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Author Topic: Dont call me Del Boy  (Read 1184 times)

Andy M

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Dont call me Del Boy
« on: May 05, 2020, 08:19:40 pm »

I am going to tell a series of stories about funny, scary, entertaining and strange things, a small few of them came to me second hand. I hope someone finds at least one of these funny, in these strange times. Also maybe to have something written  down should anything go pear shaped?
 I would now like to say a huge thank you to martin, for showing my creations for many, many years, and everyone elses of course, all amazing, best website ever.
 Martin, I hope you find these funny, block me when you have had enough😁
 There will be pictures of motorcycles, contraptions, lots of models and rc models.  The events below did happen, but if you were ever passed at 85 by a crazy guy in a beige 3 wheeler, it wasnt me, it must have been somebody else. 😁 After my grandad died, my granny gave me this, he had never passed his car test, but had tricycles on his motorbike licence from the war, he was a bofors anti aircraft gunner. I think they just handed you the licence to make sure you could get about if you needed to. Anyway, as I too only had my bike licence, also with 3 wheeler clearance, this was pure bliss! Especially as it was coming into winter, I will get back to winter, its an experience on 3 wheels. Anyway, it was dry, warm after about 6 miles, lol, and no frozen thumbs. I got used to being pointed at and stuff, trotter jokes etc, it was same model but honey beige. Lol. Two tone no less, as my granpa had wedged it between a hedge and a bus shelter thinking he was in reverse. His son had repaired it but the colour wasnt well matched. Nice. Lol. After I drove it for a while, I realised that it wasnt his fault really. The clutch is operated by cable from one of the lightest pedals you will ever get in a car. The outer attaches to the body! And the cable goes to the clutch arm. End result is that in reverse, the torque moves the engine towards the body as you let the clutch out, as you are pulling the cable, smoothing out the biting point if you know what I mean. In forward gears, the engine moves away, dumping the clutch, you quickly get the feel for this, but if you think you are in reverse, you let the clutch out a bit faster automatically. Poor grampa, no one believed him. Anyway, I think I should point out that he never had alloys on it. Lol. Or bucket seats. The fun I had, I had a choice no 4 wheeler did, I could do corners on 3 wheels or 2, lol. Sometimes unexpectedly, when you think, oh no, if I crash now, I am going to be itchy for the rest of my life. I took my boss for a run once, I could hardly drive for laughing, tears in my eyes as he went from, nah, its ok, I wont need a seatbelt, to getting flustered trying to get a pre seatbelt tensioner belt on before we got to the next corner. Ha ha how I laughed, probably why he never gave me a pay rise? Never thought of that at the time, was well worth it. 😁 They are pretty fast for an 850,I left my brothers 850 mini van in a straight line..... Before being left for dead through corners, 3 wheels aint the best. The engine is a wee gem, alloy block and head, tiny alloy gearbox with short stick right at your hand. And a diff that trike builders all over the world use. The engine is hard to work on, doing the tappets required half to be done, awkwardly, via a small access panel in the passenger footwell which is about 3 feet long. Like sitting with your legs in a swing bin with no lid. Carpet lined tho. Anyway, you had to turn engine, by hand through the too small bonnet hatch, then lie inside footwell, adjust tappet, go back in bonnet hatch, turn engine, do tappet there if it was closer than doing it through the passenger hatch, repeat until proper annoyed and knuckles scraped, loch lomond midgies, nearly the size of my wasp, lol, have got to every bit of exposed skin. Clutch thrust bearing replacement was a particularly stressful task, squadron after squadron of them, just as I was trying to undo particularly stubborn bolts on the propshaft coupling which is handily placed directly above the engine mount plate, almost totally obscuring it in fact. Able to get a  tiny bit of movement before flipping the spanner and getting a tiny bit more, only 3 bolts to go, have I got enough knuckles left? I think you were supposed to take the body off for major works like that. Anyway, the m*"'::****'  midgies were relentless and I had to give up halfway through, face all black from trying to get them off with oily hands. Writing this just reminds me exactly why I liked indoor rc projects rather than anything outside when I stayed there, slope soaring was good, wind keeps midgies away, no fuel cost, for a scotsman, thats goooood. Lol. My afore mentioned boss employed a bunch of his sons friends to assist in building a pub, decorate his house etc. Anyway one of them told me that they had all gone to the pub the night before and one guy, chinese, had said the mingies are terrible here. They all fell about😁.
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Andy M

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Re: Dont call me Del Boy
« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2020, 08:23:55 pm »

I know my posts are quite long but I hope you will like the true stories in them. I passed my bike test 11 years before I wanted to get my car test, urged on by my boss, who wanted to send me out in a van by myself, normally I was kind of chauffeured about, by all manner of co-workers, some of which had no clue what to do, having been his gardner, joiner, even local farmers sons, had two of them, and a guy with really thick glasses that drove like he genuinely  couldn't see but went for it anyway. I amazed I am still alive, met a large tipper truck on a  blind corner on a narrow road, along the top of the 2 ft high, 45 degree, bumpy grassy, truck rutted verge with barbed wire passing 2 inches under the tip of my mirror, so I decided to go for my car test, I just realised my boss might have been trying to scare me into passing my car test with the 'boy racers' then went all out with insane Willie.😁 It worked, never had to go in a car with him again. Totally made sure of that. Passed my car test, but only had my 3 wheeler, oh yes, and a Yamaha FZ750, so I had dry and warm (and slow) for wet,icy and snowy days and you know, a bit faster for sunny days😁 or nights, its amazing how much of a crash helmet thunk you get from a bat at, you know, the upper end of the dial.   My brother hit an owl at the start of treble figures with a pillion, killed it outright, I sent him back to get it, so I  could study it. I put it in my workshop, in a carrier bag, then next day a pal turned up and asked if I wanted to come down to his mum and dads caravan for a week, take my bike, at that time a suzuki gt 250 with cut down exhaust muffler inserts, modified timing, up jetting, raised and widened ports and transfers,opened up and knife edged reed blocks, glass fibre reeds, (about 30% increase in area) alloy bellmouth carb extensions with 2 section of the girlfriends tights held over the ends with strong rubber bands cos we were going to the seaside, I never knew it coughed back fire on the over run lol. Melted me tights, miles before getting near the seaside, having no more tights on hand, it must have ingested at least some sand over the week, me poor  barrels, rings etc. Anyway, the owl...... When I got back home, Remember the owl....... I didnt, and walked into my workshop, shut the door and then took my helmet off, oh man the owl and the poly bag, summer, a week, back out side rapidly, retching, back in for the owl then another 2 trips in to  get all the windows open, my workshop was a 13 ft caravan. Moral of this story is never keep roadkill. Lol. Just in case you forget about it. The father of my girlfriend at that time had asked me to go with him, I couldnt have refused, to help him get a deer that had been hit( august) I said 'Jack, thats been there 3 days(sunny) its probably rotten(it was) but he wouldn't have any of it, off we went, me gagging ready knowing its gonna be real bad. Back home, he hasnt the strength to manage skinning it, so I had to do it, my dad was a game keeper, oh I am going to barf, I exposed enough of its ribs for Jack to see and smell it was long gone, no matter how marginal he would go. Man that was close, I was nearly having to eat some of that later.... Close. Rivalling that was one of his wifes 20 feral cats, hit by a car and as a final effort had dragged itself in between the inlet and exhaust on his old bmw. It had frozen overnight, He  went 40 miles to the shops and back, it refroze again, cooked this time, then its off to the post office shop 4 miles away for some rolls. After he gets back, as I am washing my bike, whoof what is that smell, thinking dead cat in the hedge, I hunted the hedge, sniffing cautiously, no, cat, nearer the car, gagging now, its in the car, I tell him he opens bonnet, I gag, then get volunteered to get it out, poly bag on arm, gagging, just trying to spot it, its fur is kind of singed to exhaust manifold colour, retching now as I go in a couple more times to try and wriggle it free, but its stuck to the exhaust manifold, but torn open now, run, ditch poly bag and do my gagging where I cant smell it anymore, got to get it this time, I made jack hold another poly bag open ready for the cat remains and my arm bag. I went for a run on my bike, visor open, just to get rid of any remaining particles. Well that was what I told my girlfriend😁
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Andy M

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Re: Dont call me Del Boy
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2020, 03:28:47 pm »

My brother phones me, can you take me, my girlfriend and her pal into town   to hear a band, bring your girlfriend too, (she was a 'larger' girl). Thats 5 and a bit people in my beige del boy special, only the 2 bucket seats and 10 inch mini alloys. It was runnin low, and slow but we got there, parked up, a few cars down from the door on other side of the road, I had some alcohol free radiator water type lager, they all got fall about drunk, gig ended, punters started pouring out, then one guy started pointing at it and   shouting there's del boys van, laughing and more pointing as more people spotted it, we made a run for it, 2 high heeled girls and my brother clambering in the back door and my girlfriend still to get here, I get the key in before they surround the car. Noooo... Just a click, no. My brother asks whats wrong, flat battery..... old dynamo, slow speed, nightime, indicating, braking lot earlier than usual had flattened the battery, so all the rear passengers jumping back out to give me a shove and bump start it, with my brother shouting, honest, its got a v8 engine haha as he falls in the back. 😁 Out of town with the dimmest of sidelights in case it conked out halfway back to the wilds. Lol. Managed it on its wee 850 engine, felt proper planted tho, if a tad barge like in the steering department, not really heavy, but seemed to take a while to alter course, quickly adjusting to that, the passengers loved it as I tested my new, lowered, low centre of enormous gravity, with flattened out contact patch tyres mod. Lol. Just seemed faster cos they were drunk. Ha ha. Got to a 'wee' bit over 59mph but it was grounding the front chassis corners and buffing the inside of the fibreglass arches with the tyres over even slight rises. Slowed down a bit after that. Nothing dangerous, but exciting after a beer free night for me😁 Never asked again tho, could never work out why 😁
 
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tigertiger

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Re: Dont call me Del Boy
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2020, 09:51:57 am »

I found these projects for Reliant Robin owners.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4ZU7yUJx2c  {-) {-) {-) Fail


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBvhrVJO-vo  :-)) :-)) :-)) Result
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The only stupid question is the one I didn't ask

Andy M

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Re: Dont call me Del Boy
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2020, 12:13:27 pm »

Brilliant. Lol
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Andy M

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Re: Dont call me Del Boy
« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2020, 12:15:08 pm »

Birthday present
 Years ago, after not seeing my mum for a good while, kids were taking up a good amount of time,we didnt get out much, I met her in the co op, in may, a few days before my brother's birthday, she never asked about the kids, the very first thing she said was, 'its your brother johnnys birthday on Saturday, what are you getting him?? '
 I replied, bearing in mind I had been up at 6 changing a nappy, not mine, I must add, ' the exact same thing as he got me for my birthday in January ' she looked kind of puzzled but eager to find out what it was, and she asked, 'what was that?
 I said
 ' F@#* all' 😁
 oops
 ...... did I really just say that?
 she left the shop disgruntled and tutting, never saw her for a good while after that, couldnt help it, sorry mum. 😁
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Grumpy Dave

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Re: Dont call me Del Boy
« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2021, 09:35:56 pm »

A mate of mine had a Bond 875 van. Hillman Imp engine in the back! Quite quick in a straight line, but not quick enough, so he did what the Imp boys did. Tuned it bored out to 1100cc fast cam worked head and a twin-choke webber he reconed 100+bhp in about 600lbs of car!  I only rode in it once, we blew off an E type up to 70mph, left him for dead . Then came a corner and we had to loose abut 50mph and at 20 mph rolled it accross a field landing on its wheels. Roofless and battered we drove it home and hid it. He sold the remains to an Imp fanatic who recond it was good for over a ton! But did not accelarate like the Bond, did go round corners though! Happy days. Darwin must have missed us somhow!
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KitS

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Re: Dont call me Del Boy
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2021, 11:36:03 pm »

Hah!  :-)


The Bond 875, what a machine that was!  :-))


When I worked for Pressed Steel in Oxford in the 60s we had the only seat belt anchorage test rig in the UK (I built much of it.....) and we did everybody's anchorage testing, and that included the 875. We didn't think that a fibreglass bodied car would pass all that well, but it sailed through the tests.  :-))


At the time I had an Imp, a 'standard' Super Imp that I'd tuned somewhat, and it put out maybe 85-90 bhp, but the Bond would out-accelerate my Imp, such was the weight saving of the fibreglass shell.


I drove it home and back once, and it certainly needed 'attention' on the bends, but it was dynamite going out of roundabouts.


An amazing vehicle.
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Regards
Kit
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