I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend, threatening our lives and me. You also demanded my girlfriend's handbag and earrings.
I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my gun after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.
My girlfriend had just bought me that Colt Model 1911 .45 automatic pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head wasn't it? However, it was not loaded.
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from bare footed since I made you leave your shoes, mobile phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your pals to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother, or "Mummy" as you had her listed in your mobile, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my cars fuel tank as well as four other people's in the petrol station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! By the way, thanks for putting your PIN on the inside of your wallet!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside the railway station along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the kerb ..... after I broke the windscreen and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your mobile. Orange has just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that?
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to Buckingham Palace and our local Chief Constable's office mentioning the Mayor as my possible target. The C.C. seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I imagine while he traced your number etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.
Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Captain Nemo.
Author
Topic: To the guy who tried to mug me two nights ago. (Read 1701 times)