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Author Topic: Jokes & Humour - 2020  (Read 45528 times)

Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #200 on: April 19, 2020, 08:31:40 PM »

 
    {-) {-) {-)
 
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Taranis

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #201 on: April 19, 2020, 08:34:58 PM »

warspite

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #202 on: April 20, 2020, 11:13:38 AM »

Nah, it was a doberman, but due to the amount of exercise I am doing, the legs have worn down.


(Have you noticed that the dachsund is the dog most featured in adverts - check it out when you watch the marathon of telly we are doing)
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jaymac

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #203 on: April 20, 2020, 12:12:07 PM »

Aye as it's the perfect breed for Badgering people
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warspite

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #204 on: April 20, 2020, 12:38:17 PM »

We won't have pets as the wife doesn't like dogs (they have teeth - I use that excuse for cats as well), most of the pets my parents had were miniature Dachshunds, started with a standard though, I love the breed, originally breed from the Manchester as was the Doberman - apparently.
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #205 on: April 20, 2020, 12:42:10 PM »

 


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Capt Podge

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #206 on: April 20, 2020, 12:48:13 PM »

 {-) {-) {-) {-)


Love it! 🤗


Regards,
Ray.
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TheLongBuild

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #207 on: April 20, 2020, 01:06:29 PM »



Wow, you have a small fortune there, probably worth more than a Van Gogh.

canabus

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #208 on: April 20, 2020, 02:08:14 PM »

Itís come to my attention that some people are going crazy over the lockdown.

Iíve actually just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and all of us agreed things are getting worse.

I didnít mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on things and certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant.
 
I did discuss it with the hoover and he said the whole thing sucks.

Meanwhile, the blender has mixed feelings and the taps kept running hot and cold about the idea.

The whisk refused to talk about it because she didnít want to whip things into a frenzy and the eggs kept quiet because they didnít want to get a beating.

I didnít check with the oven because sheís far too hot headed.

The bin spouted a whole load of rubbish about the situation and the freezer just gave me a frosty reception.
 
In the end, the iron calmed me down: she said everything will be fine - no situation is too pressing.

The tin at the back of the cupboard with no label on thinks itís a total mystery.

The spoons reckon Iím going stir crazy and the knife made some very cutting remarks then told me to fork off.
 
The squash was very cordial about it all.

Unlike the lemon who was extremely bitter about the whole thing.
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Capt Podge

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #209 on: April 20, 2020, 04:03:51 PM »

... and did you tell the curtains to pull themselves together?


Regards,
Ray.
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #210 on: April 20, 2020, 05:20:51 PM »


HOW TO COOK IN ASIAN ( Martial Arts ) STYLE

 
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jaymac

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #211 on: April 20, 2020, 07:00:35 PM »

That was the  export  version  in the original they used the Dachshund and the title  ''One Hundred ways to Wok your dog''
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warspite

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #212 on: April 20, 2020, 07:13:17 PM »

Whilst this lot were finishing their tea, started to get the various packets of  flour out and set them out on the worktop and then asked 'what I was doing' - they still didn't get it until I showed them the bit above  :}


like the woking your dog
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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #213 on: April 20, 2020, 09:18:19 PM »


I hope they didn't launch this brand this year!   {:-{


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jaymac

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #214 on: April 20, 2020, 10:38:53 PM »

Don't see why not. These people are trying to be Vat exempt as it may have Homeopathic  benefits


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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #215 on: April 23, 2020, 01:48:39 AM »


 
Actions speak louder than words


         ..........  Unless youíre Brian Blessed
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Colin Bishop

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #216 on: April 23, 2020, 09:09:12 PM »

Working at home...

Colin

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derekwarner

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #217 on: April 23, 2020, 11:56:42 PM »

You've displaying a good typing speed there Colin   {-)  ............. Derek
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tsenecal

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #218 on: April 24, 2020, 12:28:21 AM »


 
Actions speak louder than words


         ..........  Unless youíre Brian Blessed


i know this is gonna sound bad...  but who is Brian Blessed?
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Capt Podge

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #219 on: April 24, 2020, 12:34:21 AM »

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RST

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #220 on: April 24, 2020, 12:34:29 AM »

Thats pretty much what I've been like with my works laptop the last month -actually for the last 4 months!  They couriered me a new one running windows 10 now as when I finally got a good IT guy on the case he just condemned my existing one without trying to fix. Great service:  DHL picks up from office in Paris, France, about mid-afternoon on Wednesday, yellow DHL van turned up at my door here in Inverness, UK, not long after lunch time on Thursday (next day) with the laptop!
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RST

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #221 on: April 24, 2020, 12:46:31 AM »

Normally I would be pretty mad about this, but I'm genuinely impressed and laughed about it because I just cannot figure out how come a week or so ago my postie managed his.  He says he has to deliver junk mail through the letterbox even though I'm signed up to 2 anti-junk mail registers.  But how did he manage to bust off my inner flap, and more impressively, get that particular part of junk sandwiched like that?  Dedication and aptitude I say!!!  It was so spectacular, nothing for it but laugh!
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Howard

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #222 on: April 24, 2020, 12:48:51 AM »

I heard that Newcastle unite football club are to give 1500 free tickets away at each home match to the NHS but the NHS  have said haven't we suffered enough. {-) {-) {-)
           Regards Howard. 
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RST

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #223 on: April 24, 2020, 01:07:56 AM »

Quote
i know this is gonna sound bad...  but who is Brian Blessed?

You could have found out using less key strokes on google, but just to be sure LoL...

Gordons alive!

https://youtu.be/P2xS-AxKk0k

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Martin [Admin]

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Re: Jokes & Humour - 2020
« Reply #224 on: April 24, 2020, 10:10:06 AM »

You could have found out using less key strokes on google, but just to be sure LoL...

Gordons alive!

https://youtu.be/P2xS-AxKk0k


.... that should be typed as:         Gordons alive?!?!!!

Reprise:  https://youtu.be/TW8kDtzirpA       {-)
 
 
NB: Brian Blessed, much beloved British Shakespearean actor, most well known for his way Over The Top portrayal of Prince Vultan,  leader of the Winged Bird-Men role in Flash Gordon film (1980)
 
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