Distress Signals
International signals which indicate that a boat is in danger. For example, in:
American waters: the sudden appearance of lawyers, the pointing of fingers, and repression of memories;
Italian waters: moaning, weeping, and wild gesticulations;
French waters: fistfights, horn blowing, and screamed accusations;
Spanish waters: boasts, taunts, and random gunfire;
Irish waters: rhymthic grunting, the sound of broken glass, and the detonation of small explosive devices;
Japanese waters: shouted apologies, the exchange of calling cards, and minor self-inflected wounds;
English waters: doffed hats, the burning of toast, and the spilling of tea.
Rudder:
1). A large, heavy, vertically mounted, hydrodynamically contoured steel plate with which, through the action of a tiller or wheel, it is possible, during brief intervals, to point a sailing vessel in a direction which, due to a combination of effects caused by tide, current, the force and direction of the wind, the size and angle of the waves, and the shape of the hull, it does not wish to go.
2). More Discourteous. Bob was rude, but George was even rudder.
3). Name for people having ruddy complexions.
Shower:
Due to restricted space, limited water supplies, and the difficulty of generating hot water, showers on board ship are quite different from those taken ashore. Although there is no substitute for direct experience, a rough idea of a shipboard shower can be obtained by standing naked for two minutes in a closet with a large, wet dog.
