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[das boot]

A tv repairman is working in a lady's house, she has a huge dog as a pet, plus a parrot. She assures him that the dog is perfectly safe and won't harm him at all, but asks him not to talk to the parrot.
As she says, the dog just lays there watching him as he works, the parrot however continually swears and curses at the repairman, and after an hour of this, he's had enough and shouts at it 'For Gawd's sake, shut up, you bl**dy ugly bundle of feathers!'

The parrot looks at him coldly and shouts 'get him, Spike!'

See....men just don't listen!!

[wombat]

Thief breaks into a house....

as he is unplugging the telly and DVD he hears voice

"Lord is watching you..."

creeped out a bit, he carries on

"Lord is watching you..."

Turning the light on he sees a parrot, and asks it what it is called

"Moses" it replies

"What sort of a moron calls their parrot 'Moses'?"

"The same sort of moron that calls their rottweiler Lord"

[RickF]

The milkman is collecting his money and knocks at the door. The house is empty, except for a parrot.

"Who is it?" squawks the parrot.

"It's the milkman."

"Who is it?"

"It's the milkman."

"Who is it?"

"It's the milkman!!!! I've come for me money"

"Who is it?"

"It's the f***** milkman!!!!!", who by now is really getting worked up, red in the face and steaming.

"Who is it?"

"It's the  ah......" and the milkman expires on the step, dead from a heart attack.

Soon after, the lady of the house returns to find a body on the doorstep. " My goodness," she cries, "Who is it?"

"It's the milkman." squawks the parrot.