I miss some of the wonderfully daft things my Mum used to say to me when I was a kiddie:
"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" (Mum - Too late! I've already found it)
"I'll have you laughing on the other side of your face" (Whaaaaaaaaat??)
"And what time do you call this?" (Hadn't though about that, Mum - let's call it "Fred", OK?)
"What do you THINK you're doing, young man?" (Well, Mum - I THOUGHT I was eating a worm but if I'm wrong, hey - I'll throw my hands up to it).
" I suppose you've done that JUST to stay away from school!" (No, Mum - I'm an A&E junkie with a stomach-pump fetish)
Miss her. She wanted to appear so straight and sensible but she was a sucker for a f^rt gag!
FLJ