Model Boat Mayhem

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length.
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 6 7   Go Down

Author Topic: Blonde humour  (Read 40849 times)

RAAArtyGunner

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,816
  • Location: Brisbane, Australia
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #25 on: September 04, 2016, 01:52:39 am »

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment
on sending women to different planets. First, They called the brunette in and
 asked her a question.

 "If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want? To go to and
 why?"

 After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars,
 because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra
 terrestrial life on the planet."

 They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to
 her.

 Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her same
 question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings."
 Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.

 Finally, the blonde entered the room and they asked her the same question they
 asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I
 would like to go to the Sun."

 The people from NASA replied, "Why, don't you know that if you went to the sun
 you would burn to death?"

 The blonde smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you Guys dumb? I'd go at
 night!"
Logged
Gunna build those other boats one day.

dougal99

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,326
  • Huntingdon, Cambs, England
  • Location: Huntingdon, England
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #26 on: September 04, 2016, 08:58:36 am »

 :-))
Logged
Don't Assume Check

RAAArtyGunner

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,816
  • Location: Brisbane, Australia
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #27 on: September 04, 2016, 09:16:04 am »


A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
Logged
Gunna build those other boats one day.

Nemo

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,837
  • Location: Sussex.
Blonde humour
« Reply #28 on: September 04, 2016, 02:18:54 pm »

An important NASA mission to the moon has 2 monkeys and a blonde woman on board.
The control centre calls:
"Monkey number 1, Monkey number 1 to the television screen."
He sits down and is told to release the pressure in compartment 1, increase the temperature in engine 4 and to release oxygen to the reactors. So the monkey does the pressure, temperature, and releases the oxygen.
A few moments later the control centre calls again:
"Monkey number 2, monkey number 2 to the television screen."
He sits down and is told to add Carbon Dioxide to room 4, to stop the fuel injection to engine 3, to add nitrogen to the fuel compartment and to analyse the solar radiation. So the monkey does the carbon dioxide, the fuel injection, the nitrogen and the analysis of solar radiation.

A little later on, headquarters calls again: "Blonde woman, blonde woman, please approach the screen." She sits down and just as she is about to be told what to do she says.....

"I know I know!! Don't touch anything - just feed the monkeys!"

Logged

RAAArtyGunner

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,816
  • Location: Brisbane, Australia
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #29 on: September 05, 2016, 12:25:04 pm »


    A blonde was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad hailstorm.
Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

    The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun...
 He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out.

    So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands & knees & started blowing into her tailpipe.
Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, & still nothing happened.

    Her blonde roommate saw her & asked, 'What are you doing?'
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

    The roommate rolled her eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'
Logged
Gunna build those other boats one day.

Netleyned

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 9,051
  • Location: Meridian Line, Mouth of the Humber
    • cleethorpes mba
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #30 on: September 05, 2016, 05:33:44 pm »

 {-) {-) {-) {-)


Ned
Logged
Smooth seas never made skilful sailors
Up Spirits  Stand fast the Holy Ghost.
http://www.cleethorpesmba.co.uk/

Buccaneer

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 354
  • Location: Ringwood Hants
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #31 on: September 05, 2016, 08:13:13 pm »

On a transatlantic flight to New York a Blonde decided she had had enough of tourist class so walked forward and sat down in first class. The cabin crew tried to return her to her proper seat but to no avail so they went to the cockpit and informed the Captain. The Captain turned to the First Officer and told him to go and sort it out. He returned a short while later and told the Captain that come what may the Blonde would not move back to her correct seat. "All right" said the Captain, "I speak blonde, I'll go and sort it out". The Captain had a quiet word with the Blonde, who promptly got up and returned to her proper seat. He returned to the cockpit where the First Officer enquired "How did you do that?" "Easy" said the Captain. "I just told her those seats don't go to New York".
Logged

Capt Podge

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,443
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #32 on: September 05, 2016, 10:11:57 pm »

I've not heard that one before either -  {-) {-) {-) - brilliant.

Regards,

Ray.
Logged

RAAArtyGunner

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,816
  • Location: Brisbane, Australia
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #33 on: September 06, 2016, 03:52:36 am »

    A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

    Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

    The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.'

    The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax & rest.'

    'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it & I have the best chance of doing that here.'

    The boss agrees & allows the blonde to work as usual.

    A couple of hours pass & the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office & sees the blonde crying hysterically...

    'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.

    'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'
Logged
Gunna build those other boats one day.

Nemo

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,837
  • Location: Sussex.
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #34 on: September 06, 2016, 11:17:28 pm »


A blonde gets a job as a teacher. She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him after chasing the other kids away.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says
'It's best I stay here' he says.
''Why?' says the blonde.
The boy says: “Because I’m the goalie”
Logged

Nemo

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,837
  • Location: Sussex.
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #35 on: September 07, 2016, 10:46:27 pm »


A girl was visiting her blonde friend and
noticed she had acquired two new dogs
and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone
naming dogs something like that?"

Whereupon the blonde responded,
"What else you call watch dogs?"
Logged

RAAArtyGunner

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,816
  • Location: Brisbane, Australia
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #36 on: September 08, 2016, 07:48:44 am »

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game.
 The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa."
Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!."
Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail.
After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. 

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"
 Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
Logged
Gunna build those other boats one day.

Nemo

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,837
  • Location: Sussex.
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #37 on: September 08, 2016, 03:02:02 pm »

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment
and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know,
some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
Logged

Nemo

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,837
  • Location: Sussex.
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #38 on: September 09, 2016, 07:32:49 pm »

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the pavement and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde
says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

 %)
Logged

RAAArtyGunner

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,816
  • Location: Brisbane, Australia
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #39 on: September 10, 2016, 01:23:55 am »

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!" %) %)



 A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls.
She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats". {:-{ {:-{
Logged
Gunna build those other boats one day.

RAAArtyGunner

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,816
  • Location: Brisbane, Australia
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #40 on: September 10, 2016, 01:26:39 am »


 Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
 First Blonde:

"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!
Logged
Gunna build those other boats one day.

RAAArtyGunner

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,816
  • Location: Brisbane, Australia
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #41 on: September 10, 2016, 01:28:20 am »


 A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke.
A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat.
The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name!
If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!" <:( <:( <:(
Logged
Gunna build those other boats one day.

Nemo

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,837
  • Location: Sussex.
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #42 on: September 10, 2016, 03:32:24 pm »

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment
unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him
in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her handbag to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, luv, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

Logged

Nemo

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,837
  • Location: Sussex.
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #43 on: September 10, 2016, 06:04:43 pm »

Yet another....................

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

































"Is it mine?"
Logged

RAAArtyGunner

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,816
  • Location: Brisbane, Australia
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #44 on: September 11, 2016, 03:15:30 am »


A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
 The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says, "That's not a TV, it's a microwave!" –
Logged
Gunna build those other boats one day.

Nemo

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,837
  • Location: Sussex.
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #45 on: September 11, 2016, 08:35:55 pm »


A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the capitals of countries.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, and ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Azerbijan?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: A."
Logged

RAAArtyGunner

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,816
  • Location: Brisbane, Australia
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #46 on: September 12, 2016, 01:01:26 am »


Three women are about to be executed for crimes.
One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around.
She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
 She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
 The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
 Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around.
She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde has figured out what the others did.
The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"  O0  O0  O0
Logged
Gunna build those other boats one day.

Nemo

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,837
  • Location: Sussex.
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #47 on: September 12, 2016, 08:42:36 pm »

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house burgled and ransacked.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a dog unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman!!"
Logged

RAAArtyGunner

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,816
  • Location: Brisbane, Australia
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #48 on: September 13, 2016, 12:51:41 pm »


A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert.
 They found a lamp and rubbed it.
 A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.
 The redhead wished to be back home.
Poof! She was back home.
The brunette wished to be at home with her family.
 Poof! She was back home with her family.
The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Logged
Gunna build those other boats one day.

CGAux26

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 655
  • Location: Deep in the heart of TEXAS (Tomball)
Re: Blonde humour
« Reply #49 on: September 13, 2016, 03:42:21 pm »

Many years ago there were a series of books with the general title of "100 Aggie Jokes."  Looks like RAAArtyGunner has a set of these, converted to Blonde jokes.  Keep 'em coming.   :D :}
Logged
Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 6 7   Go Up
 

Page created in 0.14 seconds with 23 queries.