The Inland Revenue has doubts about Grandpa’s tax return, and summons him to the Tax Office. The taxman is not at all surprised when Grandpa shows up with his solicitor.
The taxman says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable.'
'I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'
The taxman thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you £50 that I can bite my own eye.'
The taxman thinks a moment and says, 'OK, it's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The taxman's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you £100 that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the taxman can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned taxman now realizes he has wagered and lost £150, with Grandpa's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you £300 that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.' The taxman, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the taxman’s desk.
The taxman leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a big win.
But Grandpa's solicitor groans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the taxman asks.
'Not really,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me £5000 that he could come in here and p**s all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'
