that case they were worn by blondes then!

warspite · « **Reply #546 on:** November 12, 2016, 03:23:51 pm »

Or pirates - what have I done now !!!!

Netleyned · « **Reply #547 on:** November 12, 2016, 03:58:40 pm »

As the guy with the wooden leg said,

'It's a matter of a pinion'

Ned

Nemo · « **Reply #548 on:** November 12, 2016, 08:04:20 pm »

I have read many times that certain Captains were hooked on their job, despite the fact that they were blind in one eye!

Nemo · « **Reply #549 on:** November 12, 2016, 09:26:16 pm »

'Daddy, where do computers come from?'

'Ahem! Well son, it's like this.......................'

News:

Author Topic: Jokes & Humour - 2016 (Read 256970 times)