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Author Topic: Jokes & Humour - 2018  (Read 9139 times)

warspite

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #50 on: September 19, 2018, 03:02:52 PM »

It's all right folks - martin has either got some new shirts or had the old ones washed as he has clearly got the funnies due to their - i will say - colourfulness
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jaymac

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #51 on: September 21, 2018, 04:52:19 PM »

Teacher wanted the class to learn that you had to be able to explain why you chose or did not  choose something.
So she started by asking which letter of the alphabet was the most important to them.
Quick as a flash  boy stands up and says G miss, good and why is that Angus.
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #52 on: September 21, 2018, 05:54:57 PM »

 
        {-) {-)
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tigertiger

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #53 on: September 22, 2018, 01:31:29 AM »

It took me a minute to think about that one  ok2
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Baldrick

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #54 on: September 22, 2018, 02:04:51 AM »

Took me a little longer, plus a few:-Internal Server ErrorThe server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.
Please contact the server administrator at webmaster@modelboatmayhem.co.uk to inform them of the time this error occurred, and the actions you performed just before this error.
More information about this error may be available in the server error log.
Additionally, a 500 Internal Server Error error was encountered while trying to use an ErrorDocument to handle the request.
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jaymac

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #55 on: September 29, 2018, 11:07:25 PM »


Senior citizens are constantly being critisised for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not try to blame others.

 

HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT senior citizens who took:

The melody out of music,

 

The pride out of appearance,

 

The courtesy out of driving,

 

The romance out of love,

The commitment out of marriage,

 

The responsibility out of parenthood,

 

The togetherness out of the family,

 

The learning out of education

 

The service out of patriotism,

 

The Golden Rule from rulers,

 

The nativity scene out of cities,

 

The civility out of behaviour,

 

The refinement out of language,

 

The dedication out of employment,

 

The prudence out of spending,

 

The ambition out of achievement or

God out of government and school.

 
And we certainly are NOT the ones who

eliminated   patience   and tolerance from

personal relationships and interactions with

others!!

 

And, we DO understand the meaning of

patriotism, and remember those who have

fought and died for our country. 

 


I'm very good at opening childproof caps.....

With a hammer.

 
I'm awake many hours before
my body allows me to get up.

 
I'm sure everything I can't find is
in a safe secure place, somewhere.

 I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy,
and that's just my left leg.

 I'm beginning to realise that ageing is not for wimps.


Yes, I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN
and I think I am having the time of my life!

Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I wouldn't send it back to them.
Or, maybe I should send it to all my friends anyway.
They won't remember, even if they did send it.

Spread the laughter

Share the cheer

Let's   be happy

While we're here.
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jaymac

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #56 on: October 07, 2018, 10:23:25 PM »


Wiremu, a New Zealander, was on the dole in Australia but about to fly home to watch the Rugby World Cup and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor.

"Hey doc, I dun't feel so good, ey!" said Wiremu.

The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he had long existing and advanced prostate problems and that the only cure was testicular removal.

"No way, doc," replied Wiremu. "I'm gitting a sicond opinion, ey!"

The second Aussie doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also
Advised him that testicular removal was the only cure.
Not surprisingly, Wiremu refused the treatment.

Wiremu was devastated, but with the Rugby World Cup just around the corner he found an expat Kiwi doctor and decided to get one last opinion from someone he could trust.

The Kiwi doctor examined him and said: "Wiremu Cuzzy Bro, you huv Prostate suckness, ey."

"What's the cure thin, doc?" asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer.

"Wull, Wiremu", said the Kiwi doctor, "Wi're gonna huv to cut off your balls."

"Phew, thunk god for thut!" said Wiremu, "those Aussie "xxxxx" wanted to take my test tickets off me!"




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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #57 on: November 02, 2018, 12:10:17 PM »


They told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.

 ..... but so far you've made 3 jugs and a vase?!
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roycv

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #58 on: November 02, 2018, 12:17:24 PM »

I am sure DNA (National Dyslexic Association) would have something to say about that.
Roy
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #59 on: November 02, 2018, 12:49:20 PM »

 
         {-) {-) {-)
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Netleyned

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #60 on: November 02, 2018, 02:22:04 PM »

I am sure DNA (National Dyslexic Association) would have something to say about that.
Roy


Godo Pinto
Ryo
Den
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robbob

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #61 on: November 02, 2018, 05:56:10 PM »


Dyslexics of the world untie!
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tsenecal

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #62 on: November 02, 2018, 09:21:58 PM »

So....


a dyslexic man walks into a bra...
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #63 on: November 05, 2018, 10:58:27 AM »


Driving home last week, this made me chuckle....


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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #64 on: November 08, 2018, 11:24:14 PM »

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tigertiger

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #65 on: November 09, 2018, 01:20:37 AM »

The longest chuckle I have had in a long time.
Thanks Martin :-)) :-)) :-))
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jaymac

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #66 on: November 09, 2018, 05:24:15 AM »

 :o
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plastic

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #67 on: November 09, 2018, 08:31:37 AM »

 :embarrassed: great video.
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LJ Crew

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #68 on: November 09, 2018, 09:44:04 AM »

Yesterday, after my wife and I had helped a friend move some furniture we all went to the cafe in Sainsbury's at H**** H******* for a very late lunch, well it was 4 o'clock. The two girls ordered a "Big Breakfast" and I ordered "Sausage and Mash". "Sorry sir, would you like something else and would the ladies like something in place of the sausages? We have run out of sausages!"
Should this be in "Humour" or can you suggest a more appropriate place for it?
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malcolmfrary

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #69 on: November 09, 2018, 12:49:42 PM »

Yesterday, after my wife and I had helped a friend move some furniture we all went to the cafe in Sainsbury's at H**** H******* for a very late lunch, well it was 4 o'clock. The two girls ordered a "Big Breakfast" and I ordered "Sausage and Mash". "Sorry sir, would you like something else and would the ladies like something in place of the sausages? We have run out of sausages!"
Should this be in "Humour" or can you suggest a more appropriate place for it?
Like the story of the sandwich shop who could not do giraffe buttys because they had run out of bread.
i expect that the cafe is not part of Sainsburys but just renting space there as a franchise, but someone could have been sent on a mission with a bit of petty cash to the main store to buy a pack.
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Baldrick

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #70 on: November 09, 2018, 01:34:39 PM »

You could have walked out into the store and picked up a sausage and mash ready meal and ask them to microwave it for you( Lateral Thinking) 
 I remember that site from when when I worked on building it. Was Dickinson's paper mill . Always dredging the trollies out of the canal
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LJ Crew

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #71 on: November 09, 2018, 09:07:17 PM »

Ah Baldrick, we still dredge trollies out. As for the Paper Mill, the beer is good!
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - OK, I only asked!
« Reply #72 on: November 22, 2018, 09:49:13 PM »

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roycv

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #73 on: December 11, 2018, 09:05:42 AM »


Letter to a well known retail shop.

Dear M & S I have just bought a wireless bra, could you let me know the password please?

regards Roy
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jaymac

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2018
« Reply #74 on: December 11, 2018, 09:52:40 AM »

B00BZ
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