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Author Topic: Re: Jokes & Humour 4  (Read 163054 times)

grasshopper

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #275 on: June 06, 2013, 08:28:10 pm »
PC. Mad world!
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essex2visuvesi

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #276 on: June 07, 2013, 10:56:26 am »
Quote from: jaymac on June 06, 2013, 07:19:16 pm
Well she didn't give in and never hit the other cars and thats the worst bit of Guidance I've seen in long time from the bloke. methinks she just needed  enlightening about changing lock  as she changed direction.Having said that the first time my sister  drove to work on icy road she left the car 2 streets away   and had the garage pick it up cos the steering was playing up :} 


 {-)


My wife is a much better driver, parker, trailer reverser than me.
We went on one of those rally days at brands hatch a few years back and the instructors were gobsmacked as she was faster on the course than they were.
Guess we should have told them she was quite an accomplished amateur rally driver before the kids came along  {-)
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GAZOU

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #277 on: June 08, 2013, 09:10:11 am »
 :-))
I must say I've never seen a rally car with a trailer {-)
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essex2visuvesi

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #278 on: June 08, 2013, 09:46:22 am »
Quote from: GAZOU on June 08, 2013, 09:10:11 am
:-))
I must say I've never seen a rally car with a trailer {-)


You should see them caravanning here
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GAZOU

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #279 on: June 08, 2013, 11:05:13 am »
 {:-{ {:-{ {:-{
You should see them caravanning here
 8) ;) :((
where it ? I do not see any link
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essex2visuvesi

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #280 on: June 08, 2013, 12:13:31 pm »
Sorry no link.


I just meant you should see Finns with caravans lol
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GAZOU

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #281 on: June 08, 2013, 02:16:15 pm »
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GAZOU

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #282 on: June 08, 2013, 02:38:57 pm »
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Martin (Admin)

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #283 on: August 02, 2013, 05:19:56 pm »

 I was complimented on my driving today.
  Someone left a note on my windscreen saying 'Parking Fine'
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jaymac

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #284 on: August 02, 2013, 07:10:43 pm »
 :} :} :} :} :} :} :} :} :}
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sjoormen

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Mobile phones and holidays
« Reply #285 on: August 03, 2013, 08:55:41 am »
For those who things that going on holidays with gadgets are necessities:
Championships in Mobilephone throwing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sgw99VoCssU
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essex2visuvesi

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Re: Mobile phones and holidays
« Reply #286 on: August 03, 2013, 10:28:51 am »
Quote from: sjoormen on August 03, 2013, 08:55:41 am
For those who things that going on holidays with gadgets are necessities:
Championships in Mobilephone throwing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sgw99VoCssU


Yep.... very popular here
The weapon of choice for most "pros"
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sjoormen

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #287 on: August 03, 2013, 01:03:49 pm »
Aaaa -secret of using deomestic brand?? {-)
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Tug-Kenny RIP

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #288 on: August 04, 2013, 11:46:43 am »

Hi Essex,

That's my phone pictured there.  Can't fault it.


Ken

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GAZOU

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #289 on: August 04, 2013, 03:23:16 pm »
 %) {:-{
it's stupid to throw it!
there are many things to get into this unit
engine example
 
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sparkey

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #290 on: August 04, 2013, 03:29:36 pm »
 {-) That's must be one of the many I have lost over the years,ignore the No's on it and don't tell my wife,Ray. {-) {-) {-) {-)
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jimmy2310

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #291 on: August 07, 2013, 12:12:06 pm »
Five blokes in an Audi Quattro arrived at the ferry checkpoint in Harwich, Essex.
 
 Tracey, in her brand new uniform, stops them and tells them: "I can't let you on the ferry.
 It is illegal to have 5 people in a Quattro. Quattro means four.
 One of you will have to get out and stay behind."
 "Quattro is just the name of the car," the driver replies disbelievingly.
 "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons."
 
 "You cannot pull that one on me.
 This is Tracey you're talking to here," she replies with a smile.
 "Quattro means four.
 You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law.
 So I can't let you onto the ferry.
 It's more than my job's worth to let you all on."
 
 The driver is now very cross and replies angrily, "I've had enough of you. Call your supervisor over.
 I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
 
 "Sorry," responds Tracey, "but Sharon is busy with those two blokes in the Fiat Uno."
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jaymac

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #292 on: August 07, 2013, 01:00:44 pm »
 {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-) {-)  Brilliant {-) {-) {-) {-) {-)
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Dannypenguin

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #293 on: August 07, 2013, 02:55:02 pm »
I like it!  {-)
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Netleyned

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #294 on: August 07, 2013, 02:57:21 pm »
Ah the lovely Essex girls  %%   %%


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regiment

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #295 on: August 07, 2013, 04:09:24 pm »
Quote from: jimmy2310 on October 03, 2011, 04:43:39 pm
One day while out shopping, Paddy sees a metallic cylinder on the shelf. Not sure what it was he asked the shop assistant what it was for.

"Thats a Thermos Flask" replied the shop assistant, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold".

Paddy is amazed and buys one immediately. Next day at lunch John asks him whats is the Metal Cylinder.

Paddy replies "Thats a Thermos Flask, It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.

"Thats great Paddy, What have you got in it?" asked John.


Paddy proudly replies "Soup and a Choc Ice"
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Martin (Admin)

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #296 on: August 08, 2013, 04:00:24 pm »

"A recent survey of 3,000 cabin crew compiles a list of most unusual requests they have ever received."

"Can you show me to the showers?"

"Can you take my children to the playroom?"

"I have dropped my glass eye, please could you help me find it?"

"Is there a McDonald's onboard?"

"Please can you open the window?"

"Please can I have a cup of tea and book a massage for my Barbie doll?"

"Please can the captain stop the turbulence?"

"Could you turn the engines down because they are too noisy?"

http://travel.cnn.com/explorations/life/can-you-open-window-do-you-have-mcdonalds-905317
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grendel

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Re: Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #297 on: August 08, 2013, 08:43:56 pm »
my wife used to work on bookings at le shuttle (channel tunnel) and the most asked question was 'can you see the fish'
Grendel
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Martin (Admin)

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #298 on: August 20, 2013, 07:23:11 am »

Rob Auton's chocolate joke is Edinburgh Fringe Festival 'funniest'
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-23753634

Rob Auton - "I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa."

Alex Horne - "I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying."

Alfie Moore - "I'm in a same-sex marriage... the sex is always the same."
   
Tim Vine - "My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. I said to him 'Don't be Sicily'."
   
Gary Delaney - "I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell."
   
Phil Wang - "The Pope is a lot like Doctor Who. He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men."
   
Marcus Brigstocke - "You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost."
   
Liam Williams - "The universe implodes. No matter."
   
Bobby Mair - "I was adopted at birth and have never met my mum. That makes it very difficult to enjoy any lapdance."
   
Chris Coltrane - "The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately."

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BailingBen

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Re: Jokes & Humour 4
« Reply #299 on: September 02, 2013, 10:22:56 pm »
be careful guys






 


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