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[MikeA]

I like listening to peoples stories and seeing as theres a few ex (and current) sailors and fisherman here id would expect you got something to say. Whos got a good yarn then?

[Netleyned]

It was a dark and stormy night and the Captain said to the Mate Mr Mate tell us a tale or two
The Mate told a tale and it went like this-
It was a dark and stormy night..............ad infinitum         

Ned

[unbuiltnautilus]

Always helpful...
Try this..
A customer came in to us with a Tamiya RC car many, many, many years ago. It was a dark and stormy day.
He said to us  "Arr, I purchased this ere car from your fine selves, and it baint be workin, them thar wheels are not turnin as intended"
We checked over the afor mentioned vehicle as the lightning crackled and the winds howled, and truly nothing was rotating as intended.
Upon opening up the vehicle we found glue, everywhere!
"Your car, it be full of glue in all the bits wot should be moving, surely these bits should be greased?"
"well," said the gentleman in the oilskins, "The instructions showed a little glue tube graphic wot indicated where to stick."
"Those, sir.." replied I " are supposed to be greasing points, not gluing points."
"Oh." replied the mystery figure, he then picked up his recently glued together purchase and disappeared into into the mist...

Mostly true bar the obvious embellishments

[treeboa]

as an angler, theres a place on angelsey called penmon, theres an old priory there, many many years ago me and a couple the lads decide to spend the night fishing the beach below it, its summer and one the lads gf`s and mine decide they want to come with us, needless to say we tried to dissuade them but to no avail, so on the trip there johns telling them tales about headless monks and ghost nuns, move forward now, the girls decide to stay in one of the cars and kip that night, its about three in the morn, black as a witches cauldron, we need more bait, john says its in my boot, so off he goes to get it, cars are parked about 200 yards from were we were fishing, so move now to johns explanation, got to car, opened boot,theres a mumbled bit frightened ` whos that`from the car, so the girls would see who it was and not be frightened i put me torch under me face


we heard the screams from 200 yards away as if they were next to us 

[MikeA]

lol

[MikeA]

i suppose id better ad something to this post seein as i started it. now it wont compare to some of the storie some of you may have but its fitting. Anyway when i was kid me and my family went on a boating holiday to the norfalk broads where we he hired a river cruiser for a week. I cant tell you what type of boat it was but it was kind of like a narrow boat but with bigger windows and a steering wheel at the front, roughly 35-40ft long with beds in it and a toilet/showeroom and kitchen etc. Anyway i remeber us traveling up the river and coming up to a small arch bridge too small for out boat to get threw and so we had to turn around in a slow but flowing current. My dad was driving and he attempted a u turn with the current pushing hard against the side of the boat towards the  bridge, he was about to reverse to j turn the boat back up the river but some stupid ****** decided to take a chance and cut in behind him in a little day boat. My dad throttled forward and just missed the guy bein crushed against against the bridge but the current got hold of the boat and slammed us into the side with the little boat getting out the way in the nick of time. needless to say there was massive bang and a crushing sound of fibreglass. The bridge was barely touched but our boat had 2 ft X 6"  gaping hole JUST above the waterline. he managed to bring it back up the river and dock the boat. i remeber the frantic panic as we though we was going to sink, it was either that or the fact it wasnt our boat. we never did sink but the rest of the holiday required the cabins mopping out every morning the stern being 7" below the normal water line. The engine had to be kept nearly running continuously to keep the bilge pump working adding to the fact we allready had overheating problems. Suprisingly though on returning the boat to the owner he was more bothered about the overheating issue than the fact his pride and joy was taking on water. i think he even offered us our money back. we refused though 

That holiday was quite fun actually 

[craftysod]

A couple of years ago,during a hot summer,me and my wife stayed in a very posh ex mansion house hotel.
We strolled to the lobby and asked the receptionist if it was haunted.
Yes she replied down the hallway there,so for some fun we went down the pitch black hallway,suddenly the lights flashed on,we wernt told
that they had motion sensors to detect people and turn on the lights,regardless to say i nearly filled my pants with fright.
Then when we got back to our room,she closed the windows,i asked her why as it was so hot,she said to keep the ghosts out,
i nearly filled my pants again with laughter this time.
Mark

[tubby]

That reminds me of the time some 50yrs ago, my father hired a day boat on the broads and he let me have a go at the steering wheel,
We were doing well until one of these big trip boats came out from a side water, did not slow at all so we slowed down until it had passed in front of us, we continued and would just pass as the stern went by, as it went passed someone in a very large hire boat was turning into the side water behind the trip boat so we were unable to see it, we were unable to stop and so punched a big hole in the front of the bow even though we were in full reverse, probably that is why I've stuck to models from then on,
Barry

[malcolmfrary]

Highly recommended reading - "The Art of Coarse Sailing" by Michael Green.  Still available on Amazon.  All the Broads sailing disasters needed for a good movie or a TV series, but it will probably never be made.
A mate of mine from way back had a few holidays afloat.  He reckoned that you needed a large towel.  This was to hang over the name on the stern to prevent easy identification as you departed the scene.  The other quote was "Do you know, if you snag a yachts rigging with a rail, the yacht will fall over in preference to going backwards?"