Tam was watching his herd in a field near John`o Groats when a new Range Rover glided to halt. A young chap dressed in Saville Row suit, Gucci shoes, Old Etonian tie, removed the RayBans and smiled out the open window. "If I can tell you how exactly how many cows and calves you have will you give me one ? Tam frowns in puzzlement and says "Yes, why not". The gent gets out of the car and whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his mobile phone , searches for a NASA page and connects to a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which then connects to another satellite that scans the area in an ultra-hi-resolution photo. He then opens the photo in Photoshop , exports it to an image processing studio in Germany. In seconds the processed data is stored on his Blackberry. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excell spreadsheet with email on his mobile phone , after a few minutes he receives a response. Using a HP hi-tec miniature laser-jet printer he prints out the information. "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves" Tam agrees, "yes that is the correct number right enough". The young man selects an animal and starts loading it over the tailgate of the Rover. Tam says " `an if I can tell YOU what business you are in can I have that beast back again ?" Smart gent thinks for a second and says "Fair enough". Tam says " You are a Member of Parliament from Westminster". "By jove, you`re correct!" says lowlander. "How did you guess that?" "No guessing" says Tam. "You arrived uninvited, you wanted paid for a question that I already knew the answer, to a question I never asked. You used millions of pounds worth of equipment to try and prove how much smarter you were than me. You don't know a damned thing about how working folk make a living, or about cattle. This is a herd `o sheep...now gimme my dog back and get to..........
