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[ben hall]

Solve this riddle.

A riddle to keep you awake...
 

80% of Primary School Children solved this riddle, but only 5% of University Graduates
figured it out!

 

Can you answer all seven of the following questionswith the same word?

 

1. The word has seven letters....

2. Preceded God...

3. Greater than God...

4. More Evil than the devil...

5. All poor people have it...

6. Wealthy people need it....

7. If you eat it, you will die.

nothing

[ben hall]

I've got a job interview tomorrow to become an Argos delivery driver.
 
To show them that I'll fit in well, I'm going to turn up anytime I like between 7am and 7pm.

lol

[ben hall]

nothing

oops didnt relies martin got there first   well at least we know who the real primary school child on here is lol .....   martin thats you 

[Martin (Admin)]

oops didnt relies martin got there first   well at least we know who the real primary school child on here is lol .....   martin thats you 

I had to Yahoo it! 

[ben hall]

that makes you even more junior school child  then      
it isnt that complicated though

this is coming from the guy who did a million pound drop live and googled all the answere just so he had a chance of his name  being read out      its not cheating just improvising   

[Martin (Admin)]

 

[ben hall]

rofl       


                      chart for old people not understanding whatim saying
rofl= rolling on floor laughing

lol=  many options 1.laughing out loud
                              2.laughing out loads
                              3.lots of laughs
                              4.lots of love                   dont get lots of love mixed up with any of the others 

[RaaArtyGunner]

You forgot tell us about modern, TLC

It used to be Tender Loving Care

But is now changed Tongue Lashings Constanly 

[ben hall]

my bad but i never thought i would use that on model boat mayhem

[ben hall]

[Martin (Admin)]

Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.
 
 The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day...
 
 The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad
 news. The donkey's died.'
 
 Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'
 
 The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
 
 Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
 
 The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
 
 Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
 
 The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
 
 Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
 
 A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened
 with that dead donkey?'

 
 Paddy said, 'I raffled him off.
 
 I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a profit of £998'
 
 The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
 
 Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two pounds back.'
 


 Paddy now works for the Royal Bank of Scotland .

[john s 2]

Expect Lloyds will headhunt him. John

[John W E]

Latest News
Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating inMerseyside, Liverpool. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained.
The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists BinSleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues.
The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area.
Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community.

aye
john

 

[ben hall]

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a
Midwest town he planned to visit on his
Vacation. He wrote: I would very much like
To bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed
And very well behaved. Would you be willing
To permit me to keep him in my room with
Me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel
Owner, who wrote: SIR: "I've been operating
This hotel for many years. In all that time, I've
Never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes,
Silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never
Had to evict a dog in the middle of the night
For being drunk and disorderly. And I've never
Had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed,
Your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your
Dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay
Here, too."

[RaaArtyGunner]

Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down.
I was looking for my keys.
They were not in my pockets.
A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car.
Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.
My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. 
Her theory is that the car will be stolen.
As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. 
Her theory was right.
The parking lot was empty.

I immediately call the police.
I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered.
I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence.
I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane's voice.
"David" she barked, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my time to be silent.
Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

Diane retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car!"

[Martin (Admin)]

                 The 3rd Annual Nigerian  EMail Conference

                  http://j-walk.com/other/conf/index.htm

[BailingBen]

lol

[Martin (Admin)]

 

[scoop]

Martin, you forgot to mention panic buying BEER 

[Bob K]

Beer is surely not an panic buying item, but an essential nutritional supplement.  Unlike other 'unhealthy' products the sugar is almost all converted out, plus the wheat and barley are vegetables and thus constitute two of your 'five a day' - which means you should take at least two a day.  The main ingredient is water, which is a necessary daily requirement.  The cans make a reasonable substitute for Litho plate which aids recycling.
The key danger of course is the risk of spilling it on the model you are working on.   

[derekwarner]

Brillant Bob K ...... .....Derek

[scoop]

Beer is surely not an panic buying item, but an essential nutritional supplement.  Unlike other 'unhealthy' products the sugar is almost all converted out, plus the wheat and barley are vegetables and thus constitute two of your 'five a day' - which means you should take at least two a day.  The main ingredient is water, which is a necessary daily requirement.  The cans make a reasonable substitute for Litho plate which aids recycling.
The key danger of course is the risk of spilling it on the model you are working on.   

Hi Bob,  Did you not see the photo of the landlady in the national papers ? Sign on the bar said 'Beer shortage soon, please panic buy'   
Scoop

[sjoormen]

.

[Martin (Admin)]

I bought a new sofa from my local furniture store yesterday.
 
The guy told me that I had 'Nothing To Pay Until 2015'
 
I was over the moon until he knocked on my door at quarter past 8!!!!!

[RAAArtyGunner]

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons.
If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married,what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work?

Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"

Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. 
 
 “Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here!  Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer??