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[tr7v8]

I am sooooooo sorry for this
 A guy walks into a restaurant and wants to eat squid. He calls the waiter
 over, whose name is Yervaise, and says 'I want that squid there', pointing
 at a little green squid with a hairy moustache on its top lip.
 Yervaise says, 'but that's my favourite, I don't want to kill it, it's so
 mild and friendly'. But the customer is insistent, so Yervaise goes over
 to the tank, pulls out the squid and lays it on the worktop. He raises
 a knife and is about to chop it up, but he can't. Yervaise goes back to
 the customer, and says he can't kill it, but the customer still insists that he wants to eat it.
 Yervaise has an idea, and says 'OK, I'll go and get Hans, our dishwasher,
 he's a tough guy, he'll be able to kill it'. He goes and gets Hans, and
 Hans takes the knife and is about to chop the squid up, when it looks up.
 Hans sees its mild little face and its hairy lip and he can't kill it
 either, so they both go and tell the customer that they're really sorry
 and he can't eat it.
 The moral of the story?... ..
 Hans that does dishes is as soft as Yervaise with mild green hairy lip squid.

[john44]

I'm not old enough to remember that tv add, I,m still waiting for the fairy bottle to empty
So I can make a bottle boat with it


John

[Bob K]

Well, I am old enough to remember that ad on TV, but still didn't see the last line coming till it hi me 

[NFMike]

   Good one.

Shows how humour changes/cycles as that type of pun (?) joke was very popular years ago, but you hardly ever hear them now. (The one above doesn't count as it's obviously not as fresh as the squid.)

[Colin Bishop]

The thing about jokes and comedians in those days is that they could be funny without being filthy.

Now, bad language and smut seems to be the rule even with the females.

RIP Dave Allen, he was a really clever comedian and with a social cutting edge to boot.

Colin

[RAAArtyGunner]

The thing about jokes and comedians in those days is that they could be funny without being filthy.

Now, bad language and smut seems to be the rule even with the females.

RIP Dave Allen, he was a really clever comedian and with a social cutting edge to boot.

Colin

Exactly   

[joppyuk1]

Ah, the old programme with Frank Muir (programme name gone adrift) where they had to produce a story like that weekly. The best published in a book caled '  You Can't Have Your Kayak And Heat It'.

[SailorGreg]

I believe the programme you can't quite remember was My Word, when the final round was Frank and Dennis Norden each explaining the origin of a well known phrase or saying via a tortuous, highly improbable and usually hilarious story.

Of course, long before my time, my grandad told me about it. 

[Jerry C]

The proof of the putting is in the heating.
The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the two adjacent hides.
Jerry.

[Nemo]

 

[Nemo]

You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it in a bowl of water. If it sinks: girl ant - If it floats: boy ant!