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Author Topic: clean pirate joke !  (Read 11126 times)

flybobby

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #25 on: September 27, 2006, 10:46:24 AM »

Q: Qhat is the diffrence between a catholic priest and acne?
A: Acne waits until your 13 to come on your face.







Definately get my coat now
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ambernblu

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #26 on: September 27, 2006, 10:58:20 AM »


Tommy Cooperisms........... (Well over the top if you ask me!)

1. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."

2. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

3. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

4. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

5. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in..

6. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
    "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
    The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

7. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

9. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. The Police think he topped himself.

10. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
      Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

11. "Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
      "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
      "Is it common? "
      "It's not unusual."

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "I think my dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"   
      "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
     "What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
     "No, because he's really heavy"

13. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside."
      "How's that?"
      "Don't you start."

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I reckon it's Colin!

16. Two fat blokes sat in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."
The other one says "So are you, you fat b*****d!"

17. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

18. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."

19. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places"
The doctor said, "Well don't go there any more"

20. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

 :'(  :'(  :'(
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cbr900

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #27 on: September 27, 2006, 11:05:25 AM »

FLYBOBBY,


Don't you just love that stingray, I told them the training would work..



Roy
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RickF

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #28 on: September 27, 2006, 11:46:17 AM »

An old Norfolk boy went up to London for the first time in his life. Sitting in a pub an attractive young lady struck up a conversation with him. One thing led to another and eventually she asked if he'd like to come back to her flat. "Mind you," she added. "It's business."

"What d'ya mean?" he asked.

"Well," she replied. "You pay for what you get."

"What, food and drink?"

"No, sex. You pay me for sex"

"Thass a rum'un" said the old Norfolk boy, who was not very worldly-wise. "Wass that gonner cost?"

"That depends on what we do. Anything from twenty to a hundred pounds."

"A hundred pound!" he exclaimed. "Well I'll be blowed!"

"Oh," she replied. "That'll only cost you fifty."
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cbr900

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #29 on: September 27, 2006, 11:58:13 AM »

There is a guy out playing golf and he hits his ball into the trees, while looking for the ball he finds a genie, the genie who is waking up from being hit in the head by the golf ball, says under the circumstances he does not have to offer three wishes, but after a few minutes chatting the genie says I like you and will give you three wishes that I think you will like, ! you will always play great golf on average 1-2 under par, 2 When you are short of money every time you put your hand in your pocket there will be a wad of notes, 3 Your sex life will be spectacular. The priest says no I don't want anything, but the genie says there yoursand was gone in a puff of smoke. Well twelve months later they meet again and the genie says how is your golf game going the guy says great always beating par for the course, and how are your funds going, great every time I need money I just put my hand in my pocket. well what about your sex life, I get it at least once a week, and the Jemie says what you should be doing a lot better than that, and the guy says I dunno once a week is not bad for a priest....



Roy
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flybobby

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #30 on: September 27, 2006, 11:58:22 AM »

FLYBOBBY,


Don't you just love that stingray, I told them the training would work..



Roy
ooo :o And I thought I was sailing close to the wind! ;D ;D
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cbr900

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #31 on: September 27, 2006, 12:04:06 PM »

FLYBOBBY


No mate a lot of people seemed to like him,  I thought he was on tv at least a Twit...


Roy
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DickyD

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #32 on: September 27, 2006, 12:04:36 PM »



In 1993 the US gov't funded a study to see why the head of a man's p***s was larger than the shaft.
After one year and 180,000 they concluded that the reason the head was larger was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

Following the US study France decided to do their own study.
After 250,000 and 3 years of research they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

Australia, unsatisfied with either finding, conducted their own study.
After 2 weeks and a cost of about 75.50 they concluded that it was to keep a mans hand from flying off and hitting him on the forehead.
   
                                                                                  ;D ::) :o
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cbr900

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #33 on: September 27, 2006, 12:06:43 PM »

DICKYD,


Now come on mate don't give away all our secrets.....



Roy
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DickyD

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #34 on: September 27, 2006, 12:14:06 PM »

Got me timing wrong cobber thought you blokes in the antipodes would be tucked up in bed by now. :-[ :-[

                                                                                                                            Richard
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DickyD

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #35 on: September 27, 2006, 12:21:22 PM »

Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery roomwith their new born baby son.

The doctor walks in and Michael asks, " how long before we can have sex ?"

The doctor replies, " I'd wait until he's at least 14."


                                                             :o :o
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cbr900

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #36 on: September 27, 2006, 01:40:32 PM »

DICKYD,

It's now ten thirty Wednesday Evening, it's early yet...



Roy
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ambernblu

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #37 on: September 27, 2006, 01:45:30 PM »

Australia, unsatisfied with either finding, conducted their own study.
After 2 weeks and a cost of about 75.50 they concluded that it was to keep a mans hand from flying off and hitting him on the forehead.
   
                                                                                  ;D ::) :o

Richard,

Sorry mate, that CAN'T be right - way I heard it, you can tell an Aussie cricketer 'cos he HAS a bruise on his forehead!  ;D
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cbr900

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #38 on: September 27, 2006, 01:48:05 PM »

BRIAN<


Yes your right mate from banging his head on the bedhead while on tour in England... ;D ;D ;D



Roy
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ambernblu

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #39 on: September 27, 2006, 01:49:01 PM »


could be.....!  ;)
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ambernblu

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #40 on: September 27, 2006, 01:52:04 PM »


'er.... Admiral of the Fleet, Sir!  ;)
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laserblue16

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #41 on: September 27, 2006, 01:52:31 PM »

Stingrays are innocent!!


[Too Large - attachment deleted by admin]
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cbr900

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #42 on: September 27, 2006, 01:55:39 PM »

AMBER,


SHHHHH, I can't help it just enjoying my self on here...
 :o :o

Roy
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ambernblu

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #43 on: September 27, 2006, 02:01:01 PM »


Exactly right mate...!  :)
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flybobby

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #44 on: September 27, 2006, 05:46:32 PM »

Stingrays are innocent!!

that pic had me rolling around on the floor ;D ;D
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cbr900

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #45 on: September 28, 2006, 10:50:04 AM »

Not as much a the pic of the stingray barb in the chest.......


Roy
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ambernblu

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #46 on: September 28, 2006, 10:55:33 AM »


Mmmmmm Roy... bit of a barbed comment that!  ;D  :o
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DickyD

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #47 on: September 28, 2006, 11:26:19 AM »

Australia, unsatisfied with either finding, conducted their own study.
After 2 weeks and a cost of about 75.50 they concluded that it was to keep a mans hand from flying off and hitting him on the forehead.
   
                                                                                  ;D ::) :o

Richard,

Sorry mate, that CAN'T be right - way I heard it, you can tell an Aussie cricketer 'cos he HAS a bruise on his forehead!  ;D

The way we hear it over here is, you can always tell an Aussie but not much !!   ::) ::)
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laserblue16

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #48 on: September 28, 2006, 11:28:09 AM »

URGENT PRODUCT RECALL
Steve Irwins suntan lotion has been taken off the shelves. It says"Protects from harmful rays". Found to be untrue.


At Steve Irwins funeral, they are going to get Jimmy Nail to sing Crocodile Shoes. They were going to get Sting, but thought it a bit insensitive.
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cbr900

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Re: clean pirate joke !
« Reply #49 on: September 28, 2006, 01:52:20 PM »

All this Steve Irwin stuff just goes to show, all the jokes on here and the countless ones floating around over here, yet Peter Brock Died only a few days later and so far not one joke...
Just goes to show who was really liked...



Roy
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