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[Martin (Admin)]

One of the most embarrassing thing that Ill ever admit to is...

I was once in Leicester walking through the shopping area.
By a bus stop was a bloke standing next to a nice collection of flowers and bouquets.
I looked and picked my way through them all trying to choose one for Mrs Mayhem,
As there were no prices I thought they may be quite expensive as so didn't ask to save any embarrassment.

A few days later I found out that someone was murdered in a night club and the flower were tributes and memorials......

[bluesy]

Many, many years ago (when I was still young, single and stupid) I was at a company gathering for a United Way presentation.  I was with one of my office partners who was bout the same age as myself.  There were about 500 people at this gathering and of course being young and single I was checking out the crowd for possibilities (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).  Anyhow I spotted a very attractive woman about three tables away.  Tallish, very well dressed, in great shape.  I noted to my mate what an interesting lady.  I thought that she might be 5 to 10 years my senior but she was so attractive I ignored the age difference.  Some time later that afternoon, during the "meet and greet" portion of the gathering my mate asks if I'd like to meet this lady.  I rolled my eyes and said "Of course".  So we sidle on over to where said lady was standing and my mate says "I'd like you to meet Julianne".  I was somewhat taken aback that he would be so forward until he then said "Mom, I'd like you to meet Doug.  He's been lusting after you all morning". 

After I extricated myself from under the carpet I beat a hasty retreat.

Don't worry I got him back. 

Another story.

[sheerline]

A few years ago, as I sat watching the evening news, a story unfolded of an British oil worker who was shot dead by a housholder in an American small town suburb and the pictures showed a body on a strecher being loaded into an ambulance. As some of our chaps had gone out there, I decided to ring a female work collegue and told her what I had seen, jokingly stating that it was probably her boyfriend as he was always getting pi55ed and had probably done something stupid....we both had a daft sense of humour. Well, you guessed it... it was him! The hole into which I should have fallen would have never been deep enough.

[John W E]

I was working subcontracting in British Telecoms marine unit next to where Riggers works    and I had to ring my Company to check up on business/whereabouts I had to go next.   The receptionist at BT was a very very well endowed lady with a very very very very low cut dress!!!!   

On the phone to the secretary of my Company she enquired where I was at that time, and I was on cloud 9 dreaming about something else  and I without thinking answered I am at B T**s 

aye
john e
bluebird

[Martin (Admin)]

Once went in a new & posh solicitors office in London to fix a computer.
Needed to visit the facilities. Marble and Rose wood everywhere. Very nice but no urinals... Wow! How posh is that!

So two minutes into using a cubicle, I hear someone walking in through the door....... "click, click, click"??!??!?!?!
Strange, that sounds like high heels in the mens toilets.......... Oh dear!!! 

Yeap didn't recognise the very stylised gender symbol out side.
I bided my time and got away with it too...... almost! 

[White Ensign]

... I was working for a Japanese company and we had been invited for a seminar to Japan, which lasted 4 days. I met up the very first time one of our female engineers, Fleur. She was working for the French branch office- we had often had been in touch by telephone, but never met up before. As she has a, let`s say "rustical humour" we often made our funnies when she called for spare-parts.
At this seminar I met her and was absolutely fascinated. What a gorgeous woman.... D-cupper, long hair, fantastic figure and lesbian.
Anyway, whe had been at the meeting and I cant keep my eyes from her. The Meeting was very boring and she turned to me, being bored too and whispered (expecting an statement about the seminar): "Hey Jörg, what are you thinking about?".
Mindlessly I answered: "Your boobs". She grined and answered louder: "I bet 75% in this room does all the same".

Imagine 15 turning heads, roaring laughter and you just wish a big, deep hole to fall in........

I have quitted some months later, but we are still in touch time after time. And every conversation starts: How are the twins? Or from her: The twins are doing fine.....

[Shipmate60]

We had some visitors on board one of our ships.
I was young free and single and one of the party was a VERY attractive young lady.
I showed her round the Machinery Control Room and and the Engine room before we sailed.
I made great pains to explain to her why ships have generators as we don't have a long cable to plug into.
When ashore that night we got talking and I asked her what she did for a living.
Her answer.
MARINE ENGINEER

Bob

[boatmadman]

It was a hot summers day. A contracting company came to work to carry out a survey on our cooling pond. Two people came, a young very attractive lass wearing a t shirt and short shorts. The other was an older bloke.

So, off they go after signing in, carry out there survey and when finished they return to site. The bloke comes back to the control room alone and one of my colleagues ( ) says to the bloke:

WOW, I wouldnt mind 'censored words' that lass, she is fluffing gorgeous, how do you manage to work alongside her?

Bloke replies:  easy, she is my daughter!

[sheerline]

Visited a toilet in a big restaurant once, loads of blokes standing there doing the business. Bog trap door opens... and out walks this very red faced lady....her face was a picture :'(... she didn't stop to wash her hands! I felt really sorry for her especially as she had to go out and sit at her table surrounded by all those chaps. 

[Colin Bishop]

Lots of places like that in France....

[White Ensign]

Due to my Military service (I was drill instructor on a 20mm Twin AA-gun), we had been out for exercises and 5-days-training. I spend the eve with the other sergeants and instructors and we talked about sleeping in the pits. I was known for very deep-sleeping, no matter where I am. So I stated after a couple of pints, that you probably may take me away with my field-bed and I will not wake up.
Next morning I wake up, with nothing else then the trees around me. The tents, the camp- everything was lost. I crawled out of my sleeping-bag in nothing else then my underwear and my uniform-shirt. The boots stick at the rods at the end of my bed and thats it. It was obvious that my rotten lot had taken me erious and placed my somewhere in the forrest. So I slipped into my boots and saw some smoke somewhere about 150 yards away. Must have been the camp. I folded my field-bed, shouldered my sleeping bag and went back. When I came out of the bushes our CO held his morning salut, surrounded by our 150 recruits and the training staff. They all stood to attention when I passed on by, just in boots, underwear and my uniform-shirt. ROARING laughter. I saluted our CO, wished him a good morning and tried to pass on by to my tent. He stopped me, order me back in the line and I have to do the complete roll-call in that..... "extra-ordinary" suit.
No need to say how I felt.