Mess Deck: General Section > Humour

Woman of substance - one for the ladies

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sinjon:
 Received this from a friend in Cambridge.

 Lady Archer's sense of humour is alive and well. The fragrant chemist has just submitted a
 ''hazardous materials data sheet'' to the Chemistry at Cambridge newsletter.

'' ELEMENT:                    Woman.
 
  SYMBOL:                       Wo.
 
  DISCOVERER:                Adam.
 
  ATOMIC MASS:              Accepted as 55kg but known to vary from 45kg to 225kg.
 
  OCCURRENCE:                Found in large quantities in urban areas,
                                     with trace elements in outlying regions.
 
  PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:  Boils at absolutely nothing, freezes for no apparent reason.
                                     Melts if given special treatment, bitter if used incorrectly.
 
  CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:  Affinity to gold, silver, platinum and all precious stones.
                                     The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
 
  COMMON USE:               Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
                                     Can be a very effective cleaning agent.
 
  HAZARDS:                     Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
                                     Illegal to possess more than one,
                                     although several can be maintained at different locations as long
                                     as specimenss do not come into direct contact with each other.''
   




 

White Ensign:
... you have forgotten:

- turns green while in party of better specimen
- turns red when stripped down in party
- must be held in complete observation
- expensive to explore and expensive to split up
- living sample of the Chaos-theorie
- explosive without known reasons
- possessing more than one might be illegal, but could be double-fun as well as double-stress

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