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[jaymac]

   A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair.  She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.   

   'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior ...   'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'   'It was,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.'   'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior agreed. 'So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?'   'Far from it,' snorted the Sister. 'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!'   'Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished.   'You must tell me all about it!'   'Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother Superior - 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dog leg left and   a hidden green....and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted... and it hits a bird in mid-flight !'   'Oh my!' commiserated the Mother. 'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!'   'No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister. 'While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!'   'Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother.   'But I didn't, Mother!' sobbed the Sister. 'And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!'   'So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile. 'Nope, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!'   Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...
 'You missed the *******' putt, didn't you?

[Sparky]

 
Nice one !!
 
 
Sparky.

[davidm1945]

Brilliant!


Dave (18 handicap) 

[CGAux26]

'nuther version of this story:


God and Lord go to play golf.  Lord tees it up and hits one 250 yards down the fairway.  God tees his up and hits it into the rough 100 yards out.  A squirrel picks up his ball and runs out on the fairway.  An eagle flies down and grabs the squirrel and ball.  As the eagle is flying along the squirrel drops the ball which rolls into the hole for a hole in one.


Lord says to God, "Dad are you going to play golf or are going to screw around all day?"

[dougal99]

Richard was getting ready for his Sunday early morning game of golf when his wife came in. “Don’t forget the Harrisons are coming for lunch, so be home by 1230. No having a quick one in the club bar. Do you here?”


With these words ringing in his ears Richard went off to play his game of golf.


It was nearly midnight when he got back. His wife was waiting “Where the heck have you been? I was most embarrassed. the Harrisons didn’t say much but I could tell what they were thinking.”


Richard held up his hand to stop her. “Before you go on I think you should know that Fred Jenkins had a heart attack and died on the third tee.”


“Oh that’s terrible. Wait a minute, if that was on the third tee why are you so late?”


“Well it was hit the ball, drag Fred, hit the ball, drag Fred...”

[CGAux26]

Is now not PC to use the word Lord??  My post was worded with Lord, not LORD.  Good grief Chalky Browne.
 

[derekwarner]

  ...I used the following term in a posting a few days back......... "you know our Lord works in mysterious ways"  it was not intended to be irreverent..........although I do understand we should not discuss religious matters on MBM ...........Derek

[CGAux26]

Twice now I wrote haysoose and it was (automatically?) changed to Lord.

[TailUK]

 A newbie golfer drives off and slices the shot which goes onto the nearby motorway.  Hitting an articulated lorry it stuns the driver and causes a 30 car pile up.
Watching in horror the golfer says
"What am I going to do!"
His partner says
"Move your left hand further around the grip!"

[cabman]

I was playing a round with the local priest when I took an air shot and said under my breath, "Missed the "illigitimate"!" The priest ignored my foul language but a couple of holes later I did it again and repeated my curse, "Missed the "illigitimate"!" This time the priest came over to me and softly said, "My son. You should not blaspheme like that for surely God will strike you down." I apologised but a few holes later missed the ball yet again. I uttered the same foul blasphemy, "Missed the "illigitimate"!"


Suddenly the sky darkened and was almost black. There was a rumble of thunder as a storm rapidly approached. Suddenly the sky was filled with a blinding flash of lightning and the priest went up in a puff of smoke. I stared in amazement when a huge thunderous voice boomed from the sky, "Missed the "illigitimate"!"

[cabman]

I was playing at the local course with an old regular called Bert. We were on a hole near the road when a funeral cortège went by. Bert stopped, donned his cap and bowed his head until the cars had passed. As we continued, I told him that I'd been very moved by his respect shown to the funeral cortège. He said, "It's nothing Son. It's the least I could do. She was a good wife to me for years."

[derekwarner]

cabman........this is the only message in this thread that made me laugh....   .....Derek

[Arrow5]

 Who said  "Golf...a good walk ruined."    

[Andre]

Who said  "Golf...a good walk ruined."

Mark Twain 

[jaymac]

Aussie Logic

A  Priest, an Indian Doctor, a Chinese Businessman, and an Aussie Bricklayer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.



The Aussie fumed, 'What's with those b*******s? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'



The Indian Doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I'm losing my patience!'



The Chinese Businessman called out, 'Move it. Time is money!'



The Priest said, 'Here comes George the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'



'Hello, George,' said the  Priest. 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'



George the greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year. We are forever grateful. We always let them play for free anytime.'



The group fell silent for a moment.



The  Priest was the first to speak, and said, 'That's so sad. God forgive us. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'



The Indian Doctor said, 'Vishnu, I repent. Good idea priest. I will also contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'



The Chinese Businessman replied, 'I'm writing a cheque at this very moment. $50,000 to these brave souls.'



The Aussie Bricklayer said, 'Why can't they play at night?