Model Boat Mayhem

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length.
Pages: 1 ... 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 [18] 19 20   Go Down

Author Topic: Jokes & Humour - 2020  (Read 74315 times)

SteamboatPhil

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,291
  • Location: Dieppe, France
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #425 on: November 17, 2020, 10:34:29 am »

I bow to your joke

Logged
Steamed up all the time

dpbarry

  • If it ain't broke, break it and curse fixing it!
  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 449
  • Location: Newcastle, Co Down
    • Newcastle Lifeboat Station
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #426 on: November 18, 2020, 10:51:30 pm »

My young nephew was discussing the finer details of Christmas and how COVID was going to affect things and said to granny that as it stands, we are limited to 6 in the household but if we ( the Royal we) were to kill the turkey we could ‘hold a funeral around the dining table’ and ‘invite’ up to 25.


As granny says about her grandson, ‘your uncle will never be dead whilst that boyo is alive’



Don’t know whether to laugh or cry!  <*< <:( {-)
Logged

Tug Fanatic

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,170
  • Location: England
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #427 on: November 19, 2020, 10:02:41 am »

New Vaccine should be tested on the politicians first. If they survive then  we'll be safe  if not then the country will

I see it completely differently. No politician, VIP, royalty or celebrity would get the vaccine until after everybody else.
Logged

warspite

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,513
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #428 on: November 19, 2020, 11:15:48 am »

As most are old duffers anyway, they resided in a care home and looked after by care staff, (house of commons / lords and their staff, Buckingham palace or other similar residence and their staff), and over the age for qualifying for the jab, its inevitable they will get it first anyway.  %) 
Logged
Operational - 1/72 LCMIII, 1/180 Sovereign, HMS Victory to be sailed
Non Operational - 1/72 Corvette, 1/72 E-Boat, 1/72 vosper mtb
incomplete, tug, cardboard castle class convert

Tug Fanatic

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,170
  • Location: England
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #429 on: November 19, 2020, 11:26:04 am »

As most are old duffers anyway, they resided in a care home and looked after by care staff, (house of commons / lords and their staff, Buckingham palace or other similar residence and their staff), and over the age for qualifying for the jab, its inevitable they will get it first anyway.  %)

Yes all on the privilege gravy train.
Logged

Dave

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 174
  • Location: South East Kent
    • Quizland
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #430 on: November 19, 2020, 02:30:32 pm »

Logged
Thanks and regards

Dave

If you want play quizzes click below

Martin [Admin]

  • Administrator
  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 21,084
  • Location: Peterborough, UK
    • Model Boat Mayhem
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #431 on: December 07, 2020, 12:21:40 am »

 
Logged
"This is my firm opinion, but what do I know?!"    -   Mayhem FaceBook Group!

Dave

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 174
  • Location: South East Kent
    • Quizland
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #432 on: December 07, 2020, 01:16:18 pm »

Logged
Thanks and regards

Dave

If you want play quizzes click below

Martin [Admin]

  • Administrator
  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 21,084
  • Location: Peterborough, UK
    • Model Boat Mayhem
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #433 on: December 07, 2020, 10:01:53 pm »


   {-) {-) {-) .......  <:(
Logged
"This is my firm opinion, but what do I know?!"    -   Mayhem FaceBook Group!

Dave

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 174
  • Location: South East Kent
    • Quizland
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #434 on: December 09, 2020, 10:18:41 am »

Logged
Thanks and regards

Dave

If you want play quizzes click below

radiojoe

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,214
  • Location: Gosport , Hampshire , England
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #435 on: December 09, 2020, 10:27:15 am »

 {-)  Ain't it the truth though,  %%
Logged

Martin [Admin]

  • Administrator
  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 21,084
  • Location: Peterborough, UK
    • Model Boat Mayhem
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #436 on: December 09, 2020, 10:31:34 am »


I saw a lorry like this the other day and thought;

'If one day I'm that rich.... I would send my lawn away to be mowed too.'

 
 



Logged
"This is my firm opinion, but what do I know?!"    -   Mayhem FaceBook Group!

davidm1945

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 354
  • Location: Worcestershire UK
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #437 on: December 09, 2020, 03:22:53 pm »

Thanks Martin, its great to see someone is keeping the old jokes alive! :-))
Logged
Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do. Robert A Heinlein.

Big Ada

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,102
  • Location: Kent UK
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #438 on: December 09, 2020, 03:49:28 pm »

My old Manager went to a Turf supplier and told the owner, I want 100 dark green and 100 light green turfs so my Lawn looks like the one at Wembley.

Len.
Logged

jaymac

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,736
  • Location: Somerset
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #439 on: December 10, 2020, 04:36:22 pm »

Blankets.jpg
Logged

SteamboatPhil

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,291
  • Location: Dieppe, France
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #440 on: December 10, 2020, 06:03:19 pm »

 {-) {-) {-)
Logged
Steamed up all the time

Martin [Admin]

  • Administrator
  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 21,084
  • Location: Peterborough, UK
    • Model Boat Mayhem
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #441 on: December 11, 2020, 02:28:52 am »


 

I got my grandma a new walking frame made by NASA and she's starting to get the hang of it ....
 

So It's one small step for nan... 😊

 
 
 
 
 
Logged
"This is my firm opinion, but what do I know?!"    -   Mayhem FaceBook Group!

Martin [Admin]

  • Administrator
  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 21,084
  • Location: Peterborough, UK
    • Model Boat Mayhem
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #442 on: December 11, 2020, 09:09:18 am »

 

Logged
"This is my firm opinion, but what do I know?!"    -   Mayhem FaceBook Group!

Tug Fanatic

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,170
  • Location: England
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #443 on: December 11, 2020, 10:12:54 am »

 After a tiring day she settled down in her seat on the train and closed her eyes.

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice.

"Hello darling. It's John. I'm on the train".

"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting".

"No, love, not with the blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss".

"No darling, you're the only one in my life". "Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart"

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly and increasingly annoying everyone around him.

When the young woman sitting next to him had more than enough, she leaned over and said into the phone, "John, hang up the phone and come back to bed."

John doesn't use his cell phone in public any more.


 
Let that be a warning to everyone!
Logged

Martin [Admin]

  • Administrator
  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 21,084
  • Location: Peterborough, UK
    • Model Boat Mayhem
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #444 on: December 12, 2020, 08:35:17 am »

 
 
Logged
"This is my firm opinion, but what do I know?!"    -   Mayhem FaceBook Group!

Colin Bishop

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Online Online
  • Posts: 11,257
  • Location: SW Surrey, UK
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #445 on: December 12, 2020, 01:31:11 pm »

The Generation Gap.

Genuine exchange heard in my pharmacy this morning.

Just the two of us waiting when it opened, the other was a sprightly elderly lady (older but sprightlier than me)

She was handed her prescription by a young female assistant.

FA: 'Do you have a mobile so we can text?'

EL: 'Eh?'

FA 'A mobile.'

EL: 'Sorry I can't hear you'

FA: 'Do you have a telephone?'

EL: 'Oh yes' (reels off a landline number)

FA: 'No, a mobile'

EL: A mobile what?'

FA 'Never mind!'
Logged

Baldrick

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,126
  • Model Boat Mayhem is Great!
  • Location: Nether Effingham (Perfideous Albion)
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #446 on: December 12, 2020, 02:18:07 pm »

The Generation Gap.

Genuine exchange heard in my pharmacy this morning.

Just the two of us waiting when it opened, the other was a sprightly elderly lady (older but sprightlier than me)

She was handed her prescription by a young female assistant.

FA: 'Do you have a mobile so we can text?'

EL: 'Eh?'

FA 'A mobile.'

EL: 'Sorry I can't hear you'

FA: 'Do you have a telephone?'

EL: 'Oh yes' (reels off a landline number)

FA: 'No, a mobile'

EL: A mobile what?'

FA 'Never mind!'


Us old ones must be a nightmare for the connected generation ( hopefully )
Logged
The early bird catches the worm.
But it is the second mouse that gets the cheese.

jaymac

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,736
  • Location: Somerset
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #447 on: December 12, 2020, 03:40:27 pm »

CELL.jpg
Logged

SteamboatPhil

  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,291
  • Location: Dieppe, France
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #448 on: December 12, 2020, 07:09:04 pm »

In the market this morning I complained to my wife about the old people dithering between stalls, she pointed out we are old people as well.......
I hate reality......... :((
Logged
Steamed up all the time

Martin [Admin]

  • Administrator
  • Full Mayhemer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 21,084
  • Location: Peterborough, UK
    • Model Boat Mayhem
Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #449 on: December 12, 2020, 09:15:49 pm »

 
    {-)
Logged
"This is my firm opinion, but what do I know?!"    -   Mayhem FaceBook Group!
Pages: 1 ... 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 [18] 19 20   Go Up