Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus
when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second
engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my
own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it
to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want".
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice:
The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway".
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for
a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's
with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept
golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a
word with him." He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that
group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper
replied,"Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight
saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play
for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said,
"That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer
said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers ?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate
with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with
an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an
arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must
have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer .
Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe
that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with
you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled
at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me
and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do
anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and
put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one
week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer
said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking
frog - now that's cool."
Richard
