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Author Topic: Jokes & Humour - 2019  (Read 12540 times)

Martin [Admin]

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Jokes & Humour - 2019
« on: January 08, 2019, 03:28:35 PM »


What's the differance between Ignorance and Arrogance?









                                                I don't know and I don't care!     {-)


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Netleyned

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2019, 04:30:08 PM »

 :-)) :-)) :-)) {-) {-) {-)
Ned
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Onetenor

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #2 on: January 09, 2019, 10:45:51 PM »

Paddy having intelligence test.
 Paddy if you were on a railway line with a train coming what would you do?.
 
Why Sorr Oi'd jump in me helicopter and fly away.
Oh and where would you get the helicopter from?
Well of course from the same place yew got the feckin train. Sorrr!!
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meechingman

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #3 on: January 10, 2019, 10:26:11 AM »

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?


I don't know and I can't be bothered to look it up!
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #4 on: January 11, 2019, 07:29:45 PM »

 :-)
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #5 on: January 21, 2019, 10:13:50 PM »


 
A man in Tesco's tries to buy half a cauliflower. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole cauliflowers.. The man persists and asks to see the manager.
The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager,
'Some prat out there wants to buy half a cauliflower.'
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, 'And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.'
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?'
' Glasgow , sir,' the boy replied. 'Well, why did you leave Glasgow?' the manager asked.
The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers up there.'
'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Glasgow.'
'You're kidding?' replied the boy. 'Who'd she play for?'....

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tigertiger

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #6 on: January 21, 2019, 11:54:31 PM »

Believe it or not, the first time I heard the first half of that joke, I was working in the green grocery department at my local Tesco.
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2019, 09:50:55 PM »

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derekwarner

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #8 on: January 24, 2019, 02:42:40 AM »

Who sang this famous song then Martin?....


Dioni Wok  :kiss: or Diannoie Pie? :-X


Derek
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roycv

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #9 on: January 24, 2019, 11:23:39 AM »

I was watching a review of the late Joan Rivers, plus high speed jokes.  One I did hear went like this.
"You never use my name when  we are making love"
Answer "I did not want to wake you up"
regards,
 Roy
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Ken G121

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #10 on: January 24, 2019, 12:58:57 PM »

The definition of experience
Knowing something is wrong because it was wrong last time you did it!
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #11 on: January 26, 2019, 01:54:57 PM »

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Baldrick

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #12 on: January 27, 2019, 12:25:04 PM »

Think it is below the 1.6mm legal tread depth  (driver 3.5 times over legal limit]
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Tug Fanatic

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #13 on: January 27, 2019, 03:40:35 PM »

Think it is below the 1.6mm legal tread depth  (driver 3.5 times over legal limit]





How far would you need to drive on the wheel rim to wear it like that? A long way I would think.
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Netleyned

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #14 on: January 27, 2019, 03:43:58 PM »

Blame it on the potholes
and the drivers state on the potman %% %% %% :police:
Ned
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jaymac

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #15 on: January 27, 2019, 07:19:30 PM »

Pothole abundance  has its good points  its easier to spot drunk drivers they're the only ones driving straight
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #16 on: February 09, 2019, 02:48:22 PM »


Robin Hood was on his deathbed in his little house in Sherwood Forest. Maid Marian, Friar Tuck and the rest of the Merry Men gathered at his side.

"What more can we do for you, Robin?" they asked.

"Bring me a bow and arrow. I'll shoot into the forest and wherever the arrow lands, that is where you must bury me," he replied.

The bow duly arrived and Robin shot an arrow for the very last time.

And so, with heavy hearts and many tears, Robin's friends buried him in the ceiling.
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Colin Bishop

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #17 on: February 16, 2019, 06:43:40 PM »

Probably an old chestnut but in my paper this week:
Viagra! It won't make you James Bond but it will make you Roger Moore.
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #18 on: February 16, 2019, 07:41:52 PM »

 
 {-) {-)
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #19 on: February 16, 2019, 07:51:10 PM »

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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #20 on: February 16, 2019, 07:51:19 PM »


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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #21 on: February 21, 2019, 05:49:24 PM »


What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters?

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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jimmy2310

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #22 on: February 21, 2019, 05:53:57 PM »

What, sometimes and never.

  Jim
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CGAux26

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #23 on: February 23, 2019, 03:35:58 PM »



RailRoad cRossing, look out foR the caRs.
Can you spell that without any R's?
























that.
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2019
« Reply #24 on: February 27, 2019, 09:31:12 PM »



Where can you find a woman like this?! .... or do I have to learn to play the piano first?   {:-{


 
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